The hilarious tweets from Fifty Sheds of Grey @50ShedsofGrey
Erotica for the not-too-modern male…..
- ‘Are you sure you can take the pain?’ she demanded, brandishing her new stilettos. ‘Yes,’ I gulped. ‘OK,’ she said and showed me the receipt.
- ‘Prepare to suffer like no other man has,’ she said, drawing her razor-sharp fingernail up the cellophane of the Sex and the City box set.
- She slowly ran each ice cube over my manhood. It was sensual & erotic but it did mean our guests had to wait a bit longer for their drinks.
- ‘So, what are YOUR limits?” she asked playfully. ‘Limits?’ I laughed, ‘There’s one thing you need to understand - a man like me has no limi..
- Put on this rubber suit & mask,’ I said. ‘Kinky,’ she purred. ‘Yes. Plus you can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.’
- ‘Hurt me,’ she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. ‘Very well,’ I replied, ‘You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.’
- As I stared out at the army of strange creatures standing to attention on the lawn, I realised I’d mixed up the slug pellets and the Viagra.
- ‘I’m a very naughty girl,’ she said, biting her lip, ‘I need to be punished.’ So I invited my mother to stay for the weekend.”
- ‘I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
- My whole body shuddered as she entered my Man Cave. I really must get a padlock for the shed door.
- ‘You sure you want this? When I’m done you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.’ She nodded. ‘OK’ I said, putting the 3-piece suite on Ebay.