Karl Lagerfeld twittering… too, too funny.

• “Guilty feelings about clothes are totally unnecessary. A lot of people earn their living by making clothes, so you should never feel bad.”
• “I only wear the latest thing. It’s my job.”
• “I think I’m going to have a dinner party where no one speaks. I’ll give all my guests pens and pads instead of the usual dinner conversation.”
• “The French say you get hungry when you’re eating, and I get inspired when I’m working. It’s my engine.”
• “On this day each year, I soak the previous year’s calendar in my mother’s favorite perfume and then set it ablaze. Here’s to a fresh start.”
• “My dream? Transparent fur. The hair on plastic and not on leather. We’ve tried, but nobody has found it yet.”
• “Florals are for middle-aged women with weight problems.”
• “Believe it or not, I love rap.”
• “Fur is not murder, but it is quite expensive.”
• “Chanel is an institution, and you have to treat an institution like a whore - and then you get something out of her.”
• “Throwing money out the window brings money back in through the front door.”

Karl Lagerfeld on twitter and check out his website.

Reasons for a snazzy silver foldable Perigot bag:

• Because that green ugly thing you take to the supermarket is green and ugly.
• Because your Prada bag doesn’t seem to like to carry vegetables.
• Because you always spy something pretty in Duty Free you suddenly need to carry.
• Because you can never have too many bags and shoes.
• Because you can never have too many bags to carry the shoes.
• Because you can squish it easily into your Balenciaga tote for spur of the moment emergency shopping.
• Because it’s French and chic and it will fold up into a cutest, tiny little bag.
• Because it comes in fabulous colours like red, black, green, gold and silver.
• Because it comes in camouflage. Which means you can smuggle your new shoes into your house without being noticed. Or arrested.

$25 Perigot Mini Foldable Bags from Robert Burton.

The inimitable Coco Chanel said:

• “Luxury must be comfortable, otherwise it is not luxury.”
• “A woman who doesn’t wear perfume has no future.”
• “Fashion fades, only style remains the same.”
• “There are people who have money and people who are rich.”
• “Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It is not. It is the opposite of vulgarity.”
• “Look for the woman in the dress. If there is no woman, there is no dress.”
• “A woman is closest to being naked when she is well dressed.”
• “There is time for work, and time for love. That leaves no other time.” Except time to shop. At the new, very fabulous Chanel boutique at Westfield Bondi Junction. (Head to First Class for all the details.)

Problem: Tragically fine hair that can’t miss a day without washing.

Answer: John Frieda Lavish Root Booster Spray.

I am in love with this product. I cannot live without it. Girls throw away that dry shampoo that leaves white powder every where! (insert your own white powder joke here). You want to use this fabulous volume spray every day you wash your hair. And every day you don’t. I promise it will lift and boost your sad old roots giving your hair volume and thickness it never knew it had. Use it in dry or wet hair and then get the blow dryer out and go crazy. They say a “targeted lifting complex containing heat protectiona polymers and Panthenol protects and strengthens hair while styling.” I say who cares about the science behind it: just give me good hair. Just give me a lavish Root boost (insert your own bad joke here).

$16.95 John Frieda Collection Luxurious Volume Lavish Lift Root Booster from department stores and chemists.

• Christian Lacroix: “I am too angry to cry”… Famously over-the-top French designer Christian Lacroix says that fighting to save his couture business will spark his creative renaissance. Read it here.
• The bookers at French Vogue must have had an easier time of late. The fashion title only booked one photographic duo and one model for the forthcoming August issue. Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin were tapped to shoot all the fashion pages for the issue with Daria Werbowy. Reports WWD.
• Dolce Gabbana has opened their online store… but damn it doesn’t ship to Australia Outrageous… Also check out the new winter campaign…shagadelic.
• US Vogue has appointed Sylvana Soto-Ward as the director of special events, succeeding Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, who resigned on Thursday. Since 2006, Soto-Ward has served as accessories editor, having joined the title in 2003 as assistant to editor in chief Anna Wintour. In addition, Megan Salt will join Vogue’s special events department as special event consultant. Salt has been working with the magazine on the Fashion’s Night Out program and formerly worked at HL Group. Reports WWD.
• Michelle Obama’s last true cultural antecedent is ‘Cosby’s’ Clair Huxtable says Robin Givhan at The Washington Post.
• Sundance’s New Series “The Day Before” is the ultimate in Fashion insider access: “The Sundance Channel will debut an original series in (the northern hemisphere) Autumn..” The four-part series, which begins the day before New York Fashion Week in September, was directed by Loic Prigent, the fashion journalist behind the very brilliant documentary Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton. The series covers the global fashion calendar — from Sonia Rykiel’s 40th anniversary celebration in Paris in October to Proenza Schouler in New York in February, Fendi by Karl Lagerfeld in Milan in March, and Jean Paul Gaultier’s haute couture show in Paris in July — capturing designers at this key moment when creativity and business come together”. says Glamour.
• I die! It’s bananas! It’s Rachel Zoe! Reports EW.
• The new Prada winter campaign shoot has been leaked on to The Fashion Spot.
• Check out Marchesa’s Georgina Chapman on the cover of Tatler.
• Emma Watson looks fabulous on the cover of Teen Vogue.
• And is that Sienna Miller on the cover of Russian Harpers?

Marc Jacobs

If you love Marc Jacobs (and who doesn’t?) then check out his fabulous website and scroll to special items. You will love all the cheap but chic pieces such as the rings US$12, the gumboots US$28 and the fabulous rubber tote US$55. There are also fabulous bikinis, Tee shirts, cuffs and umbrellas!
It’s excellent window shopping but you need to ring them to ship to Australia.

• Johnny Depp is the Mad Hatter from Tim Burton’s new film Wonderland! Stylefrizz
• Michael Jackson is dead at 50. Madonna can’t stop crying. Bless
• “Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are delighted to announce the healthy arrival of their two daughters Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick.” Pink is the new Blog
• “Gisele Bündchen is expecting and “ecstatic,” sources tell People.”
• Farrah Fawcett died of cancer. Bless her too.
• “Robin Wright Penn: Marriages require work.” (Especially with Sean Penn) People
• “More than a year on and it’s looking like the real thing between Naomi Campbell and her billionaire Russian love Vladislav Doronin.” Hello Magazine
• Jennifer Aniston and Brad go on a date. Us Magazine
• “Nicky Hilton: Paris is “Fabulous” after split from Doug.” Says Us Magazine
• Paris Hilton pisses off entire Arab world TV producers had banned the airhead heiress from wearing a bikini while she is in Dubai shooting the third series of My New BFF. But within hours she was posing for photos in a skimpy two piece. Brilliant. The Superficial
• “Lindsay Lohan spends her weekend crying outside Samantha Ronson’s house. Let’s be frank, she’s homeless, isn’t she?” Says The Superficial.
• We thought Sienna Miller was done with Balthazar Getty but apparently not. The duo was spotted on vacation together in Positano. Popsugar
• “In sickness and in health: Ryan O’Neal weds Farrah Fawcett on her deathbed.” Mail Online

Losing Mum and Pup: A Memoir… by Christopher Buckley.

In twelve months between 2007 and 2008, Christopher Buckley coped with the passing of his father, William F. Buckley, the father of the modern conservative movement, and his mother, Patricia Taylor Buckley, one of New York’s most glamorous and colorful socialites. He was their only child and their relationship was close and complicated. Writes Buckley: “They were not — with respect to every other set of loving, wonderful parents in the world — your typical mom and dad.”

“One of the funniest writers in the English language.” (Tom Wolfe)
“Smartly written… an improbably funny book that will hit home hard… Read it and chortle. Read it and weep.” (New York Times Janet Maslin)
“Dazzlingly written.” (National Review)
“Intense, beautifully written and often achingly personal…” (Washington Times)
“There are also many touching moments… really much more akin to Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking.” (New York Magazine)

US$15.92 Amazon. Publisher: Twelve (May 6, 2009).

The Christmas List: The Selby Paris… by Todd Selby.

You love the fabulous interiors, the chic houses and all the glamorous and people on The Selby site now you can buy the book! The Selby Paris book was released April 2009 at the opening of The Selby Paris show at Colette. It includes watercolor paintings and photographs of all the people that were photographed in Paris for the show, many of which have not been seen on The Selby website.
This book is the second edition, with only 600 copies printed in New York City. Fabulous!

US$37 from The Selby website.

Economy Class:

Target
I love to go into Target and fossick through the racks: it’s easy to drool over everything in Chanel but you work hard here: and we love a challenge. There is something exciting about suddenly spying a bargain with style in amongst a lot of STUFF. Best Buys are:

• The new Free Fusion black cotton, boyfriend blazer with fab stripe lining $59. As you can see you must turn up the sleeves to show the lining. Who knows why but that’s the trend. Where it came from we may never know but it’s the look. So shove up all the sleeves of your jackets. All the better to show off your Hermes watch and cuffs.
• Check out the chic black, wool melton peacoat with black buttons. It’s double breasted with 8 buttons and seems to have a slight A-line shape. Chic for $79. The thing is, in Target, you can’t have anything that is too recognizable like the obvious bright print dresses. Imagine if someone had the same! Or knew it was from shhhh…Target. OMG. Quelle drama. So always stick to the classics colours or simple basic tops.
• That saying check out the black and grey animal print racer back Tee by Free Fusion $20. I know. You would think animal print + cheap would = tacky. But there is something that is cool about this Tee. It’s very Balmain or Lanvin inspired. Wear it under a chic sharp jacket with peg leg pants and you’ve got the look. (Oh and climb up into your killer heels and stomp away.)
• You want the long sleeve round neck Tee in perfect dark grey marle. The grey classic Tee is one of THE pieces of the season. YSL first started the look seasons ago and threw gorgeous grey marle Tees under navy sleeveless jackets. You will notice a lot of the chic crowd/models/fashion editors are just tossing a grey knit or Tee under a sharp shouldered jacket. Please they are NEVER scoop necks. All the better to show off the Burberry jewel necklace. $19
• There are racks of jeans here for outrageous prices like $49. I like faded black almost grey. You will find everything here from skinny to high waist.
• Love the red and grey skinny stripe, short sleeve Tee with a cool detail: it has long sleeves attached under the short sleeves in a wider stripe. It’s a trick because it looks like you have been clever and layered up the Tees yourself $34. But instead you have been so lazy. Also in black. Plus love the black and grey stripe Tee with a hood $29.
• You want the black leather biker jacket $199. It has a few zips but it doesn’t look cheap or crappy. It’s a great buy.
• Also check out the huge racks of knits here: there is everything from the chic grey rib V-neck cardigan about $29 to some excellent rib, short sleeve knits with a crew neck. I wish it had a simple lower round neckline but it’s pretty good for $29. You want the expensive looking colours like choc brown or grey. Of course.
• Love the ballets flats with an elastic side and patent toe, plus a bow, very Chanel inspired for an outrageous $19. (As I often say: You pay more for French Vogue.) Also in a cream and black.
• Also check out the cotton jersey Harem pants $39, and the black opaques 50 denier tights $9. Please keep away from the short boots and anything with a fringe on it. They are just too scary here in plastic. Bless.

Witchery
On sale but also new more summery pieces are appearing. Best buys are:

• The very handy sleeveless zip front puffa jackets in cream, grey, black or navy. They seem to have a fur trimmed detachable hood. How clever. That means you can wear it all sorts of ways. On sale $99.
• I spy a very Prada/Marni inspired black circle lace pencil skirt with a flesh coloured lining now on sale $99. This is a great little piece with a leather biker or with a short jacket. It would great with a polo neck sweater.
• Love the Mongolian black fur shaggy vest now on sale $199 (was $399). I have been living, living and loving my Sussan shaggy vest which has a knit back. I love this one here at Witchery because it’s full on fur. Front and back. It’s a great little number to instantly razz up the rest of your wardrobe. Toss it over a dress or a simple knit and voila: You are tres cool. The great thing is you can wear it inside at dinner (don’t let it dip in the soup) so it’s a good cover up.
• Or you can buy the grey shagadelic Mongolian wool shearling trim biker vest. It’s a suede sleeveless vest with a shaggy wool trim along the neck, arms and hem. Includes a V-neck line with a buckle front opening. Only for those who can carry if off with aplomb. Wear this over a floral dress and go all out hippy. Now $299.
• Check out the taupe leather asymmetrical zip biker jacket. It has a round neckline with the zip on the side… love it now on sale $499. Taupes and creams and all those pale colours are big trend for next season. This will look divine with choc brown or taupes.
• There is also a chic fine knit, roll neck short sleeve Tee, now $89. This is a perfect little trans-seasonal piece to throw on for work with a flirty skirt or peg leg pants.
• In accessories you want the very exact copy (and a very good one) of the Prada black ruched shoulder bag with a resin handle $229 or the so very Marc Jacobs (I can’t believe it!) taupe and brown layered flap ‘Alana” shoulder bag with a silver clasp… for you now on sale $229.
• In the shoes try and get your hands on some short back ankle boots called Gemma; they will take you through to summer and into next winter, now $99.
• Not on sale is the black silk, pleat front dress with a pleated gather frill neckline. It’s sleeveless and has a self belt …it will work day or night summer or winter. Yes, please $189.

Nine West
It’s a huge 50% off sale… You want:

• The purple suede peep toe heels with a lace up front and a little platform (hardly worth mentioning a platform we are so used to them now) on sale now $79. Love a purple shoe! Add a little unexpected whimsy.
• The dark red patent gladiator heels with a silver buckle and studs are pretty fabulous. They have an open toe and the heel is quite chunky for good walking. Well, at least for an hour of shopping anyway now $79. Love a red shoe with black opaques. Love a red shoe with black.
• In the bags check out the faux suede choc brown two handle tote now $99. Simple easy and understated.
• I see a pair of black round toe, lace up brogues that have a small platform now $89. The 20’s style lace up brogue will work very well for next winter too. Just make sure you wear them with something sexy: Not a pussy Bow Mrs Doubtfire blouse. You are not on the set of Mad Men. Try them in a Christopher Kane kind of way with pretty dresses. Or with short shorts. Oh please not ever with jeans. Oh please don’t.
• Love the black or suede very Chloe, peep toe shoe boots with a sling back and a silver ankle buckle on sale now $79. They are cool and will look great with jeans but cropped turned up and short boyfriend jeans sitting just below the cuff. So what if all these shoes cut your ankle off and make your legs look short. Who cares! It’s fashion and it’s a hot look.
• The fake snakeskin patent patchwork clutch is not bad for $59. If you squint your eyes it could be Gucci. Take it out at night in a candle lit bar and no one will ever know…
• The black and white tweed hats are cute …the trilby is now on sale $79 I think.
• There are boots galore on sale here from flat to high boots… best pick are the cute black suede ankle boots with a small kitten heel for those who don’t want to do big monster shoes for $99.

Business Class:

Max&Co
On sale but I spy the new summer collection also coming in store too. Best buys are:

• You want the cool zip front silk dress in a patchwork of abstract sizes of light blues, dark blue, and navy. It has a V-neck and it’s sleeveless $395. So nice and summery. But of course toss black opaques and a biker jacket (below) and you are out the door. Dressing is easy!
• Love the black vintage style biker jacket with a hidden zip and zip pockets also in a brown $995. Tres chic. Do I have to tell you how to wear a biker jacket? I think not. Surely you know by now. New FiFi subscribers may skim back into the archives if they are struggling. But if you are sobbing with frustration because you are still a dag you may email me anytime. Help is near.
• On sale there is an entire rack full of the chicest puffa jackets and vest you ever saw. Some with fur trims on the hoods. Makes you want to move to Nova Scotia. Or at least Thredbo. $600
• Please someone buy the black quilted brocade, single breasted coat that is quite dramatique. Love it. It has a half belt that does up around the back, now on sale. This is not boring black. Oh no. This is texture shine and lots of interesting details. Don’t think of this as a coat for evening. Think of this as a coat to wear over a white Tee and jeans. Or with a floral dress. It’s all about taking evening pieces in the day. $700.
• Oh, I see a gorgeous stone trench …it’s in a crinkle fabric and is double breasted… quite fabulous $455.
• There is a very Marni style brown and navy check silk tunic dress with cap sleeves. The print is quite graphic: its a bit loose and boxy but could be good if you belted it in. Or if you stopped eating all those fried mars bars. $172
• Check out the fabulous black sheer chiffon peasant style blouse with full poets sleeves and a wide boat neck …very YSL …love it and so right for next season too. Again wear this jeans, with stone chinos or with casual crop trousers. Wear with a black singlet or you will be arrested for exposure. $170
• Love the black wool melton peacoat with epaulettes: it’s the jacket of the season and this one is the one you want. I insist you buy it. For you only $371 …what a price for a chic jacket. So French.
• In the accessories you want the orange nylon tote $270 with a brown leather trim, the grey nylon two handle tote with silver studs $275 and the cute round toe ballet flats $250. There are gumboots here that are so cute!

Country Road
On sale but some, chic new season very wearable pieces coming in store. Best buys are:

• New in, is a huge collection of jeans… I find the fit is great here (Must be made for my bootylicious shape). There are skinny, low rise or high waist with a flat front …about $129
• Love the new crinkle trench coat. Well, of course I do. It’s in a funny caramel mustard brown colour or it comes in faded grey cotton. It has an interesting silver zip detail on the pockets and has cool multi over stitching. It’s double breasted and belted as all good trench coats should be. Oh, Ok I will buy it… $299
• You want the paper bag waist black trousers in a floppy linen fabric… They have a self-belt and are a little cropped in length. They will be good at skimming over the hips and have a casual shape so great for your tropical holiday. $149
• You may also like grey cotton ¾ pleat front grey cotton pants are a great buy if you have skinny calves. The front pleat shape takes a big of getting used to but once you get it they are very comfortable. $129
• Buy the fabulous boyfriend jacket in a cotton satine (or is it poplin?). It’s a 2 button, single breasted with patch pockets and have fabulous rollup sleeves where you can see the stripe lining. This is a great cut and this is a jacket I know you will live in. You can wear this with a floral dress or with shorts, harem pants or jeans. Always add monster-licious heels. Always heels. (A man style boyfriend jacket needs to be sexed up.) $279
• The scalloped sleeveless black dress is quite fabulous and will look great with a trench coat or with gladiators. $279
• Love the cotton jersey one shoulder dress with a ruffle that seems to go across from one side to the other $149. This is definitely for the holiday in zee zouth of France…

Andrea & Joen
Are having an online sale with 30%-50% off their 2009 range of shoes…

Midas
On sale but there are new shoes in store …the good news? I see lots of flats… My picks are:

• The black lace up flats, very man style brogues. Yes, they are hot so get used to it. After all those outrageous gladiators heels and models falling off heels it’s time for a backlash. Of course you knew that lace up flats were coming back because they were in The FiFi Report 249 as an item du jour. Also check out the Christopher Kane show on Style.com where he showed lace up flats and you will get the idea how cool this looks, $198. It’s the very beginning of the trend but you know they will be in a lot of shows for next summer collections in October. It’s obvious to say you must wear these with a pretty dress. Unless your name is Ellen de Generes.
• There are also loafers in a serious quality leather… scary, so nineties, $398, in black and brown tan. Not sure if I can go back to loafers yet… Somehow I like the lace up shoes better.
• Still need boots? Then make a statement with black patent long boots with a round toe and a medium heel $368. The heel is not outrageous so put away the oxygen mask. And the foot stool to climb into them.
• Love the black suede lace up, shoe boots with a very high heel. They have a black patent trim and an inside zip so you don’t need to actually do up the laces every time you are running out the door. Because I know what it’s like to always run late. The only exercise I get. $278
• The black suede and fake snake skin multi strap heels are very cool. Very strappy so great if it’s not raining. Melbourne readers will like them because there is a drought and it hardly ever rains any more down there. $228
• In the ballet flats you want the fish scale elastic side mini loafers $198. SO chic in brown or tan they have a round toe. Yes, please.
• You want a metallic ballet flat so head here for all colours from blue, silver, gunmetal, gold or red, $228. But you don’t want the light blue or the pink unless your name is Barbie or you were born after 1995.

First Class:

Paul and Joe
On sale plus there are some new season in store. My picks are:

• The Paul and Joe ‘Sista’ navy and white stripe long line cotton cardigan now $199. A simple, very French piece to have in the wardrobe to wear over a floral skirt. Love a mix up of patterns.
• Like a moth to a flame I zoom like an addict over to the black, double breasted satine trench. So chic, it’s belted with silvery/black buttons and in this fabric you can ago anywhere in it. Summer or winter. Perfect with jeans or over a little black dress. But you knew that $599. This will be added to my archive collection for a Trench exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art.
• Love the cotton pink cream tiny floral print tunic top with big kimono sleeves. Very summery for you - $399.
• Check out the ‘Sista’ chic de la chic navy short swing coat. It is in cotton twill and very much like a peacoat but with 2 top buttons at the collar. In navy or cream on sale $299. Go for the navy for a very French look and wear it with black. Go for the white when you want to make beetroot gnocchi.
• There is an amazing Pierre Cardin for Paul and Joe watermelon and cream spot chiffon strapless maxi dress. It’s very full on and glamorous and too, too perfect for pool parties in Ibiza or St Tropez. $1800
• There are some fabulous shoes and bags here plus a few little chiffon blouses…

Ralph Lauren
On sale! Best buys include:

• A chic navy cotton blazer in moleskin kind of cotton with 2 buttons and patch pockets $449. This is a fabulous wardrobe basic. The shoulders are not too wide so if you are after a sharp shouldered jacket then this is not it. This is more your garden variety classic jacket. And I like it.
• I see a simple grey wool melton shift dress: it does have a slightly scoop neckline (grrrrr) but it does have that fit n flare shape: that is a shape that is fitted through the bodice and then flares out over the cellulite. Love this with a black patent belt and sexy heels. $499
• There is a very preppy, navy wool jersey blazer with white grosgrain trim and an insignia coat of arms on the pocket. It’s so school boy that it’s a little over the top. I think you need to make sure you channel Balenciaga when you wear this. You know with the jodhpurs chinos and with a big fur collar. Killer platforms are de rigueur. Ok at Ease. $999
• I spy a navy and red wide stripe blazer… Oh, dear. …I can’t imagine who would wear this except maybe Perez Hilton. Or AC/DC.
• Check out the grey and cream pinstripe wool flannel blazer $599. It’s a great work piece but if you were clever you could wear it over a white cuffed shirt and then back with ripped scruffy boyfriend jeans from Balmain. Wear with Irony. Wear with sexy gladiator heels.
• Love the white ruffle front blouse $199. What a price! Ruffles are a coming big time for summer…

Chanel
The new Chanel boutique at Westfield Bondi Junction is the item du jour. The boutique is designed in the the signature Chanel boutique colour of black and white it also has distinct areas for ready-to-wear, accessories and watches. The opening fashion collection is the Karl Lagerfeld-designed Paris-Moscou Pre-Fall collection. You will want to drool over the following pieces:

• The gorgeous classic round neck, black zip front boucle jacket with red trim and silver buttons. $6000
• The incredible black leather jacket with trim in a curly fur. $11,000
• The divine orange/red zip wool jacket with contrast black trim with gold buttons and patch pockets. $9,180
• The grey simple round neck cashmere knit pullover $1000, also in black.
  In accessories: You will love the white quilted wool bag covered in brooches galore. $8130
• Everyone should have the 2.55 black quilted bag with a silver chain strap. $4200
• Love the Rue Cambon shopping toe in black or white. $4850
• Adore the tres chic double headed eagle jewel brooch. $1900

An exhibition of Chanel sports equipment and accessories, especially commissioned for the new boutique, will commence on July 4.

Chicken, Leek and Mushroom Pies …adulterated from Cuisine.

On a cold rainy night is there anything better than a very French Chicken and Leek Pie? The key to French cooking? Butter, cream and wine…

You need for 4 x size 10 girls, 2 hungry shopperholics or 30 French Vogue Fashion editors.

25g butter
2 to 3 chicken breasts cut into 2cm pieces
300g button mushrooms
2 leeks, finely sliced or 1 brown onion
1 clove of garlic, finely chopped
4 sprigs thyme
1/4 cup plain flour
1 cup chicken stock or 1 cup of white wine
1/2 cup sour cream
4 tabs chopped parsley
salt and pepper to season
1 sheet frozen puff pastry, thawed
1 egg, beaten

• Preheat oven to 200°C.
• Flick on Open Fire DVD.
• Turn on heater.
• Slip out of Burberry puffa jacket and into Burberry sweater dress.
• Step down out of Balenciaga platforms.
• The air is colder down here on the ground so pull on your Prada socks.
• Pour a wine. Gulp.
• Take off Hermes gloves.
• Put on Chanel sunglasses; reapply waterproof mascara.
• Now chop up the onion. Don’t cry.
• Chop up the chicken into the size of a Cartier Pasha watch.
• Chop up garlic into the size of Lindsay Lohan brain.
• Chop up the mushrooms into the size of a Prada bag clasp.
• Pull the pastry sheet out of the freezer.
• Now find a frying pan and melt the butter (you can add olive oil too for even more fabulous calories).
• Throw the chicken in the divine butter until it’s browned a little (it will cook more later).
• Set it aside on another plate so the chicken can have a little alone time.
• Now toss in the garlic, leeks, and the beautiful thyme.
• Pour in the wine and then why not? Have another glass yourself. I insist. Hic.
• Let it simmer for a couple of minutes until the leeks are nearly cooked. It might take about 5 or more minutes.
• Pop the chicken back in the pan (it was getting very lonely).
• Now let it simmer and cook away for about 5 minutes or so.
• When it’s cooked pour in all those naughty calories of sour cream and the chopped parsley.
• Season with lots of salt and pepper.
• Now cut the pastry top so that it will fit the top of the pie dish.
• Now spoon the chicken moosh into one big pie dish or into 4 cute little ramekins.
• Pop the pastry on top and give it a prick. If you know what I mean. This is an air vent.
• If you can be bothered you can brush the pastry with a beaten egg but it won’t be tragic if you don’t.
• Toss in the oven and cook for about 20 minutes or until the pastry is crisp and lovely and golden as an Hermes bag.
• Serve with une salade verte.
• Délicieux.