The FiFi Report 336

Plum Jam Tart …..adulterated from the fabulous Bill’s Basics

Quite the most delicious tart. You can make it with nectarines and peaches instead of plums. The “jam” doesn’t seem to be so visibly red using nectarines as it would with plums but it still looks fabulous. I love the look of the amazing red plums oozing out its juice. Anyway you can make it with any fruit I am sure.  Please don’t be afraid to make the pastry, it’s so easy. And it tastes incredible. Just check the size of your baking tin so that you have enough pastry to fit the tin.

You need to feed 8 to 10 lazy summer slackers or 24 models

100g unsalted butter, melted and cooled
90g or 1/3 cup of caster sugar
175g or just over 1 cup of plain flour
25g ground almonds (Not almond meal: you need to whiz the raw almonds)

Plum jam topping
800g plums, pitted and quartered (Or about 6 to 8 nectarines pitted and thinly sliced)
110g or half cup caster sugar
2 teasps cornflour
1 tabsp orange juice
I vanilla bean to marinate and then remove

• Slip into your favourite Hermes Caftan.
• Slick back your hair into a ponytail. Check no paparazzi around.
• Pour an enormous glass of gin and tonic. You deserve it after getting through the summer sales.
• Keep the feet bare: it’s nice to admire your bright neon orange toenails.
• Preheat the oven to 180.
• Find a 24cm springform cake tin and moisturise with lots of unsalted butter (and line it if you like). Check the size honey! You don’t want to get skimpy and find your pastry don’t fit your pan. Been there, done that. Size does matter.
• Gulp down another gin and tonic. AA is calling.
• Marinate the fruit first so it can have a lovely time while you are making the pastry.
• So get that naughty George Clooney to pull his head out of Sudan and his Malaria sick bed and get him to peel and slice the nectarines as small the buckle on a Gucci belt. Or if using plums they can be a little bigger and cut into quarters so they hold their shape. (Which you will not after eating this).
• Then find a bowl and toss in the fruit, the orange juice, cornflour and caster sugar. Mix and add a vanilla bean, if you have one, to soak with it for a while.
• To make the pastry: Find another chic large mixing bowl.
• Melt the naughty delicious unsalted butter and then let it cool slightly.
• Then mix the melted butter and the sugar in a bowl. Dip finger in and lick to check that butter and sugar still taste fabulous. No calories there. At All.
• Now add the flour and a pinch of sea salt and stir to make a soft dough. It’s a ’short ‘ dough so it won’t be very gluggy or wet. Don’t worry if it won’t hold together. (The butter will melt when it’s cooking so all that fat will hold it.)
• You don’t really need to roll it out you can just plop in baking tin and then press the dough pushing it into the corners with your fingers.
• Tip: it should be quite firm in the base of the tin. Watch that manicure.
• Make sure you give it good strong sides and a firm case so the juice doesn’t slide out later.
• Put the tin on a baking tray (so it doesn’t burn its bottom too much) and toss in the oven.
• Bake for 15-20 minutes or until the pastry is slightly puffy and as golden as Pamela Anderson.
• Now you may be wondering about the almonds. They are going to be scattered over the cooked pastry before you cover it with the fruit.
• You should whiz almonds now. A few chunky bits are good. Think your thighs on a good day.
• Remove the pastry from the oven and sprinkle the ground almonds over the pastry base in an even layer.
• You can arrange the fruit now over the pastry base so that is looks chic.
• Make sure you drizzle over all the leftover jus from the fruit. That’s the jam part.
• Return it toute suite to the oven for 30 to 40 minutes until cooked and gooey.
• Sprinkle with icing sugar when it’s hot so it make it even more gooey and delicious.
• Leave to cool for 5 minutes before serving.
• Serve with lashings of clotted cream or yogurt.
• Oh, look at those colours: the bright white cream back with the amazing red plums: it’s sooo Jil Sander S/S 2011.
• Divine!