Jamie’s Asparagus Fettuccine …adulterated from Jamieoliver.com
An easy little vegetarian fettuccini to whip up now that asparagus is coming into season. All you need to do is make a chic little green sauce and then toss it through the pasta with the asparagus. Green is good.
You need for 4 fashionista, 2 big blokes or 30 models:
Extra-virgin olive oil
1 small onion, finely diced
1 small stick of celery, diced
1 medium courgette, finely diced
1 small leek, white part only, diced
16 stalks of asparagus, tips reserved, stalks thinly sliced
A small handful of basil leaves
300ml vegetable stock
1 garlic clove
400g fresh or dried fettuccine
50g finely grated parmesan cheese
Pea shoots, to serve
- Slip into your new Hermes cashmere pyjamas.
- Pull on your new Chanel clogs.
- Pour a glass of wine into a glass bucket.
- Drink.
- Breathe. Relax. It’s the weekend
- Ask George Clooney to chop the onion into small chic pieces as small as Paris Hilton’s integrity.( You’ve run out of waterproof mascara)
- Chop up the celery, the courgette, garlic and the white part of the leek.
- Slice up the Asparagus stalks as thin as stick insects on the runway.
- Reserve the tips for later.
- Find the basil in the kitchen garden.
- Pour in a good glug of non designer olive oil to a heavy-based pan over a low heat and sweat the onion and celery until soft. ( adds depth to this lovely pasta don’t you think? Think Armani foundation. )
- Toss in the courgette, leek and asparagus stalks and sweat for a further 2-3 minutes. Don’t sweat: it’s easy. Think soft and a little mushy like your knees.
- Throw in most of the basil leaves and when they wilt, add the stock, then simmer until the vegetable are just tender.
- If you wilt, maybe it’s an idea to go slow on the wine.
- Remove from the heat (The vegetables: but not George).
- Drink another bucket of wine.
- Then find a hand blender or whizzer and blend till the vegetables all creamy and gorgeous as a crème de la Mer face pack.
- In another frying pan over a low heat, add a little more of a glug of oil and then cook the garlic till soft, then add the asparagus sauce and simmer for 2 minutes.
- Ask George to boil a pan of salted water. It can do it: I just know it.
- Cook fettuccine, and 3 minutes before it’s done, throw in the asparagus tips.
- When fettuccine is al dente, drain, reserving a little cooking water, and add then pasta to the asparagus sauce.
- Loosen the pasta, and accessorize with remaining basil.
- Serve with lots of designer parmesan and pea shoots if you have them.
- Yum.
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