The FiFi Report 257

Beetroot Gnocchi… adulterated from Wino Sapien and from an old FiFi recipe.

I hate pink. I won’t wear it but I will eat it. This beetroot gnocchi is embarrassingly easy to cook. In fact it is the quickest meal ever known to mankind and is easier to do than opening a packet of pasta with your teeth and about 100 times more delicious. (And takes less time to cook then reading this babble).

Here’s the quick version:

• Roast beetroot a couple of hours beforehand
.
• Whizz the beetroot, ricotta, flour, olive oil and an egg.
• Boil water
.
• Drop mixture in water.
• Eat!

Remember it takes 5 minutes so be ready to eat. No running away thinking you can do hair and makeup. All pre-production must be attended to beforehand so you’re ready to eat pronto…

You need for 2 fat bloggers, 20 thin models, 1 x sad swine victim
(Double it if you are hungry)

2 small beetroots
250g fresh ricotta (not the packet type please or it won’t work: you need fresh, fresh, fresh)
25g plain flour
1 egg
1 tablespoon olive oil
pinch salt and poivre

Serve with basil or pesto, or walnuts/pinenuts or a sprinkling of herbs and parmesan cheese.

• Slip into a hot pink dress. Or an outfit that will not notice beetroot stains.
• Climb out of white Dior heels.
• Pour a wine.
• Pop on chic washing gloves then scrub the beetroot and toss in oven to roast with olive oil and salt and pepper. For an hour or so.
• Let it cool.
• Now whizz in a whizzer all the above ingredients. It will take 2 seconds.
• Leave it in the bowl of the whizzer. (No need to roll it out and get your hands covered in pink.)
• Now make sure you have the accessories ready: Whatever you are going to serve it with because you have to eat it as soon as it’s cooked. (I suggest chopped basil, garlic, walnuts tossed in olive oil.)
• Boil water. You can ask George Clooney to attend to this tricky task.
• Now spoon 1 teaspoon of Gnocchi straight from the whizzer and with another teaspoon scrape the mixture into the boiling water.
• Plop it in.
• The gnocchi will float to the top when it’s cooked. Leave the ones that are cooked floating while you plop the other ones in.
• Ne paniquez pas, it will look terrible. Seriously lumpy. You’ll look at it say is ‘Oh god I hope my legs don’t look like that? What the?’
• Keep Calm and Carry on.
• Pour a wine.
• After a couple of minutes it should have all floated to the top.
• Find a slotted spoon and just carefully skim the gnocchi out of boiling water onto a warm plate.
• Accessorise with chopped basil, garlic, walnuts or pinenuts tossed in olive oil or with a scattering of pesto.
• You need some parmesan, lots of sea salt and poivre plus crusty bread.
• Fabulous.