Polenta chips…adulterated from Taste
These are perfect for a dinner party because you can prepare most of it beforehand and then whip out it and impress your guests….
You need for 4schoolgirls, 2 metrosexuals and all of the models backstage at Fashion week:
Olive oil for moisterising
8 cups vegetable stock
1 x 500g pkt instant polenta (cornmeal)
1 cup finely grated snazzy designer parmesan
Vegetable oil, to deep-fry
1 tabs fresh Rosemary
Sel et Poivre
- Climb out of your Chloe white jumpsuit
- Struggle out of gladiators sandals. ( no wonder Russel Crowe got so cranky )
- ignore bad pedicure and squished feet.
- Slide into your leisure suit.
- tie hair back and roll up sleeves
- Pour a huge glass of wine
- Inhale.
- You need to find two baking trays big enough to pour the polenta into
- Moisterise the trays with lots of snazzy olive oil.
- Grate the parmesan cheese. Delegate this little task: it can do terrible things to the manicure.
- Pour the stock into large saucepan and get it to boil. Try insulting it. Yelling usually works and you feel better too.
- Gulp down another wine.
- Now grab a whisk to give the stock a little stir.
- Now gradually pour in the polenta in a model thin steady stream, whisking constantly until all the polenta is mixed into the stock.
- Reduce heat to medium and stop the yelling.
- Keep stirring with a chic wooden spoon, for about 2 to 3 minutes until it all thickens. The polenta should be soft and gooey as a Prada bag.
- Turn off the heat and toss in the parmesan.
- Give it a stir.
- Now it’s time to pour the polenta ever so smoothly and evenly into the baking trays. You want it as flat and smooth as Nicole Kidman’s face. Use the back of a spoon to get rid of any wrinkles. (Don’t try that on your face).
- Cover with some non-stick baking paper and set aside to cool.
- Place in the fridge for 4 hours or overnight to set.
- You can now drink for 4 hours or overnight. You will be set too.
- When it’s set as a jelly plop the polenta out of the baking trays onto a clean work surface.
- Find a sharp knife and if you are a little anal you can cut off the curved edges.
- If you are too pissed then just concentrate and cut the polenta lengthways into about 2cm long sticks.
- Then cut acrosss each strip so you have 8cm-long pieces. Now who does that remind you of?
- If you are having a dinner party you can do this ahead of time.
- Now here’s the fun bit: You want to deep fry your chips
- So pour lots of oil into a large saucepan to about a depth of 6cm.
- Heat it up over high heat (to about 180…They say oil is ready when a cube of bread will turn golden brown in 15 seconds).
- Make sure you have the fire brigade on speed dial.
- Add a few of the polenta chips and deep-fry for about 5 minutes until they are as golden brown as the lining of a Jimmy Choo bag.
- Open the window to get rid of any lingering frying odour.
- Please have a slotted spoon on hand to get the chips out of the frying oil.
- Gently lower the chips onto a plate lined with lots of paper towel to soak up all the FAT. Sorry to swear
- Do not think about buying a bikini at this moment.
- Keep going and frying the remaining polenta chips, but you should reheat the oil between batches. Or your chips will be limp. This is not a good thing
- When they are all cooked and gorgeous serve on a chic platter accessorised with chic little green sprigs of rosemary and lots of salt and pepper.
- Perfect with a steak and salade verte.
- Not a calorie in sight..
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