The FiFi Report 318

“I thought maybe there was a way to combine [bad behavior and charity]. I have offered to go to the south Sudan and have, like, a wardrobe malfunction. But it was pointed out to me that I’m 49, and that the consensus was that it’d be upsetting and kind of sad.” George Clooney, accepting his Bob Hope Humanitarian Award. Not sad George. Love to see your wardrobe malfunction…People.com.

“I Thought the Cocaine Was Gum” Paris Hilton’s explanation of white stuff in her bag. Well, she does chew on it..Brain malfuntion.

“I’ve never abused prescription drugs. I never have - never in my life. I have no desire to. I’ve admitted to the things that I’ve done - to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things” Lindsay Lohan chews gum too.

‘My boobs are crushing me. They are totally too big and it’s impossible to work out - they get in the way when I try to exercise. I have to wear two sports bras to run!’ Heidi Montag

“When I get injured it’s devastating because I know I won’t be able to wear heels. I’m practically in tears.” Serena Williams,

“One second ago I was the youngest person on the set, and now I’m the oldest. I don’t know how that happened. I’m so old, my joints hurt when I keep my legs crossed a certain way for too long…I can’t see far. I can’t see close.” Courteney Cox,

I lather my body in baby oil and cover my entire body with a shield of glitter. It’s really hard to get the glitter off. I’ve just given up. It’s in all my suitcases, it’s usually in my food, in my drinks. Sometimes when I pee, it’s in the toilet. I don’t know how it got there.” Ke$ha obviously chews alot of gum as well.