• “ When I think I’m losing my temper, I look at them and it subsides,” Naomi Campbell on the rubber gloves she wore to clean toilets during community service..
• “It’s so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab I don’t know that I’m necessarily an addict.” Lindsay Lohan is addicted to rehab ( give her some rubber gloves
• “I always swore that I wouldn’t snowboard but I did. People my age, they call it ‘Grey on a tray.’” Kevin Bacon
• “Anything a wife should do, I’m terrible at. Anything a mistress should do, I’ll try.” Singer Tori Amos
• “She’s still fat, she’s still gay.”Rosie O’Donnell, on how the tabloids cover her.
• “I assume if a diet company is calling me, I’m fat.” Valerie Bertinelli, on the reason she became a Jenny Craig spokesperson
• “I got attention from cooler guys. Blondes attract everybody, but redheads attract guys who are more interesting. They’re usually sweet and nerdy.” Kirsten Dunst loves nerdy sweet guys. no wonder she dumped Jake Gyllenhaal
• “I’ve put on about 15 pounds since I stopped smoking two and a half years ago. When you stop smoking you gain weight, because food tastes better than when it tasted like an ashtray.” Supermodel Gisele Bundchen is not fat or gay or a red head
• “My heart skips a beat when I see Uma Thurman’s name in my phone book. I don’t even bother calling her. I’m just happy she’s in there.” Luke Wilson
• “Let’s see if she can really sing,” Prince tells the audience as he hands a mic to Paris Hilton. ( rubber gloves on?)
• “When so many people have died, it is hard to be so fixated on how crazy Britney Spears is acting” In Touch Magazine editor in chief on the Virginia Tech shootings. Nuf said.

I have one word to say to you this season: Juxtaposition. This season it’s all about the unexpected mix. Throwing unexpected things together. Think Food and Nicole Ritchie. Pete Doherty and a shower. Courtney Love and sanity. Try tossing on a parka with wedges, a sequin top with jeans; chinos with beaded heels, layer t-shirts under a couture dress, go for a pretty dress with a tough leather jacket. Or try a groovy zip hoodie top with a black pencil skirt and heels. Sporty is THE trend for the season. So get on your marks and race into Sussan. There you will find a chic, dark grey, velvet zip hoodie. Perfect with a glamorous heels, a serious skirt and a fabulous bag. Hint: Don’t mix the word chic with tracksuit pants. That’s more Alec Baldwin and world Peace.

$49 Sussan Grey Velour Hoodie.

She’s hot, she’s groovy. She’s young and beautiful. Who cares if she takes drugs? Who cares if she is going to marry a loser? She’s a model not a role model. She is Kate Moss. She oozes style. Now you can channel her, look like her and dress like her. Top Shop launches The Kate Moss TopShop collection on May 1st. Head to the website, check out the look book, down load the podcast and read the style notes. Then book a session with your therapist. You must confront the issue. Just because you are wearing her clothes doesn’t mean you look like her. Sorry.
http://www.katemosstopshop.com/

Beauty Enemy number one is:

7. Your Amex bill = wrinkles
6. Your oversized Chanel patent bag = shoulder pain = wrinkles
5. Not having oversized Chanel bag = pain = wrinkles
4. Oversized Balenciaga heels = pain = wrinkles
3. Not having Oversized Balenciaga heels = envy = pain = wrinkles
2. Good eyesight = seeing vision in mirror = wrinkles = pain
1. Bad eyesight = Hair in the wrong places = shocking

There is hope for those people who can never see those ugly hairs on your eyebrows.
(John Howard Listen up!) The TweezLight Professional Tweezers’ has an inbuilt light. A fabulous little LED light for the ultimate pluck. It even comes with it’s own batteries with 50,000 On/Off clicks per battery. That’s should keep ou going for at least a week. Then use it to find the keys in the bottom of your bag.

$30 TweezLight Professional Tweezers from Salon First 1300 725 661

• In New York The Tribeca Film Festival started with aVanity Fair Festival Dinner.
• Also in New York check out the latest show to hang at Chelsea’s Danziger Projects titled “Wallflowers,” http://www.danzigerprojects.com/. James Danziger collected floral paintings, photographs and sculptures by artists including Ryan McGinness, Annie Leibovitz and Cecil Beaton. There’s Adam Fuss’ X-ray of a Chloé dress from the spring 2006 collection and a Sandra Bermudez collage of butterflies with wings and antennae that, if one looks closely, are actually a collective of Gucci sunglass parts. WWD
• In London the V&A Museum has announced details of a special exhibition to mark the centenary of Vogue cover girl-turned-photographer Lee Miller’s s birth.
• Chanel will be a principal sponsor of the French Pavilion at this summer’s Venice Biennale designed by Zaha Hadid. The spaceship-like structure — dubbed Chanel Contemporary Art Container and currently under construction on the Isle of Wright — is expected to alight in Hong Kong for its inaugural exhibition before traveling to other world capitals. Lagerfeld has christened the initiative “Mobile Art.” The Biennale runs from June 10 to Nov. 21. WWD
• Karl Lagerfeld has been snapping up a storm, preparing for a major exhibition of photography in tandem with the Cannes film festival next month. The likes of David Lynch and Isabelle Huppert posed for portraits by Lagerfeld, along with 58 other film folk, the majority of them French. WWD
• Indie-rock act The Shoppings is out to prove retail therapy isn’t a ladies-only domain.The French duo’s first fashion-fueled album, entirely home-recorded, was released in Europe last month. “We came up with our first track just mucking around by the pool at my house in Montpellier,” says guitarist David Lavaysse of the track “Comme Terry,” which glorifies the style of fashion photographer Terry Richardson, from his T.Rex T-shirts to his way with the ladies. Designer Jean-Charles de Castelbajac logged onto The Shopping’s MySpace site and was recruited to star in the band’s first video, “Tu Fais Quoi dans la Vie?” (What Do You Do for a Living?”). In it, de Castelbajac plays the referee of a fashionable fight club, where models battle it out with Chanel bags, trussed up in Galliano Homme and towering Prada heels. “It’s all nails and hair and too much fashion,” jokes Lavaysse. They also recently recorded a track for the boutique Colette’s 10th anniversary, accompanied by a video starring Jeremy Scott. Cool. reports WWD
• Plum Sykes (ex vogue fashion editor) will adapt her book Bergdorf Blondes into a film script.
• In US Harper’s Bazaar’s May feature canvassing three “chic women” on how and what they pack for a summer vacation, it’s not immediately apparent that two out of the three shared a different type of, well, baggage: They were both married to Elle international creative director Gilles Bensimon. Kelly Killoren Bensimon, who split from Bensimon last year, and Elle Macpherson, who was married to him in the late Eighties, may have shared a taste in romantic partners, but they diverge on their packing tips. Macpherson tells Bazaar the “worst travel disaster” (their words) is beauty product leaks. “To avoid any spillage, I pack toiletries in Ziploc bags,” she says. Whereas for Killoren Bensimon, the magazine says: “Ziploc bags stay in the kitchen” — she favors Prada and LeSportsac pouches. Irreconcilable differences? WWD

http://prada.com/pdf/ss07.pdf
It’s fantastic…the Mothership has a new site. The shots are so beautiful. Check out the small icon to the right that reads pdf. Clicking on it and see 100 images of the current spring collection: divine. (Right click after the page loads and click next image for all those who don’t know what to do) “ Everything from runway and backstage shots to the ad campaigns and close-ups of the accessories has been tweaked by AMO, Rem Koolhaas’ think tank, via computer retouches. Cases in point are a model walking against the Giza pyramids as a backdrop, a male model with Pop Art-color limbs and an ad campaign photo transformed into a road sign in the desert.’ Reports WWD

http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/041607
Finally models are back on the cover of Vogue instead of celebrities …see the video here

• ‘Britney Spears was spotted in Santa Monica without her bra on, and looking like she put her lipstick on with her feet. I know she’s had two kids, but that’s why they invented the bra. So nobody would have to see her deflated boobs through that shower curtain she calls a dress.’ Reports thesuperficial
• Another day, another celeb goes into rehab … this time it’s Jonathon Rhys Meyers.
• Hugh Grant is arrested in an alleged Baked Bean attack on the paparazzi. (After eating them? Poisen gas attack?
•Jodie Kidd has split from her husband of 18 months, Aidan Butler.)
• Elee has reportedly split with Coronation Street star Ray Fearon. Who?
• Milla Jovovich and her director Paul Anderson are pregnant.
• Julia Roberts is about 8 months pregnant with 3rd child
• Claire Danes was seen lunching outdoors with actor boyfriend Hugh Dancy .This is breaking news. She broke up with Billy Crudup.
• Mel B. still contends that Eddie Murphy is the father of the child, Eddie still contends that he is not
• Kim Basinger says she did not leak the infamous Alec Baldwin voicemail. She sold it?
• A woman tried to kill Sandra Bullock’s husband, Jesse James. ( with baked beans?)
• A crazy lunatic threatened to kill Hillary Duff (due to her bad singing?)
• Kate Hudson Celebrated Her Birthday – with Owen Wilson. ( baked beans on toast?)
• Pete Doherty filmed the paparazzo with the camera on his MacBook laptop computer. Please explain. ( I suppose it’s better than throwing it at them. No wait, that would be far more entertaining reports Pink).
• See Elvis performing live with Celine Dion! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpH7BlYsdGI ( but which one is dead?)
• ‘It’s been about 45 minutes since we’ve had a celebrity drunk driving arrest … so it’s about time we had another. Eve got busted …hic! reports pinkis
• Jude Law has a new girlfriend; Kim Hersov, an American-born mother of two who works in London as the editor-at-large for Britain’s Harper’s Bazaar.
• “ Pamela Anderson was spotted on a Malibu beach wearing her old Baywatch bathing suit for a DirecTV commercial. There’s a “flotation device” joke to be made here, but I’m not entirely sure those things would float. One of her nipples is pointing at her face and the other is missing.” Reports the superficial

Divisadero (Hardcover) by Michael Ondaatje
‘The new novel by the author of The English Patient is easy to read, not because its theme and plot are simple but because the reader simply wants to read it. Told from alternating points of view it begins in California in the 1970s, with a quiet man who lost his wife in childbirth raising his daughters and tending his farm with the help of a young man, Coop. Anna, his daughter, and Coop fall into a relationship and are discovered, much to his horror, by Anna’s father. A bolt of violence springs up like a ferocious storm, and Anna and Coop flee forever–never to see each other again.  A powerful and beautiful novel’
$15 http://www.amazon.com/Publisher: Knopf (May 29, 2007)

The Christmas List
The Simple Home: The Luxury of Enough by Sarah Nettleton (Author)..
‘If you want to live a greener life, live a simpler life - by spending and consuming less, especially when it comes to your home. “The Simple Home: The Luxury of Enough,” by architect Sarah Nettleton, showcases houses that embrace this ideology - including an 1,800-square-foot Brooklyn row house where minimalism triumphs over extraneous details, a Seattle farmhouse where materials and services were purchased locally, and a solar house in Taos. Nettleton offers strategies for building green, including using recycled, reclaimed and eco-friendly materials, and shows how good design can result in smart, earth-friendly living’. –New York Post
$26 http://www.amazon.com/Publisher: Taunton (February 27, 2007

Economy Class
Target: Is that Stella McCartney I see on sale? Please buy the parka/trench with huge sleeves in a fab silver colour now $129. There are also a few pairs of jeans and lots of dresses. Also check out the outrageously cheap burgundy patent Miu Moiu style peep toe heels for $29. Then invest in the grey wool frill scarf $19, a peacoat for about $89 and lots of simple tops.
Sportsgirl:
The accessories here are great:check out the Aviator Sunglasses with big wire frames, very cool $34.95, the grey tote in pleather $59.95, and silver grey clutch $29.95. Love the stripe scarves $24.95, the gold Sling backs $99.95, and the gold Clutch $19.95. Buy the grey wool melton Trapeze Jacket, a bargain $129.95.
Just jeans:
Check out the cute little parka /puffa jacket with fur trim about $99 and of course the Seven jeans
Supre:
If you are clever you will snoop in here and find a lot of great cheap but chic buys: a silver Lurex V neck Sweater $35, a black cotton strapless Bustier $35, and a groovy thin black Glitter Belt $15. There is a black Satin Pussy Bow Top sleeveless and chic for just $35 , and a black short Sweater Dress $40. The tweed manstyle pants are chic. Yes chic and look expensive $70.
Esprit :
There are some silver Glitter Flats are very marc Jacobs $89.95, a simple black Pencil Skirt $99.95, a handy nylon Trench coat $169, and an outrageous Silver Bomber Jacket by EDC. $129. Buy the classic Black Peacoat Jacket $229, and the belted short nylon Khaki Jacket $89.95. Diva;
Best buys here are the long strands of beads; the $19.95, the Georg Jensen style cuff $9.95, and the Lanvin style pearl Bracelet from $9.95.Portmans,
Best buy here are the black aviators $24.95, the grey knit empire Cami $59.95 and the groovy black jet necklaces $34.95 each. Buy the gold Bangles $14.95, the cute silver Sequin Clutch $29.95, and the fab Brown Tweed princess coat 199.95.
Nine West:
There are always cheap but chic buys here: Check out the black Patent Sling-Backs $139, the silver Crocodile Evening Bag $149, and the black Patent Boots $329. Of course as reported check out the black Patent and Suede Wedges $89, the snazzy bronze Glitter Heels $79, and the very cute tan Sequin Ballet Flats $139. The black jeweled heels are the go $99Sussan:
A few pieces here apart from the zip top. Love the stripe scarf in divine autumn colours $49.95 and the cute orange pleather slouch Bag $49.95

Business Class;
Country Road;
Check out the divine big loose sweater dress $159; the fab red leather tote as reported a la Cloe with brass buckles $249 and all the poloneck sweaters are a great buy for $109. The loose poets blouses are just perfect to wear now $139, and so are the grey flannel City Shorts $149. There is a cute black Tweed Cap $39.95, the must buy cream belt $69, and the perfect fitting chinos $129. Love the grey Chloe esque bag $279, the brown tall Tote Bag $199, and the must have black Peacoat $299. The new blue and white square print loose cami is great about $79, and so are the black fabric Necklaces$49.95. The black Cap $39.95 is cool and black Cord Shorts are perfect for city dressing $89.95. Love the black crop Prada ish Parka as reported $199, and the stone Clutch is the only thing to carry when you are over your oversized bag $69.95
Bettina Liano:
There is a fab lurex dress $289; a groovy black belted parka sans hood about $500, and a divine peacoat. Lots more. Will report next week.
Saba:
Love the grey stripe long sleeve T $89; the brown velvet narrow pants $179; the grey trapeze crop jacket $379 and the divine knits. Buy the thin patent belts for about $69; the jeans and the black pants. They fit everyone.
Cue:
You want the skinny Black Pant $215, and the matching black Jacket $295, plus the fab black Patent Bag $249. Throw on the black Patent Belt $119, and the simple white zip Shirt $89.95. Love the very over the top Gold bag $235, the Gold Belt $69, and you must have the blue and black print trapeze Dress $279.
Veronika Maine;
How clever: I see another funky black Patent Bag $275; groovy black Patent Belts $65, and a chic bubble silver Skirt $229. Invest in the simple handy little black Sleeveless shell top $89.95, and the groovy brown Print Tulip Dress $295 then buy the fabulous wooden marni style necklaces and you are ready to for winter$169

First Class
There is no first Class shopping this week. I know. I am crying too. We all need that injection of luxury to help us get through the week. But your credit card will thank me. Now log on to net-a-porter….

Chicken Braised Olives and Capers…
Need a dinner that can be cooked while you laze back drinking wine and watching Fashion TV? This is for you. Throw it all in baking dish and voila!
NB:You need a lot of garlic in this to give it a bit of va va voom. Also add dried chilli for some heat…

For 6 photographers, 12 models, and 2 footy players

6 chicken pieces ( or Spatchcocks if you are feeling snazzy)
250ml white wine
250ml Chicken Stock
200g Kalamata Olives
2 tablespoons capers
8 Garlic Cloves
A handful of fresh thyme or a teasp or so of dried Oregano
2 tablespoons of smoked Sweet Paprika
1 tablespoon Soy Sauce
1 tablespoon Mirin
250ml Olive Oil
PepperSalt
Parsley to accessorise
You may want to serve this with mash potatoes ( especially if feeding football players)

• Preheat oven to 220.
• Grab baking tray
• Pour wine or two; Remind self to give up drinking…tomorrow
• Chop up the garlic into big bits but leave some whole and unpeeled.
• Throw in olives, capers, Thyme, garlic in the baking tray
• Pour in the wine, the stock, the soy, and Mirin.
• Add smoked sweet paprika then give the dish a shake to mix it up
• Toss in the chicken ( no splashing please on the new Balenciaga)
• Push all the ingredients down and mix together. keep the top of chicken as moist as a Juicy Tube. It should be about 3/4 covered.
• Pour the olive oil over the chicken to mositerise. Think suntan. Think crispy. Think Paris Hilton fake tan as end result.
• Throw in a very hot oven about 220º for about 45 minutes but keep an eye on it and don’t over cook it. Wrinkles on anything are not good.
• Lie back on couch and read latest US Vogue.
• See models looking fabulous
• Vow to give up eating tomorrow
• To serve arrange a pretty. chic little chicken piece on a chic white plate.
• Spoon over lots of the divine juice and all those gorgeous olives and capers.
• Accessorise with the chopped parsley: it needs the dash of green.
• Serve with mashed potatoes and a fresh low calorie green salad.
• Pour another wine ; it will be your last… until tomorrow

Copying Beethoven…..directed by Agnieszka Holland
Based on: Nothing
Genre: Historical drama
Who: Ed Harris, Diane Kruger, Matthew Goode.
The Plot: 1824. Vienna. Brilliant, loony, bachelor Ludwig van Beethoven is going deaf. Which is lucky: he won’t be able to hear his own terrible American accent. Pretty model slash actress arrives to help him. Channels 21st century feminist. She wants to be a composer. Helps stinky old composer by writing out his music. He yells at her. She is feisty. He writes music. Goes a bit mad. So do you. Her boyfriend gets jealous. Beethoven conducts the Ninth Symphony with help of model slash actress. She wanders off into the sunrise in a field of flowers. The end
Acting: What’s with the American accents? Oh please. Diane Kruger has a classic transatlantic model drawl but her acting is not bad for a model slash actress. Ed Harris is not acting. He is just wearing a wig and vintage clothes and yells a lot in American. “Thank goodness for the music, for it is the only thing that can be heard above Harris’ embarrassing bellowing” says Sun Publications. “ Harris officially bites off more scenery than he can chew” says E! Online
Photography: rather beautiful
Design: There is not a piece of colour to be seen: rather like the Demeulemeester Winter show 06. It’s sepia and brown. Exquisite sets. Block your ears (ironic in a film about music) and just sit back to watch it.
Wardrobe: it’s very Dries Van Noten. ( without the colour)
Salon de Beaute: “Someday someone will make a great movie about an immortal composer, but for now the best movie about any Beethoven I’ve ever seen stars a Saint Bernard.” That’s a hairy dog….Ebert & Roeper. Diane Kruger seems to be wearing alot of Juicy tubes
Botox: Diane Kruger; Yes; Ed Harris; no. But he has had an eye job/ facelift. You need ten Botox shots to dull the pain of this movie
Waterproof Mascara: you will be crying over paying $15 for this.
Blood ’n’ Guts: So excruciating at times it hurts.
Mind drifted to shopping: When Ed harris was on screen ( 90% of the time)
Smokin’ smooches: I wish.
Car chases:. Please
Rename It: Die Hard ( Becoming Crazy)
Best Reviews; “ The movie is completely beguiling, and it delivers joy, the beautiful spark of the gods” .Washington Post
Best Worst Reviews: “ Knows as much about the creative process as Beethoven does about snowboarding.” Metromix.com
“…Tin-eared script and tone-deaf direction “New York Post“ Ed Harris plays Beethoven, but, with this material, maybe the producers should have turned to Ben Stiller.” WaffleMovies.com
“Da-da-da-dumb” .L.A. Weekly
“ Does Agnieszka Holland hate Beethoven? That’s the only explanation I can offer for this horrible, horrible attempt at making the maestro’s final year of life into a biopic.” filmcritic.com
See it or donate to the Prada Bag fund? Log onto Prada.com immediately. Music to your eyes and eyes…