Brüno stars in a shoot with UK Marie Claire
He shares his hilarious A-Z Guide to Fashion…

A is for Austria: where people are raised to “try und achieve ze Austrian dream - find a job, get a dungeon und raise a family in it.”
B is for Bulimia “… still to me ze number one eating disorder if you want a great body.”
F is for Fashion: “ze most important und lifesaving of all ze sciences.”
H is for “High-vaisted Jeans; in terms of human tragedy on a mass scale, vy are zese not getting the attention zat Hurricane Katrina did?”
K is for “Kampf, mein… ze fashion bible written by Austria’s black sheep Adolf Hitler. It literally translates as ‘My Flamboyance.”
L is for “Little black child… thanks to Madonna… it’s zis season’s vardrobe essential.”
N is for Naomi Campbell: “She’s amazing - 20 years in ze business und all the pressure und fame hasn’t changed her a bit. She’s remained a total b****.”
P is for Pink: “Just vatching him now on MTV. A great singer und so hunky.”
S is for September 11, 2001: a date “famous, of course, for being ze day on vich Oscar de la Renta reintroduced ze chambray peasant blouse.”
W is for Winehouse:  “… not too skinny, in fact, for ein junkie she is actually zehr fat.”

Is your wallet yelling at you every time you start sneaking off to Prada? Is your credit card screaming every time you go to grab it in Chanel? You need get to get tough. You need a tough cuff. You need a tough cuff with silver studs… You need the Diva black stud leather cuff. Wear it with all your other bits of cool leather wrapped and stacked up your wrist. Otherwise use it to strangle your credit cards.

$12.99 Diva Cuff.

Reasons to snuggle into a warm, cozy throw rug this winter:

• George Clooney has a new girlfriend.
• You bought Balenciaga heels instead of a heater.
• The oven only heats up the kitchen.
• There are too many calories in whisky to keep warm all night.
• The cat has gone on strike.
• You would rather wrap yourself in a chic stripe Missoni throw than look at an ugly cheap heater.
• You love any excuse to go shopping. For more divine throws, rugs and blankets head to:
  – White Home
  – Country Road
  – Papaya
  – Orson and Blake
  or indulge in a divine Hermes H blanket.

Decadent things to do on a cold winter’s day:

• Rearrange your Jimmy Choos in alphabetical order.
• Apply Crème de la Mer to the cat.
• Wash your hair in French Champagne.
• Try on all your old jeans to make sure the old ones fit.
• Eat melted Mars Bars afterwards.
• Pull out all your old Balenciaga bags and pat them individually.
• Apply Bloom’s new limited edition shades of dark decadent grey nail polish. There is Agyness for “a splash of matte industrial concrete grey or shimmer up with “Alexa” for a gun metal edge.” Fabulous.

$19.95 Bloom Grey Nail Polish exclusively instore and online at Bloom. Limited time only!

• Heidi Klum guest edits the June issue of German Vogue in a special 140-page spread entitled “Heidi by Vogue”.
• Julianne Moore is on the cover of British Vogue July issue.
• British Vogue also photographed model Angela Lindvall at her cool home for the July 2009 issue.
• Check out the fabulous video on Modelinia: The History of Models I: Society Girls & Hollywood Glamour and here you can see The History of Models IV: The Rise & Fall of the Supermodel.’
• While you are at Modelinia checkout Inès de la Fressange and Gilles Bensimon chatting like old pals.
• ‘So What Do You Do, Laura Brown, Features & Special Projects Director, Harper’s Bazaar? She sent The Simpsons to Paris to meet Donatella Versace and Marc Jacobs, brokered a kiss and make-up session between Courtney Love and Karl Lagerfeld after the rocker riled up the designer by wearing fake Chanel, and convinced waifish stylist Rachel Zoe to pack on prosthetic pounds for some of Harper’s Bazaar’s most memorable photo shoots. It’s heady stuff for the Aussie who grew up on a farm in Sydney and moved to New York “to be where things happened.” Read it here.
• ‘Although early rumors had it that the economic crisis would turn the opening of this year’s Venice Biennale into a seriously unglamorous, penny-pinching affair, the rumors were proved very wrong yesterday, before the event even started. “Is that Naomi Campbell?” asked Lynn Forester de Rothschild at the Hotel Cipriani, where Eli Broad was hosting a lunch for Los Angeles Museum of Contemporary Art. (It was indeed Campbell, mingling with everyone from John Baldessari to Darren Star.) By nightfall there were still no Paris Hilton sightings on the Grand Canal, but several parties were humming.” says W Magazine
• ‘Carine Roitfeld dedicated the entire February 2009 issue of Vogue Paris to Lara Stone, and now it sounds like an upcoming issue of Vogue Paris will be dedicated to Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin - they are photographing the entire thing, cover to cover’ says Fasionologie
• ‘The 2009 CFDA Journal showcases the work of the nominees for this year’s CFDA Awards. But instead of using models, photographer Craig McDean and stylist Karl Templer decided to have the designers pose wearing their own stuff. Swarovski womenswear award nominee Jason Wu wears a dress over his suit and Louis Vuitton designer Marc Jacobs wore his Vuitton bunny ears. ‘Reports The New York Magazine.
• ‘The handbag had landed. Louis Vuitton will announce a high-profile new ad campaign featuring 79-year-old astronaut Buzz Aldrin and fellow space travellers Sally Ride and Jim Lovell. Aldrin walked on the moon in 1969. Now he and the others will appear in photos shot by Annie Leibovitz, The ads will hit magazines’ July issues in a couple of weeks. And there will, of course, be a website.” reports WWD
• “Visit the enchanting ancient city of Damascus in Syria with British photographer Tom Craig and aristo-model Stella Tennant for UK Vogue’s May issue.
• Johnny Depp is on the cover of Vanity Fair.

Gucci is supporting HOME, “the unique cinematic environmental film directed by Yann Arthus-Bertrand, produced by Luc Besson and funded by Gucci parent company the PPR Group.

HOME takes an unprecedented approach in exploring the current state of the planet through aerial images filmed in more than fifty countries around the world, with the objective being the increased awareness of major environmental and social challenges facing humankind.”

In honor of the film, Gucci Creative Director Frida Giannini has designed a special, limited edition T-shirt, which will be sold in select Gucci stores worldwide and on Gucci.com. Giannini designed the T-shirt using 100% organic cotton and natural dyes in recyclable packaging. A white canvas bag with the HOME logo in gold accompanies the T-shirt. All profits donated to Goodplanet.org.

• Call the fashion Police! Britney’s muffin top is on stage in London! People
  
• George Clooney proves he is a creature of habit as he romances yet ANOTHER cocktail waitress. Says The Daily Mail
• Oprah relinquishes her Most Powerful Celebrity in the World crown to this year’s Forbes list topper, Angelina Jolie. Apparently Kung Fu Panda was better than we thought. Says OMG Yahoo
• Eva Longoria Parker and Tony Parker hit the high seas in his-and-her jet skis Tuesday while vacationing in Saint-Tropez, France. Reports People
• Now that Madonna isn’t as interested in him anymore, Alex Rodriguez is playing the famous-faces field. He got hit on in Parrot Cay over New Year’s by Donna Karan, and last week he took Kate Hudson on a date. Says New York Post
• Brad and Angelina are not splitting up. People
• ‘Gaunt Trinny Woodall loses her youthful looks as divorce takes it toll. Her fragile appearance comes months after she announced her split from her husband Johnnie Elichaoff and her ITV makeover show was cancelled.’ The Daily Mail
• Megan Fox: Being a Sex Symbol Is “Wonderful” “I didn’t decide I’m gonna be an actress cause I wanna be respected for how I play chess,” she says. How she plays her chest…
  Us Magazine
• Kate Moss is not pregnant and she is threatening to sue Now Magazine for their fabulous fact-checking job. WWD
• Christina Ricci ends her engagement…”They remain good friends and are still talking a lot” That’s the problem?. Us Magazine
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson continue their secret London romance, or not?
  The Superficial
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou gave their baby boy the very name Kenzo  People
• After a maid found David Carradine’s body reportedly hanging by the neck in a closet in his Bangkok hotel room, police called it suicide. But the actor’s manager refuses to believe it. Bless. People

The Children’s Book… by A.S. Byatt

“From the renowned author of Possession, The Children’s Book is the absorbing story of the close of what has been called the Edwardian summer: the deceptively languid, blissful period that ended with the cataclysmic destruction of World War I. The novel centres around Olive Wellwood, a fairy tale writer, and her circle. A.S. Byatt traces their lives in intimate detail and moves between generations, following the children who must choose whether to follow the roles expected of them or stand up to their parents’ “porcelain socialism.”

“May well be her masterpiece… The kind of novel that can remind us why we fell in love with books and literature in the first place.” - The Gazette

“Easily the best book Byatt has written since the Booker-winning Possession.” - The Sunday Times

“Magnificent loquacity… Gripping and often deeply affecting.” - Literary Review

“Compulsively readable… This extraordinarily rich book is superbly embedded in the thoughts and beliefs and feelings of the period - and indeed in its interior décor.” - The Spectator

“The Children’s Book is a work that superlatively displays both enormous reach and tremendous grip… Intellectual zest keeps the book sizzling with ideas. But it is alive with imaginative energy; too.” - The Sunday Times

US $36.95 Amazon. Publisher: Knopf Canada (April 21, 2009).

The Christmas List: Steven Meisel Three Hundred and Seventeen & Counting (Covers for Vogue Italia, 1988-2009…)

Photographer Stephen Meisel has shot every Vogue Italia cover for the last 20 years. Three Hundred and Seventeen and Counting, his third photography book, was released this week, featuring all his fabulous shoots including the infamous Supermodels going to rehab and B-list celebrities posing on the red carpet. Described as a “monument” - This books spans Meisel’s work from July 1988 - to today. It is a “once in a lifetime archive” that underlines the unique relationship between the photographer and Italian Vogue. “The freedom that Steven Meisel enjoys on Italian Vogue is exceptional, as is the length of the collaboration and its systematic nature, both unprecedented in the field.” FAAABULOUS.

€ 49.00 Mallard/Janvier Price. Publication date: May 2009.

Sales, Sales, Sales everywhere!

Economy Class:

Witchery
On sale… My picks:

• So it’s getting cold and you want the sleeveless black vest puffa vest on sale for $79: it is very smart and has a zip off hood. There is also a puffa with a fur trim hood and a belt if you are going somewhere freezing or if you just fancy sitting in front of the fridge. Remember you can wear a puffa for day with a pencil skirt and heels a la Burberry. It’s a cool look.
• If you are wanting to rock the lazy slut look on weekends then you must have the chic dark grey track pants $59.
• What can I say? I was drawn to the lovely stone Trench coat with a Burberry style lining $149. Rather fabulous. You can find out how to wear it in my book called “My life of Addiction to Trench coats”.
• Love the grey wool melton double breasted peacoat with a rib along the bottom: it’s very similar to the one at Country Road so I presume it was a Balenciaga (or was it a Stella?) and both stores were inspired. Bless. At least they both have great taste.
• You want the black fake fur Mongolian vest: love it. It’s a must buy now on sale for $299 (from $349). Wear this to wake up all your sad old clothes from last season. Everyone will notice the vest and not even realise how the rest of you is last season. Wear this over a grey knit and peg leg pants. Wear over a pretty floral dress. Wear this over your pyjamas in bed.
• You want the new but faded grey denim jacket $149 not on sale but a classic denim jacket: you know the denim jacket is back. So give it a big clap and a cheer because it’s a handy piece in your wardrobe. Nearly as handy as your wallet. Or your bottle of gin.
• Love the multi print floral navy paisley dress with puff sleeves: if you like floral you can have this one: it is waisted and has big sleeves and is very floaty. It’s also in brown colour way. I am not a fan of floral dresses on anyone over about 35. They are aging (sorry to swear) and very hard to wear. If you are made of money you don’t have to worry about how to wear it with anything. So why are you reading economy? Get to First Class now. $169
• Checkout the amazing (as in so cheap) dark denim parachute harem pants on sale for $19. Obviously no one understood how to wear them: the general public is a little slow on wearing a hot look. Bless. But I say for $19 you can wear this rocking around the house making baked pears. I have not tried them on but I am sure they will look great with heels. That is my job this afternoon: head to Witchery and try them.
• You want the black sequin jacket (as reported last week) yes it’s on sale I think for $299: it’s the cardigan jacket and you know you have to wear this over a white tee. Or a grey tee. It has no buttons and sits in a casual shape. Which is what makes it work. Don’t think of a sequin jacket as something glitzy that the Lady Gaga would wear but more along the lines of Kate Moss and Sienna tossing it on with jeans. Faded and ripped jeans.
• In the accessories you want to try on all the stacks of boots and shoe boots on sale $169. Go for black of course. I see some very similar to these Louboutins.

Esprit
Sale, sale, sale! My picks are:

• Love the leather jacket with a detachable jersey hood and silver zips: It’s not on sale but it’s quite chic although quite expensive for Esprit. It’s seems very similar to the Stella McCartney leather from last season that everyone has copied, sorry, been inspired by. It has a few pockets on the front and a front zip. Make sure you sex this up with a skirt or heels or something pretty and feminine or you will look like you are a bit butch. Which is fine if your name is Ellen. $499
• I spy lots of puffa jackets. (What?! Did designers think that climate change was over and we were going to freeze?) Oh but I do like a puffa and you want the one here with a detachable hood that has a fake fur trim: it’s duffle coat style. $189. There is also a short black puffa jacket with a black zip with a detachable hood $129
• Checkout the stretchy black jeans in Japanese denim called skin: cool $99. Do I need to tell you how to wear black jeans? I think you can work that out. Tip: Heels darling heels. Always heels. You also want the faded and creased denim Jeans. $119
• Love the grey sweater dress with a round low neckline: (is that a scoop? I hope not). It has cable on the bodice and then flares out a bit so not too clinging on the bit on your hips. Now on sale for $83. This is easy dressing.
• If you need classic cotton polo neck sweaters: they are here in lots of colours. They are not so warm in cotton but great for layering under all those puffa jackets. $59
• And if you are after something to wear to work that you can toss on then grab a pair of the black and white tweed cuffed pants: You could even wear these with flats. Not boots. Please no boots under wide leg pants. Boots are for skinny leg pants. $120

Nine West
On sale… Best buys are:

• You will love the choc brown ankle boots in fake suede: so chic. Just make sure you spray them with water proofer because who wants scuffed suede boots? Or just don’t go outside or take public transport and you will be fine. They are very simple with one inside zip and a round toe and a smallish heel. Smallish but still chic. $209
• Or if you still need more boots then buy the choc brown or grey suede lace up ankle boots. So expensive looking: They have a chic round toe and are gorgeous. Wear these with skirts and dresses. That’s the look. They will look good too with crop peg legs. Not jake the peg leg but those baggy 80’s front pleat pants that you love. $179
• I see some fabulous flat long boots with 2 buckles on the side not on sale $349. A little bit biker but they are cool. Wear with a dress.
• I see a cool casual fringe fake suede tote in choc or black now $89. Oh, go on why not? It will add a little je ne sais quoi to your wardrobe especially if you like the Boho Look. But keep it way from your fur vest or you will be channeling a hippy just too much. Peace man.
• Love the sparkle peep toe silver glitter heels very Louboutin $149, very OTT with a thin heel. Go on if you can’t go crazy with clothes then add some fun on your feet. You can spend hours looking at them. And they love a champagne. French of course.
• Everyone keep calm: I see a shoe you could almost wear to the office: what?! How can this be? Shoes that don’t look like you are ready to go to the S&M club. It’s a kind of a heeled black loafer with silver buckle across the toe and not too high. Chic understated and great for the office. Except if you are a fashion editor. Then you would have to hide under the desk every time the editor appeared. $179

Business Class:

Mimco
On sale… My picks are:

• If you are off to St Tropez then you need the white “Birdcage T-Bar Flat’ in white patent leather they have gold lining and buckle and multi straps around the heel. Now on sale for you $49. This is called a bargain. You will wear white all next summer. In fact white is a huge trend for next summer: My tip? I suggest you invest in some shares that own bleach companies: sales will be crazy over summer.
• Love the black platform shoe boot gladiator with a zip up the front: it has plaited leather details and multi straps: a hot shoe… now on sale for $279. Wear with black opaques please.
• Check out the peep toe, sling back, black heels with in a kind of patent patchwork: they have a thin heel and tough looking. But don’t be scared they only pain they will inflict is on your credit card $249. The best thing about these shoes is you can wear them in summer too. In winter just step over the puddles. You need to do some sort of exercise to counteract all those almond croissants.
• Love the amazing, very fashion, black flat boots with punched leather and sorts of holes. Very fashion in that they are not so functional. Punched leather can not really keep you warm. But you will look fabulous. $249
• Also love the very Balenciaga 06 square toe classic pumps in a burgundy patent, now on sale $229. These are also great shoes for the office and will love taking dictation and doing all the filing.
• Adore the chic de la chic so fabulous brown leather gloves with a shearling or fake fur Mongolian fluffy trim along the cuff. So glamorous. Just make sure you don’t wear them eating honey buttered toast. $129
• In the bags you should have the black square shoulder bag in mix of fabric and leather: it has a big silver buckle and a flap over the front like all 70’s inspired shoulder bags should have. On sale now this shape bag will take you straight into next season and you will never look like a dag again. $199
• Also check out the slinky bronze glowmesh small evening bag $299 and the fabulous “tuxedo” envelope clutch bags in blue with a silver clasp $229 but the black is not on sale and is $279. Simple chic and so right for going out. You can just throw in your keys and black Amex and gloss. The rest of your makeup you can give to the chauffeur.
• There are some fabulous necklaces on sale… too many to mention. TIP: The big necklace trend is continuing into next season so you won’t go wrong. Buy now and you won’t look back.

Lisa Ho
On sale… My picks are:

• The fabulous light wool gab trench: How could I resist? It has with epaulettes with a round neck (no big lapels or collar) and has chic small silver buttons $349. This will be part of an upcoming exhibition at the Powerhouse Museum called “A History of Trench Coats” curated by my good self.
• The dress trend is not going away so keep buying them: I love the multi print chiffon silk dress with long sleeves in a burgundy cream navy blue: It’s called the navy shard dress. Shard because the print looks like broken shards of glass. I don’t know if that is true. It has a waist (unlike yourself) and then it’s loose and floaty with poets sleeves. Wear this under a trench with gladiators and you will have a good look. Now $449.
• Love the fabulously over the top blue marabou feather shrug $649. It’s all fluffy and glam and if you can carry it off you should pay for it first. You could wear with black jeans or the grey faded skinny jeans. $199
• You can never live without tops: So check out the chic royal blue sleeveless top with a few ruffles along the round neckline: it has a loose shape and so skims and swings out. A little Marni inspired but isn’t every top you see like that? Wear this under a blazer with jeans. A great investment because you can wear into summer. $99. Also check out the multi print spot Marni style sleeveless top in a black and grey silk. It has a frill down the front $249. Wear these tops with classic pants but if you are felling adventurous mix it up and clash prints. Consuelo at Marni will be very proud of you.
• Love the softest caramel suede drape front jacket: it’s cut like a cardigan and very Rick Owens. Not on sale but DIVINE. $1000. Wear when cooking, playing with puppies or painting.

Scanlan and Theodore
Always divine here. Not on sale yet as far as I can see, they still have new stock arriving. (But anyway you shouldn’t be buying anything just because it’s on sale; Worst mistake ever.) My picks are:

• The fabulous chic understated navy twill soft jacket: it has wrap across the front at the side like a cardigan and is just easy dressing. You want to wear this over a tee or a cami. And please throw out the window the idea that you can’t wear black and navy together. Oh please, that is so old fashioned. Sorry, but get with it. Or just keep reading The FiFi Report and don’t tell anyone you had no idea. Bless. Navy and black is the chic colour combination and so French. Mais oui. You will increase your wardrobe outfits by two fold. $450
• If you want classic wear anywhere go to anything pants then invest in the high waist, wide black pants: Keep the top narrow when you wear wide pants (or 2 people will get up to give you a seat on the bus instead of one). High waist is an ongoing trend and works so well with wide belts and crop jackets. Plus they suck in the muffin top and make your legs look longer. Plus with wide pants you can hide daggy comfortable shoes under there and no one will notice. $450
• Love the very fabulous sleeveless very Prada-esque Guipure lace dress: Oh, it is certainly chic. You could wear this in the day if you keep your shoes un-glitzy. But obviously it would be so right for evenings. $900
• Love the cross front dress with 2 wide straps that cross over at the front: its in a simple sheath shape and is a classic. Please don’t try to wear anything under this. You crazy thing: it’s about showing off your arms. $550
• You know that big sleeves are a hot trend right now and you want the divine puff sleeve gauze knit with huge sleeves. $350
• I see another great dress: it’s in black brocade with a drape front but then falls loosely almost with pleat at the front: it’s sleeveless and quite fabulous. Yes, please. $650
• Buy the silver one button shimmer boyfriend blazer. $600
• You want the rib knit polo neck sweater in a very fine knit: it’s a winner for $140. Perfect for wearing under jackets because they are bulky and will sit under there like a good little jumper should. You won’t hear a peep from it and not even notice you are wearing it.
• Yes, there is a stone double breasted but I am pretending I didn’t see it or try it on. $900

First Class:

Evelyn Miles
This store is closing soon but there are still some fabulous new shoes coming in store. The best buys are:

• The fabulous Barbara Bui platform patchwork sling backs heels: they are a very forties look in purple and brown snakeskin details $898. More Barbara Bui is arriving soon.
• Love the Loeffler Randall faux snakeskin beige boots with a round toe and very special. $1498
• You want the Clergerie brown or black boots with a chunky wooden heel $1498. They are not refined but quite sturdy looking.
• Checkout the Clergerie burgundy patent lace up loafers $898. You know loafers are lurking and soon will be nearing the tipping point. That will be the time you will be tipping over in your heels.
• There are some chic Belle sandals on sale. Belle is the diffusion line of Sigerson Morrison: there are black patent classic low heel pumps or white patent sandals for about $300.
• There are some fab Pedro Garcia satin ballet flats in lots of bright colours for about $200.
• Buy the Marc Jacobs brown cross over sandals now sale for $300. They are a few seasons old but hey they look right and the quality is fabulous.
• Also love the Marc Jacobs black and white patent wedge sandals: again so right for next summer now on sale for you, special price of $300.

David Jones
The new season collections are instore but also some of the major designers are 50% to 70% off. Yes please. Choose from Dolce Gabbana, Martin Grant, YSL, Lanvin, Jil Sander and Chloe… My picks are:

• In Chloe there is a grey gab tunic mini dress with wide straps and a weird kind of zip across the neckline $800.
• There is a divine Chloe chiffon black drape blouse with chiffon ribbons all draping from the neckline: it has short sleeves and a drapes neckline about $900. In navy too. Divine. Wear with everything you own.
• Love the new season Chloe shift sleeveless dress in a stripe: it is in a navy, grey and white linen wide horizontal stripe: Just a simple short mini dress. $2800
• Buy the Chloe fabulous navy satin long sleeve peasant blouse with a round neckline and poets sleeve. $1300
• You want the Chloe orange, watermelon, lime, yellow beige cotton stripe crop cardigan with a deep V neck. $2100
• Please buy the Jil Sander grey knit simple round neck loose sweater. $649
• Love the Jil Sander black taffeta short straight dress sleeveless with a big bow. $1499
• Love the Jil Sander glitter ombre dress in an orange and brown that seems to change colours when you move: now $700? Can that price be true?
• In new season buy the divine Jil Sander choc brown suede blazer $4500. Ooh la la!
• In Martin Grant there is a divine simple black day drape front drape shift dress $1900. Gorgeous.
• You will die and go to heaven with the one shoulder Alberta Feretti long evening dresses… $$$$. Don’t ask.
• Adore the YSL animal print silk flirty skirt $800. So right. So YSL. The only animal print you are allowed to wear.
• There is a fab YSL grey cotton short peplum style 50’s jacket now about $1300.

Bay-roasted Pears… adulterated from Gourmet Traveller.

You need for 6 hungry people, 12 fashion editors and 35 models:

2 sprigs fresh bay leaves
6 small, firm pears
6 small lemons
150 gm brown sugar
100 gm unsalted butter, coarsely chopped
75 ml extra virgin olive oil
150 ml grappa or cointreau or any other booze in the fridge
Thick cream

• Slip into your favourite Prada tracksuit.
• Pull on Hermes socks.
• Pour a wine.
• Now preheat oven to 140C.
• Chop pears in half: no need to peel and you can leave the stem sticking out on the top.
• Ask George Clooney to scoop out the core so there is a chic little hole. He can do it very neatly if he has a melon baller at hand. Which I am sure he will. Otherwise he can scoop it with a knife.
• Toss a few fresh bay (or dried) leaves in the base of a chic white roasting tray (make sure it’s large enough to fit pears).
• Now place the pears, cut-side up on top of the leaves.
• Now peel 3 lemons with a vegetable peeler and scatter nonchalantly over the pears. So pretty.
• Scatter the pears with brown sugar, then chop up the naughty but nice butter, Pop a little blob of butter under each pear.
• Squeeze the 6 lemons and pour over the pears.
• Drizzle with olive oil.
• Toss in the oven and roast for about 40 minutes.
• Baste pears with pan juices if you can be bothered.
• Pour another wine.
• Eat main course.
• If you feel like it you can get up and increase the oven to 160C, and baste pears again.
• They should cook for another 15 minutes until they look as caramel as Donatella and are soft and goosey as your thighs will be after eating this.
• Just before serving drizzle over the cointreau and give the juices a little stir to mix it in.
• Then eat warm with the pears drizzled with pan juices and accessorized with a blob of thick cream.
• Divine.