- "I think I have a really great mug shot. It looks like a magazine shoot." Paris Hilton (above left). Please stay in jail for a reshoot
- "Hundreds of you said Paris Hilton – with the tagline that you wouldn’t want to do that to the pig." Shanna Moakler, on the contest she’s running to name her pet pig, on MySpace (above middle and right). Paris and pig are very alike; cute with a small brain, alot of hair and good at sucking
- "We are not a very conservative couple, for decorations we put up penis balloons all over the place. It was really fun, it was really great." Christina Aguilera to Ellen Degeneres. Penis balloons are fun? (There must be a blow joke in there somewhere)
- "Really, they have penis balloons in a shop … you can just buy them? Ellen DeGeneres. Ask Paris she’d know where to buy them.
- "I gather they are only months away from digitally putting a T-shirt on Matthew McConaughey." Emily Blunt, listing the technical advances in the world of CGI while presenting the visual effects trophy at London’s BAFTA Awards. Please don’t.
- "She’s a gay man trapped in a woman’s body, like me." Courtney Love, on daughter Frances Bean, to Harper’s Bazaar (pictured middle right).
- "They do seem like public property in a way. They served me well – I don’t know if I’m supporting them or they’re supporting me." Dolly Parton, on her breasts (pictured right). Reshoot.
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