It’s all happening at Cannes Film Festival.

• “He had me at hello,” Brad Pitt praising director Quentin Tarantino.
• “I had him at bonjour.” Tarantino replied.
• “We went out together… I got up the next morning and saw, like, five empty bottles on the floor and some sort of smoking device on the floor, Then, somehow, six weeks later I was doing the film.” Brad replies.
• “I’m a little homo, I’m a little Euro, and I’m a little ghetto.” Lee Daniels, director of Precious, was more modest in his auto-diagnosis. (So is Brad.)
• “This knowledge I have that I’m the best director. I see it as true. I’m sure other directors may feel the same way, maybe they don’t say it. I’m not sure I am, I just think I am. I feel it. There must be a lot of directors I haven’t seen films from.” Lars Von Trier on how he chose his latest film, Antichrist” He had himself at Hello.
• “Walking up the steps of the Palais in a gown, day after day. It’s terrifying. Have you ever seen how scared everyone looks when they’re walking up those steps? We’re all afraid we’re going to fall… If you’ve ever noticed in pictures at Cannes, when everyone gets to the top, they wave at the crowd. It’s really because we’re all just so happy we made it.” Kerry Washington is the best
• “In a film I made a long time ago… I even performed c****ingus on an actress to show the actor how to do it.” Pedro Almodovar on how to direct the action in his films. A little ghetto, a little Euro.

Recession dressing means:

• Shopping your wardrobe (for clothes you haven’t ever worn).
• Shopping your bookcase (for books you haven’t ever read).
• Shopping your fridge (for food you never thought you’d eat ).
• Shopping your bathroom (for mascara you never knew you had).
• Shopping at Target for a fabulous black wool melton peacoat. It’s double breasted and fitted with button detailing. Or check out the peacoat with epaulettes and back belt. Go for chic grey or black. Then just quietly cut out the label. And sew that into your Balenciaga blazer. (You can’t possibly be seen to be spending money in this economic climate.)
  $69 Black peacoat from Target.

What: Black Jeans
Which: You want black jeans. They should be a little faded grey or classic dark black. With no obvious stitching.  Go for mid rise skinny leg: you want a narrow silhouette to balance out your fabulous new sharp shouldered jacket. You don’t want skin tight but you don’t want baggy boyfriend either. They should be long and sit over the top of your outrageous stomp-a-licious heels. Or you can roll the hem. You don’t do skinny? (Except with a latte) then go for high waist with a wide leg or even a boot cut.
Why: Because we need something laid back and cool to replace versatile black pants. Because we love the relaxed, insouciance of Paris Vogue editor Emmanuelle Alt. Because black jeans will dress down your fancy military blazer. Because jeans are ageless. Because they don’t need ironing.
Wear: With a sharp shouldered blazer and a grey Tee. With a leather jacket, with a peacoat, with a sequin tee. You can ditch the belt. (And the ripped Tee!). Just add fabulous platform ankle boots or monster heels. Tip: Skinny jeans are tricky with converse or ballet flats if you have muffin thighs. So throw on a long military coat to cover up a floppy bottom.
Where: Just Jeans have high waist Levi’s with a skinny leg (which are actually quite low). Now $79, Jeans West for a chic slim leg in black $65, or try Target for black very high waist bootcut now about $39. Head to Jag for a fabulous mid rise straight (perfect if you have thighs) $99, and Ksubi for high waist dark black skinny $200. Nudie have black skinny high waist or low rise $220 from General Pants. Go to Country Road for fabulous low rise skinny (They are more high rise than you think!) $99, Sass and Bide for the best faded grey skinny low rise if you can get into them $219 and check out Saba for chic black waxed skinny jeans $99.

Best Ways to be environmentally friendly…

• Be an Eco Fashion Superstar like Cameron Diaz. (In the June issue US Vogue.)
• Reduce your Foot print by only wearing stilettos.
• Speak nicely to your leather jacket.
• Wear the same handbag at least twice.
• Only inject organic botox.
• Don’t leave the vibrator on standby.
• Recycle your favourite jokes.
• Only use substainable lip gloss.
• Rush out and buy the Sassoon Eco Dry Hair Dryer. They say “it has an advanced energy saving technology and it uses only half the energy consumption. Its lightweight slim design is made from less plastic and it uses less packaging. By using the Eco Dry everyday, you can save enough energy to make 7 cups of tea or 11 slices of toast”. Why waste energy blow drying your hair when you could be eating it? (with lashings organic unsalted butter). $36.95 from VS Sassoon styling tools.

• The new Kate Moss Top Shop collection is now on sale !
• Cameron Diaz is on the cover of Us Vogue: watch the video of the shoot here.
• For her cover shoot with Michael Thompson for the June Issue of Allure actress Jessica Biel “wasn’t even slightly fazed by posing on a four-story platform in an electrical plant.”
• Another Carine Roitfeld interview…”With her winning formula of style, sex and controversy, Carine Roitfeld is the woman everyone in fashion looks up to. But is the editor of French Vogue ready to take on America?
• Us Vogue’s fashion news and features director Sally Singer has been photographed in her apartment by photographer Todd Selby. Love it ! ”www.theselby.com
• LOVE this shoot in W “Fall fashion celebrates great style in countless guises, in looks as unfettered as Burberry Prorsum’s girlish charmers, as feisty as Michael Kors’s fanciful sportif, and as shamelessly haute as Alexander McQueen’s graphic glam-fest.”
• Halston has tapped London-based designer Marios Schwab as its new creative director.Reports WWD.
• ” Last week models and editors sat on the Lido in Venice at sunset to see Karl Lagerfeld’s new creations for the Chanel Cruise 2010 show. The campaign images are out, starring Karen Elson and Baptiste Giabiconi, shot by none other than the Kaiser himself in a dark vintage-looking hotel room.” See them at Modelinia and Chanel.
• ‘A tell-all book by former Lagerfeld assistant Arnaud Maillard, made waves two years ago when it first came out in France. The book has just been released in German, and Maillard, who led the Lagerfeld Gallery Studio for five years, reiterates in a new interview with Speigel something we all knew: Karl is self-involved. “He’s an unbelievable narcissist. He needs an eternity to get ready in the morning. He takes photos of himself at every photo shoot and puts them everywhere. He surrounds himself with a kind of royal court, nobody disagrees with him. Wherever he goes, there is Pepsi-Cola in a Baccarat crystal glass waiting for him and it gets replaced every 30 minutes. It’s like the 18th century. ” Reports Spiegel Online and New York Magazine.
• ” Dior’s online commercial disguised as a short film for Lady Dior handbag is out. Marion Cotillard stars as the femme fatale who is trying to rescue a guy who’s tied up in a dark room somewhere. She walks the beams of the Eiffel Tower in heels one really shouldn’t be walking the beams of the Eiffel Tower in, though they are fabulous. Old men are interested in what’s inside her bag. She takes out some small leather goods Dior would also like you to purchase. It’s a beautiful, expensive-looking effort.” says the Cut. See it here.
• CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund finalists Alexander Wang designed khaki pieces for this year’s installment of Gap’s Design Editions series.

Anna Wintour : Behind The Shades

This is compelling viewing! Watch her first lengthy TV interview (for 60 Minutes) here. Then check out the Out takes especially the fabulous accessory closet here!)
“She is said to be the most powerful woman in fashion and she does nothing to dispel that belief. Her name is Anna Wintour, a name that strikes terror in some, loathing in others, and transforms yet others into obsequious toadies.
It should also be said she commands a loyal band of friends and admirers. Nevertheless, she was the inspiration for the novel and movie “The Devil Wears Prada.”
For 21 years, this divorced mother of two has been editor of Vogue, the last word in sophisticated fashion and fantasy.
The aura of mystery that surrounds the 59-year-old Wintour is palpable. She is a paparazzi and gossip column magnet. Every twitch, every frown, every suppressed smile is recorded.
She’s been portrayed as Darth Vader in a frock, or less harshly, as “Nuclear Wintour.” Or is she really just peaches and cream, with a touch of arsenic?”.

• ‘Paris Hilton is surprised Cannes coordinator aren’t paying her $100,000 quote to appear at their events when the entire town is crawling with celebrities who actually do things. For free. Vanity Fair
• ‘Gwyneth Paltrow filed suit against Courtney Love , claiming the rocker copied her GOOP Wellness Newsletter concept with Love’s recently launched POOP. ‘
• ‘Look away now if you’ve got a weak stomach: Ronnie Wood and his younger girlfriend Ekaterina’s very public display of affection’. The Daily Mail
• ‘Ryan Philippe was spotted cavorting at a Cannes nightclub with Ne-Yo and random blondes while in town with his girlfriend Abbie Cornish, who’s got a movie, Jane Campion’s Bright Star, in competition. He didn’t seem to realize Cannes has a higher concentration of press than pretty much anywhere right now.’ Reports Vanity Fair.
• ‘Lindsay Lohan is still spending the night at Samantha Ronson’s house. Then again, where else is she gonna steal money from? Her mom?’ Says The Superficial.
• Lisa Rinna opens up about “Gross” Lip Injections “I was just dumb and gullible enough to go and do it,” she says of injecting silicone in her upper lip. ‘ Still dumb, still doing it. reports Us Magazine
• Paris flashed her Britney getting out of a car in Cannes then went to a cocktail party for her documentary ‘Paris, Not France’. (otherwise called “Rich, Not brainy. )The Superficial
• Katie Holmes escape attempt fails. Again
• Patrick Swayze is “Alive, Well”. Despite a Florida radio station reporting the actor passed away this morning. He is “enjoying his life” and responding to treatment. Oops. Us Magazine
• Mel Gibson has impregnated his mistress Oksana Grigorieva.
• Cynthia Nixon is engaged to a girl.
• Barack Obama: Dating My Daughters “Will Be an Issue”… “I have men with guns surrounding them at all times, which I’m perfectly happy with” he jokes. Us Magazine.

The Towering World of Jimmy Choo: A Story of Power, Profits, and the Pursuit of the Perfect Shoe ...by Lauren Goldstein Crowe & Sagra Maceira de Rosen

‘The Towering World of Jimmy Choo examines the world’s seemingly insatiable appetite for luxury goods by telling the behind-the-scenes tale of one of the most talked-about brands of our age.
Jimmy Choo was a London shoemaker when Tamara Yeardye, a London society girl, convinced him to launch a factory-produced luxury shoe line. Twelve years later, Jimmy Choo is a household name, and Tamara still presides over what is now one of the most successful luxury brands in the world - one worth some 220 million.  The story of how the Jimmy Choo brand got to where it is today is one of love, controversy, fashion, finance, celebrity, power, intrigue and, above all, intense ambition.’ A must read !

$59.99 from Allen and Unwin. Publication Date: March 2009

The Christmas List: Terence Conran’s Inspiration… by Terence Conran and Stafford Cliff

‘People say that the most successful homes are the most sustaining and invigorating to live in, or even just to visit. This is true of Barton Court, the house in Berkshire where Terence Conran has made his country home since 1977. It has been a family home, a center to his Habitat Design business, a factory and studio for producing commercial and domestic furniture, a laboratory for testing his recipes and writing cookery books and has a working fruit, vegetable and herb garden, supplying produce for his restaurants. Through the objects that Terence has collected, and the things he finds on his travels, we can learn, not only about the man behind a multi-million dollar empire, but the processes that stimulate his creativity and the sources of his inspiration.‘ A fabulous book.
US $37.80 from Amazon. Publisher: Conran (April 1, 2009).

Economy class:

Sportsgirl
Looking fabulous this week: there are so many cool pieces for all ages (let’s face it I am not 22. Damn).
My Picks:

• Love the very chic black wool melton peacoat with epaulettes $149. Peacoats are everywhere this season and I love them. So French so chic so right with jeans and flats. This version is very similar to the Max and Co version: I think it is also in grey. Love it. A great price and looks more expensive. The good news you can wear this with your flirty skirt, your skinny black jeans or with shorts.
• Buy the fake fur black/brown fleck vest with a satin belt $110. The fake fur vest is an instant wardrobe updater. But you knew that. Be brave throw it on and I promise you will not take it off.
• Love, love, love the Minty meets Munt black tee with a silver skull on the front; cool and very Damien Hirst $70. Wear this under your black blazer and with jeans or groove up a serious flirty skirt.
• Please buy the very Rick Owens soft and floppy grey suede one button jacket with a wide lapels: divine $249. Wear with your black harem pants, (You must have bought a pair by now) and a grey knit sweater.
• Love the black sequin tank: it has a nice black satin trim detail on the hem $129. The sequin tee is a hot item du jour as reported months ago in The FiFi Report. Buy now and get serious wear, while the trend is peaking. You can wear sequins in the day as long as you dress it down so you don’t look like are Donatella tacky or from Glitz city USA. Layer it over a white Tank or then try a sharp blazer. Ditch the leather jacket: that is hard to carry off.
• On sale I see a few bargains: Buy the grey or black soft knit batwing short V neck cardigan on sale $59. Fabulous and so much more cool than a daggy Miss prim cardigan. I know Anna Wintour loves them and I have to ask her why? Layer over a white tee.
• On sale: the fabulous leather blazer: it has 2 front buttons but no collar or lapel just a low V neck now $199. Chic. We all need a leather jacket but this is a nice alternative to a biker jacket.
• On sale: the very Balmain black leather military jacket with brass buttons now $199. Ok so it’s Miss trendy 2009 but it’s hot and you can wear it, thrash it, love it and say goodbye.
• On sale: check out the grey soft wool melton belted coat with a huge high collar now $129. Looks expensive and it’s quite the chicest thing.
• In accessories you want the over the over knee flat boots with elastic up the side $199 and the grey double handle tote, simple and ruched $59.

Cotton On
Head here for all sorts of fabulous cheap but chic buys. My picks are:

• The fabulous black leather blazer: it has no buttons or lapels but is a V neck. So cool $69
• Buy the grey skinny jeans, they are very low rise so be afraid if you have any fat on you $39 and also while we chat about jeans check out the very baggy boyfriend jean in very faded light blue denim with rips $59.
• Check out the fabulous one shoulder dress in a very Lanvin blue and white animal print: so fashion, so right. It has a ruffle down the front and has an elastic waist and is quite the coolest thing if you have the legs (this is pretty short) $49. Wear with black opaques and a blazer. Who cares if you freeze. You will look fabulous.
• The black sequin tank it has the sequins just on the front but, hey, who cares, when it’s winter you won’t take your jacket off. $34
• Check out the cute single breasted one button boyfriend blazer $49. FYI: A boyfriend blazer is a baggy loose version of the blazer. It’s longer and not so tailored and looks great with a dress. Don’t let your boyfriend wear it.

Target
Best place for a recession busting girl. My picks are:

• The black wool melton peacoat with epaulettes and black buttons $79. Also in a lovely grey. A must buy with nice belt detailing in the back that will give it a bit of shape as reported in cheap but chic. There is also a red velvet double breasted peacoat $38 if you feel like wearing red. Bless.
• Buy the chiffon blouse with poets ruffled sleeves and cuff detail and ruffle front: in black or burgundy $39. What a bargain. The blouse is perfect for going to dinner with jeans. You could wear it to work but you need to wear it with trousers or you could be Mrs Doubtfire. Keep the neckline clean with a ruffle blouse: ditch the jewels and necklaces and earrings. Oh what a terrible thought.
• You must have the long sleeve round neck Tee’s in black, grey and white: No scoop necks please. Do you see any one on the Satorialist wearing scoop necks. No. Do you seen any looks on the runway from Prada and Lanvin with a scoop neck. No. You want a classic round neck Tee and this is the perfect little number. You need to wear under all your sharp shouldered jackets $19.
  Check out the fabulous black or tan leather biker jacket with silver zip detail: it’s a great cut. I went into the target fitting rooms and tried it on and it was a good look. $199
• There are black jeans here too: all sorts of styles; the boot cut with a high waist are comfortable but am not so sure on the fit. $39. Go for skinny black ones. (with 20% off that I think)
• In accessories there are some long black boots with a round toe and a chunky heel $99 (and a lot of horrible short boots which you should walk past and ignore before you die from the smell of plastic). As regular FiFi Readers know I suggest a little spray of Chanel 19 under the nose before entering the shoe department and you should be fine.
• Buy, buy, buy the black velvet blazer now $38 (also in a chic green.) This is a fabulous buy. Ditch lunch for 2 days and you can buy this and loose weight. Once you get it out of the store and wear with your grey jeans and heels who would know that your lip gloss cost more.
• Love the black or caramel patent shoe boot with a small heel (well, I think it’s a small heel) it has a split up the front: very cool for an outrageous $39. As regular FiFi readers know I like to say these shoes are cheaper than Italian Vogue.

Business Class:

Country Road
There seems to be a sale on for Country Road card Holders: get in here for the best buys. You want:

• The fabulous double breasted black or navy blazer: it has 4 low double breasted buttons and very much like a short dinner jacket. The shoulders pads are obvious but not Balmain style: this may be a good or bad thing. It’s a fabulous jacket and you need to wear it over a pretty dress with black tights and stomping heels. Or with your black skinny jeans and over a grey Tee. $299. A wardrobe essential.
• Love the simple classic, black and white tweed (or in grey) classic slouchy pants; they have side pockets and a great cut and a pleat seam at the front. They will look good with flats as well as heels. Throw these on with a peacoat and you will look tres Francaise. $179
• You want a pretty floral Boho print dress this season so buy the cream/red print dress with a loose shape and a ruffle hem. Belt it in, as Country Road have done, with a brown leather belt. You could even wear your fur vest with this. Love it with boots or black opaques and heels. Love this under a stone trench. $249
• There are a lot of cute jumpers in all the great colours: Go for the one called “turn back sleeve pullover: it has 2 front pockets, round neck and ¾ sleeves: you will wear this all the time. Perfect for trans-seasonal weather. $99
• The black navy double breasted long trench military coat is a winner if you can find one. Not too heavy for winter and quite the chicest thing. It has cute puff shoulders and shoulder detail and is very tailored. $399
• Buy the brown fake fur vest if you can get your hands on one $199. You know how to wear this.
• The black silky tiered loose V neck smock dress with ¾ sleeves is just one easy dress. It will sleep with anyone. Comfortable and casual it will look great for day with flat long boots. Throw on a few necklaces a la Burberry and heels and you can head out for a drink. Or two. Hic. $199
• There is a cute royal blue, (very Marni style) silky sleeveless tank with scalloped detailing on the front $149. This is a great piece for wearing under your jackets and a great way to add colour. Don’t be afraid to mix your fabrics. Have fun or you will fall asleep.
• This same top also comes in a dress; it’s sleeveless and is fitted to the waist with the same scalloping detail on the front. Love a sleeveless dress for the winter with black opaques. (Tip: Just wear everything with black opaques and you will work the hot look for winter. Scientific tests have proved it.)
• In accessories you want the huge chunky knit scarves; they are so fabulous in grey or cream. In fact I am wearing one now (I bought last year) while I type. You have to look fabulous even when you are just writing about fashion $129. This is another instant updater.
• Love the black or brown vintage leather saddle bags; they are very 70’s with one strap and a flap, (this is the new shape in bags) $279 and the clutch bags in burgundy and chartreuse about $149.

Coach (In the QVB)
I have been wanting to go back and check this store out for months. There are some chic pieces but a little too much logo everywhere (obviously for the Japanese tourists).

Best buys are:

• The black patent wedge sandals with a twisted knot front; very Prada (last season). They have 3 straps across the toe and the wedge is not so high which may please many people who are now on crutches after wearing monster heels (also in hot pink and green). $380
• Love the silver T bar wedges: very Marni (Also seen in Country Road last year). They are almost flat across so it’s as if you are just wearing flats. (Good news for the crutch carrying people.) What looks new about these is the black silver and white graphic print pattern on the actual wedge heel. Very Fendi style. You know they will be comfortable. Do I have to mention that you can wear with opaques? Or am I just repeating myself….. $450
• Love the black (also in bright colours) ballet flats with a fabulous silver screw lock on the square toe: almost Hermes! $480. So chic. You want. You will wear. And you will never stagger around in pain ever again. (At least for a weekend.)
• Check out the cute short multi print gumboots $220.
• In bags you want the beautiful soft grey leather slouch Boho bag with one strap and silver ring hardware: a casual wear anywhere bag. Also the BoHo slouch is back and looks great after too many structured lady like numbers. A great price for great quality. $685
• Love the very soft cream/silver metallic slouch bag: one strap with silver details $1000. Go on be adventurous and lighten up your wardrobe with a bag that is a more exciting than boring black.
• Love the brown one strap slouch bag, almost a saddle bag $1100. Yes, please.
• You want the divine new summer sandals if you are going away to Cannes: in patent in red or black with rosettes up along the T bar: they are quite fabulous $450.
• Love the trench coats here. Of course I am an addict. If there is a trench I will find it. The Coach Trench is outrageously similar to the stone Burberry trench with gold buttons. Double breasted and belted it’s about $800. Also there is a short cream car coat single breasted with patent leather trim for about $1100.

CK Calvin Klein
Love, love, love this store: So many understated simple clothes at great prices. The good news? There is 20% off all jackets. My picks are:

• Love the black sleeveless high neck dress in a jersey: it has interesting ruching down the front and sits on the knee $299. Everyone should have at least 5 black dresses so start shopping.
• If you are sick of seeing too many skinny pants and you can’t bear to listen to your hips screaming in pain anymore then you must have the high waist, black wide leg pants with a cuff $389. Love wide peg pants. Just make sure you wear it with a short fitted jacket so that you don’t look like you are fatty Arbuckle and a big square lump. Give yourself a waist. It doesn’t matter what you wear you need shape (and let me tell you I am an expert in that department).
• You must buy, I insist, the most perfect long sleeve fine knit Tee $89: divine. Beautiful quality and very fine, the cut is snug and will sit so well under all those jackets you love and adore.  (Please note: I have not mentioned black opaques.)
• Adore the simple Multi Pleat sleeveless dress. It has a high round neck, almost a cutaway neckline and the shape is very A-line. This means that the pleats flare out and skim over the all those almond crossiants you had for breakfast. This is a fab dress that will take you from winter to summer. Wear with your monster heels and you guessed it: black opaques $539.
• There are gorgeous asymmetrical (and very architectural) shape tops in navy black and grey: sleeveless, satin and kits about $259. Divine. Perfect with flirty skirts, skinny pants or with jeans. The unusual detailing means you get great interest without going crazy with colour or shape (god forbid!).
• For instance I love the grey long knit polo neck sweater that has a unusual detail where it looks like a cardigan is attached (but very subtly). $329
• Everyone needs crop peg leg pants this season so you may as well have great quality. These are not too harem style and they don’t have a nappy low crutch. Oh I know you are so disappointed. These will be flattering on and rock with your Tee and Blazer $329
• There is divine collarless short minimalist jacket in wool melton: it has hidden buttons and is the epitome of understated chic. $699
• You want the grey wool (with slight sheen to it) strapless dress that is fitted in a gorgeous fabric $589. Wear a sweater under this (very Prada 2008) or wear it over a white Tee. But of course I Iove and adore a strapless dress under a sharp shoulder blazer.
• There are gorgeous shoes, fabulous grey bags, chic silver jewellery, clutch bags, puffa jacket, scarves. You want it all.

First Class:

Bally
Always fabulous here with drool worthy shoes, bags and belts and….
Best buys are:

• The divine black (also in cream or grey) slouch bag with leather pleating or ruching: the leather is so soft you could pat it all day. This bag is a great buy: it’s a casual slouch (almost croissant shape) with one strap and simple detailing in silver about $1100. Also in a shiny grey.
• Buy the animal print patent clutch with pretty butterflies in the print in cream and brown, so cute and so right for evenings. It will look fabulous with any bright colours or simple black and brown. $1185
• Love the simple black leather clutch with a gold clasp. Gorgeous $900
• Boots are big news this season so invest in the chicest black suede long boots: they have a square chunky heel which means easy walking and a chic round toe. So elegant and sophisticated. (Who knows they might even keep you warm.) $900
• Love the new chic de la chic brown leather bag with overstitching: it has interesting panel detailing in a semi circle on the front. And two handles with the signature Bally resin chain strap $1700. Love brown and black together.
• Buy the black patent round toe flat boots, so cool. Watch as they add fun and excitement to your wardrobe basics. (Your wardrobe will smile with relief and thank you: it was getting boring there for a while). Plus the good news is you can shop for hours on end in these. And never fall off your feet. $1250.
• Invest in the cute black ballet flats with signature Bally black and white stripe ribbon across the toe. Your feet and toes will jump for joy and beg to wear them every day. $495

Roasted Salmon with Fennel & Potato… adulterated from Madison

Perfect for a simple mid week dinner or for a dinner party. This is delicious with lots of preserved lemon. I like to serve this on a platter with rocket and the salmon pieces flaked and scattered over the roast vegetables.

You need for 4 hungry fashionistas, 12 metrosexuals, 30 models:
2 bulbs fennel, cut into wedges
1 kg baby peeled potatoes
6 to 8 cloves garlic
3 handfuls of lemon thyme
3 tbsp olive oil
50g butter, chopped
¼ of a preserved lemon
1 whole lemon
sea salt and pepper
1 tbsp olive oil
Bunch of rocket
4 x salmon fillets

• Climb out of Burberry platforms.
• Slip into Louis Vuitton velvet jumpsuit.
• Ask a sweet and kind someone to light the fire.
• Preheat the oven to 200C.
• Pour a wine or two.
• Cut off the root of the fennel and cut into chunky pieces but separate the leaves so they can cook easily.
• Ask George Clooney to chop the potatoes into chunky pieces. ( You can Insert your root vegetable joke here !)
• Chop up the garlic into medium size bits.
• TIP: double up on the quantities if you have a lot of people because these vegetables shrink after cooking (wish I did).
• Throw the potatoes and fennel and garlic into a baking dish.
• Now sprinkle over a couple of handfuls of lemon thyme. You can throw in the sticks of thyme too.
• Chop up the preserved lemon and toss that in.
• Chop up a whole lemon into quarters and toss that in (you can remove later).
• Drizzle over the olive oil and the butter in small chunks.
• Season with lots of salt and pepper.
• Now get your beautifully manicured fingers and put your hands in to toss the vegetables with the the olive oil and herbs.
• Pop in the oven.
• They may take about about an hour or two depending on your oven.
• Pour another wine and have a quick read of the latest UK Vogue.
• Hint: After about ½ an hour you may notice there is a bit of juice loitering in the bottom of the baking dish… Pour that out into a jug so the vegetables can roast and use it for drizzling before serving.
• When the vegetables are cooked and looking nearly crispy, toss the salmon in the oven to roast it.
• You don’t need to moisterise it just pop in a baking tray and cook for about 8 minutes.
• Let the salmon cool a little then break it up.
• Serve with the vegetables scattered on a platter and toss on the rocket.
• Flake the salmon over the top of the rocket and vegetables.
• Pour over the excess jus.
• Accessorise with some more lemon thyme or even coriander.
• Too, too, too divine!