- Guy Ritchie refuses Madonna’s £20m offer (and starts busking)…
- Madonna is to adopt a new husband from Africa.
- After spending $150,000 on her wardrobe Sarah Palin is still a complete frump who calls "Jimmy Choos" "Johnny Choos".
- ‘Republican candidate John McCain, 98, has opened a Cryonics facility in Scottsdale, Arizona. Cryonics is the practice of using cold to preserve the life of a person who can no longer be supported by ordinary medicine.’ (reports satirical site thedailysquib)
- John McCain will then resume his presidency when they bring him back to life.
- "Prospective Vice President, Sarah Palin was honoured for her contribution to outstanding intellect and world knowledge. The Alaskan Governor received a Doctor of Wars from George W Bush University in a ceremony at Abu Ghraib College.’ (reports thedailysquib)
- Dina Lohan is still pimping out her children.
- Keanu Reeves is on trial. Not for his acting?
- Katie Price and Peter Andre’s ‘marriage on the brink’ (he is about to fall off her boobs).
- Elle Macpherson says she is not dating convicted drug trafficker Brian John Burgess. Just smoking drugs with him.
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