The FiFi Report 211

Mushroom Risotto with Garlic, Thyme and Parsley….adulterated from Jamie Oliver
Is there anything more satisfying and delicious on a cold, winter’s night than gooey, creamy mushroom risotto? Make basic risotto and throw in half the mushrooms when you start stirring and stirring and stirring…..and the rest just before serving.

You need for 6 hungry, skinny fashionista or for 3 big, fat, fading, old hungry rock stars or for 4 handsome marathon runners….

For basic risotto you need
1 litre stock vegetable or chicken
1 tabs olive oil
2 or more garlics
2 small onion
1/2 stick of celery, trimmed and finely chopped
400g risotto rice
100 ml dry white wine or vermouth
70 to 100g butter

For the mushrooms…
260g of any mushrooms
3 tabs of olive oil
1 tabs lemon thyme leaves
2 or more cloves of garlic
I pinch of chilli powder
Lots of freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1 handful of fresh flat leaf parsley, chopped
Juice of 1 lemon
Extra virgin olive oil

  • Turn on the heating
  • Turn on the alcohol …pour a wine..
  • Remove Lanvin big, jewelled necklace and pretty cream silk dress.
  • Throw on leisure suit by Juicy Target.
  • Ignore all phone calls ( except from Hollywood or Cannes).
  • Turn up the music.
  • Climb out of YSL platforms and get comfortable: stirring risotto takes about 15 minutes.
  • Chop up the onions as small as a the Dior phone ( tiny).
  • Throw on Missoni sunglasses to stop crying over onions (and over that Alaia dress that won’t fit after eating this).
  • Chop up the celery as small as an Olsen twin. (tiny). It is just for flavour and will virtually melt.
  • Chop up the thyme and parsley. Roughly. They love it.
  • Chop the mushrooms up into large pieces: remember they will shrink ( just like you will after eating risotto. You wish).
  • Don’t wash the mushrooms; it ruins the flavour so just pick off the dirt ( delegate that task).
  • Heat a large frying pan, add oil and some naughty butter and salt and then add the mushrooms with a pinch of salt and pepper.
  • Toss around and cook for a minute.
  • Add the thyme and garlic. Smells gorgeous.
  • Cook the mushrooms till they are a little soft and tender and season to taste. Now set aside to meditate alone .
  • Heat up the stock in a separate saucepan.
  • Heat up olive oil and butter in a separate larger pan, and add the onion and celery and let them sweat.
  • Let them sweat for about 10 minutes.
  • They should be soft and getting transparent. Transparency is big news next season.
  • Now make the risotto. I am not writing all the instructions here it takes too long. And I know you know.
  • Pour another wine ( one for you, one for the risotto. Repeat).
  • Add half the mushrooms at the beginning of the rice cooking with the stock and the other half of the mushrooms at the very end.
  • When the rice is cooked turn the heat right down, and just before you serve toss in some gorgeous butter, heaps of parsley, lemon juice, and lots of parmesan.
  • Add lots of salt and pepper.
  • Add more herbs for accessorising.
  • Before serving you could even drizzle with a little extra virgin olive oil
  • Throw a block of Parmesan on the table so George Clooney and any fat, old aging rockstars can help themselves. Marathon runners won’t eat any more cheese.
  • Relax. Smile. Drink. Eat.