The FiFi Report 235
21 November 2008
Issue 235


The Reviews are in for !

  • "Nothing succeeds like excess. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Baz Luhrmann has it embroidered on scatter cushions all over the house. It’s also much too long at almost three hours, deliriously camp and shamelessly overdone" …Sandra Hall in SMH 
  • "it turns out to be a multi-layered story and describes an Australia of the 1940s that is at once compellingly, beautiful and breathtakingly cruel"…Times Online UK
  • "boy, is it overlong…At a mammoth 165 minutes it feels too much like a work-in-progress. There is a lot of narrative flab and longueurs in the first two hours and the film often has the pace of a steamroller with engine trouble.”…The Age.
  • "A flawed, formulaic family crowd pleaser that barely succeeds as campy anachronistic period fluff. Will go down as a self-indulgent disappointment in many corners"…Garth Franklin,Dark Horizons.
  • "A very loud, crazily colourful and delightfully strings-free romp — fun while it lasted and fondly recalled, but not, alas, the big love we yearned for."…Time Out Sydney. 
  • "Embracing grand old-school melodrama while critiquing racist old-fashioned politics, Baz Luhrmann’s grandiose Australia provides a luxurious bumpy ride."…Todd McCarthy,Variety.
  • “The film begins with surprising slapstick and trademark Luhrmann over-the-top humour - a scene featuring Jackman giving himself a bath with a bucket is pure beefcake and proud of it - but settles into a compelling and moving tale."…Herald Sun.
  • "Swept me off my feet"…Oprah Winfrey
Sale Sale Sale

SALESALESALESALESASLESALESALESALESALE
Paul and Joe Sale
…up 75% off RRP
Thursday 27th - Sunday 30th November
Suite 2, Level 2, 50 Holt St Surry Hills 2010

Quincy Summer Sale
…All summer shoes on sale upstairs at 50% off.
76 Queen Street Woollahra.

Nicola Finetti Final Warehouse Sale
Friday 21st - Sunday 23rd November, 2008
Level 2, Suite 15/617Elizabeth Street Redfern, NSW, 2016

Sass & Bide Exhibition Warehouse Sale
Thursday 20th - Sunday 23rd November, 2008
Byron Kennedy Hall Fox Studios Australia Lang Road, Moore Park.

Camilla and Marc…50% to 75% Relocation Sale:
Friday 28th - Saturday 29th November, 2008
291 Young Street Waterloo, NSW 2017

David Lawrence Warehouse Sale
Ends Sunday November 23rd.
219-231 Botany Road Waterloo, Sydney

Earrings

Hands up: who hasn’t been wearing earrings for years? Oh. I see. OK. Hands up which  stylish fashionistas such as my good self haven’t been wearing earrings for years? Earrings were all over the runway for the resort and spring summer 09 shows. No, this doesn’t mean sprained ankles and models falling over. It means the earrings were on the models in many of the important shows from Marni to Louis Vuitton to Prada. This is new. This is on trend (so eighties: just add shoulder pads). This is perfect timing for the party season.
Look for earrings that are jeweled, big, bold and over the top long. Ignore small, mingy, non de la non earrings. Think Big. Think major Statement. Think my clothes are looking very recessionista how can I update my wardrobe. Think you want them.
Head to Divam Equip, Sportsgirl and Witchery, or try Mimco, Orson and Blake, Belinda and of course , , .

Korres Vanilla Cinnamon Body Milk

Why is it when you stare at double cream Pavlova you forget about your bikini? Or when you drool over the pancakes with vanilla and cinnamon you forget about your muffins? Top and bottom. Now you can have the vanilla and cinnamon without the calories. The Korres Vanilla Cinnamon body milk is rich in starch but smear it on your body rather than eating it. I love it. They say, “This moisturising body milk has a matte finish on the skin and a fragrance that’s a creamy touch” I say I have been applying it every morning. It works a dream under my fake tan. It smells divine, sinks into the skin and it’s moisturising without being too greasy. Which means there are no fears of getting it all over your Balenciaga. Just don’t put it on your toast.

$26 Korres Vanilla Cinnamon Body Milk available at .

* FiFi has the joy and pain of personally road testing every single beauty product in The FiFi Report. It’s a hard job but someone’s got to do it.

Issue 235

  • Naomi Campbell is on the cover of the December issue of Russian Vogue.
  • Read why the editor of Russian Vogue is getting so much attention…
  • We love Agyness! Red stomp-a-licious heels, shoulder pads, skinny pants..
  • Katie Holmes is rumoured to be the face Miu Miu’s Spring 2009 campaign. The models will still be there but as accessories." Reports theimagist. Check out all the previous and very cool Miu Miu campaigns
  • French fashion photographer Patrick Demarchelier reflects the style of an era and his exhibition in Paris…
  • ‘The Flashbag has arrived. The first prototype, a collaboration between architect/sculptor/artist Ron Arad and Notify jeans, touched down at the Arad retrospective at the Centre Pompidou in Paris. The ergonomic, elliptical shoulder bag has an indestructible polycarbon porthole and a long-life battery that lets it light up at the wearer’s discretion, making it possible to see the bag’s contents. . Reports WWD 
  • She is so pretty! Watch Sophia Coppola’s commercial for Dior’s Miss Cherie Fragrance…
  • Check out Venus and Serena playing tennis in high heels!…
  • Take a sneak peek at Brad Pitt’s recent appearance on Oprah…
  • Go behind the scenes and watch the Gucci shoot with Rihanna …
  • Check out Aussie model Nicole Trufino in a skateboarding race…
  • Check out the Tuscan villa of Gucci designer Frida Giannini…
  • Vogue Paris’s December/January issue, as we reported, will be guest edited by Princess Stephanie of Monaco with a 2009 French Vogue calendar distributed with the magazine. Photographer Terry Richardson shot the calender in collaboration with Louis Vuitton.
  • ‘What Does Gareth Pugh Smell Like? Interesting question that only would try to figure out. The purveyor of all things cool has championed a new collaboration between 6 designers, perfumers and a charity. Alexandre Herchovitch, Bernhard Willhelm, Cosmic Wonder, Gareth Pugh, Jeremy Scott & Preen for "Designers Against Aids (DAA)". Reports .
  • You want the clothes from Baz Luhrmann’s Australia. Now order the accessories. Check out the custom made luggage comprising trunks, suitcases, hat boxes and a picnic set all by Prada…reports WWD.
  • Check out the preview of Alexander McQueen’s McQ designer collaboration for US Target it will be available on March. I want it NOW. The shoes are Louboutin for Phillip Lim.

au.movember.com



It’s Movember! ‘Movember (the month formerly known as November) is an annual charity event held during November.At the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The Movember participants, known as Mo Bros, have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their Mo, raising money along the way to benefit men’s health - specifically prostate cancer and male depression." Sponsor a Mo Bro Now.


Check out David Letterman as he flirts with Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.She is so fey. Not Tina Fey. Just fey.

Issue 235

  • Beyonce loves wearing her new favorite fashion accessory — a Robo-glove.
  • Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are dunzo. He found out there was nothing there.
  • Karolina Kurkova doesn’t have a belly button. Robo girl.
  • Eva Longoria flashed her Spanx. Robo bottom.
  • Jennifer Garner has read all the books and knows there’s one thing to definitely avoid during pregnancy: A crazed lunatic who claims to hear directly from God. (Sarah Palin?) Which is why she recently filed a restraining order against the man who’s been stalking her since 2002…saysthesuperficial
  • There was outrage in the White House today as the outgoing president clashed with the incoming president-elect Barack Hussein Obama. Barack Obama is demanding that Bush takes away the spittoons installed all around the top and bottom floors of the White House even including the spittoon in the middle of the Oval office. "He can take his stinking spittoons with him, it may be a cowboy tradition but things are going to change around here from now on," an Obama aide told CNN…says thedailysquib
  • Guy Ritchie just poured tea, biscuits and poor dental hygiene all over Madonna’s claims that he’s a gold-digger. The British director has refused to accept a penny of her money in their divorce settlement with his only concern being the living arrangement of their children….says thesuperficial
  • George W Bush is on a roll with a new high National Approval Rating of 29%. Robocop.
  • Is Gwyneth Paltrow ditching her British husband? Instead of seeing him perform this weekend, Gwyneth went to the opening of Fountainebleu in Miami then hung out with Madonna and new boyfriend Alex Rodriguez.
  • Angelina Jolie says she had trouble simultaneously breastfeeding her twins and wonders how she and Brad Pitt attend events with baby pee on them. Robo woman.
  • Winona Ryder fell ill on a flight to London. She tried to shoplift the First class blankets.
The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Life of Bees…by Sue Monk Kidd

The Secret Life of Bees is now a so you had best start reading the book now.
It’s ‘the story of Lily Owens, a girl who has shaped her life around one devastating memory—the afternoon her mother was killed, when Lily was four. Besides her harsh and unyielding father, Lily’s only real companion is Rosaleen, a tender, but fierce-hearted black woman who cooks, cleans and acts as her “stand-in mother.”Set in 1964 in South Carolina, The Secret Life Of Bees allows us into a world apart—in a novel whose strong, irresistible voice catches us up and doesn’t let go. The Secret Life Of Bees is a mesmerizing novel about women with extraordinary gifts coping with loss and finding forgiveness and especially, learning to forgive themselves’.
$10 Publisher:Penguin Publishing (January 2003)

The Christmas List:
Paris Tango

The Christmas List:
Paris Tango

The Christmas List:
Paris Tango
………………..by Carla Coulson.
“Paris Tango” offers a contemporary look at Paris, one of the world’s most beautiful and vital cities, through the eyes of the extrordinarily talented Australian photographer and writer Carla Coulson. “Paris Tango” takes us on a very personal journey into the heart of the city. Carla interviews the gatekeepers of all things French, including: Moulin Rouge owner Jacki Clerico; master perfumer Frederic Malle; couture genius Francois Lesage; renowned florist Djordje Varda; and lingerie high priestess Chantal Thomass. Carla’s intimate photographs and evocative writing create an unforgettable, yet very personal portrait of a city that never fails to inspire.
Those who already love Paris, and those still waiting to be wooed, will be entranced by the insight into the city that Carla shares.’ Fabulous! A great Christmas present !
Publisher: Penguin Books Australia (2008)

Issue 235

Economy:
Supre:
It’s crazy in here…so many cheap (and sometimes chic) buys.My picks are…

  • The Obama white tank. Obama has made it to Supre. You can wear his face on your chest. I did try it on and I noticed his eyes go a bit wide if your bra is positioned in the right – or wrong- spot. He starts to look like an alien. A fab buy, wear it with your harem pants and Balmain jacket. $20
  • Summer is all about easy dressing so buy the V neck T-shirt dresses. Fab to throw on over your bikini…are they dresses or just long T-shirts? Depends on your legs. $27
  • Love the one-shoulder black satin ruffle trim dress. $55. My advice. Buy a subtle colour. You know the rules: cheap colours + cheap fabrics = scary.
  • You want short shorts to show off that lipo?. Honey you have short shorts galore here. The sad thing is they are made for people with absolutely no bottoms. God knows where they put them; my handbag is bigger.
  • Love the loose tank dresses almost drape tunic style. OK it has a low drape back but that makes it sexy mama. Sure the front looks a little like a scoop but what do you want for $35? Oh please. Throw on the fake tan and buy one in every colour. You could even buy Black. $24
  • There are sequin tanks here for about $30 in back and white. Throw on with jeans and your most adorable surreal heels and voila. Cool dude.
  • Buy the cute black wet look if you can carry it off. You might be able to carry it off from the saggy knee down. They are so cool. Of course they were an item du jour MONTHS ago in The FiFi Report. But you knew that. And if you didn’t ? Just keep reading…you will be groovy by about 3 issues. Which will be just in time for Christmas.

General Pants:
It’s a little punk here. Not in a scary rat way but in a now-it’s-mainstream-who-wants-to-wear-a-Mohawk-kind-of way. I am very happy there is a lot of black and a lot of denim. Quite a few little black dresses. Emphasis on the little… The names of the labels are getting kookier by the minute… (Just Don’t ask Amanda…) Best buys are:

  • Love the Don’t Ask Amanda black one-shouldered dress with frills and a tie around the waist. Please don’t ask Amanda she gets shitty. Just buy the dress and shut up. HINT: One shoulder is no longer a Princess Di moment but more a Lanvin moment.
  • Check out the One Teaspoon black cotton high-neck Singlet with ruffles around the neck. $69. Ruffles are a big trend for next season.
  • Some Thing by Natalie Wood black leggings with black zips on the side of the ankles. $89. Poor Natalie Wood. She drowned. (Probably had too many zips and sunk to the bottom. Bless.) Love, love, love black leggings with a long jacket. Ditch the leggings with the Frou Frou skirt. That was over last season. It’s now about tough chic and keeping it sharp. You can wear leggings with a skirt if you want. I just won’t chat to you in public.
  • Checkout the Subtitled in grey. (Subtitled: nappies). They have a drawstring around the hip and elastic at the ankle. In fact you could call them very comfy as they are in a kind of track-pant fabric. Please wear with your favourite stomping gladiators and a Balmain blazer. Then next year you can wear them to bed. $69
  • There are also Some Thing black cotton harem pants (they are a little bit shiny) with elastic around the ankle and the hip, and silver zips up the side of both ankles. $99. Groove-a-licious. Remember shiny fabric means no fatty Arbuckle lumps and bumps. Give a thought to the rest of mankind and the people who are walking behind you.
  • There is a cute Alice in the Eve grey fitted blazer with satin collar and sleeves. $129. Don’t we just love a blazer? (Hint to all dags: Answer is yes).
  • If you bought the spur straps from last week you will probably want to buy the Luna red-and-white check cowgirl style shirtdress. It has floral fabric over the shoulder and down the front and a tie around the waist. Yee ha! Please don’t wear with cowboy boots or a cowboy hat. Unless y’all from Dallas. Wear with some red wedges. $89
  • Please buy the black bowler hat and channel Agyness Deyn. Very 80’s. Don’t wear with a tie and trousers suit unless your name is Charlie Chaplin. $99
  • There is a cute Agent 99 light grey canvas bag with black gladiator style leather straps and gold buckles around the bag. Very tough. So tough you could be Agent 99 or Maxwell Smart. This is the item to buy if you love the gladiator look but can’t do the shoes. (Which means you will be stuck hiding indoors all summer.) $89


Just Jeans
On sale! Race (and I mean race) in here for $5 scarves and fabulous hats, bags and shoes. There is an abundance of beachwear, maxi dresses and kaftan tops. Best buys include…

  • A chic de la chic black viscose one-shoulder top with a frill around the strap. The frill has a gold floral embroidered pattern, and the top has elastic at the waist. It also comes in white, but the white looks cheap. That’s right. Cheap. We will not have FiFi Report readers looking cheap. Oh! the word just looks so lonely without chic next to it. $49
  • Buy the cotton maxi dress in a tie-dyed pattern of oranges, pinks and yellows. It has a triangle top with ruching under the bust, with double spaghetti straps that cross over at the back, $89. Repeatez après moi: I will not wear a maxi dress with heels. This is a perfect number to throw on at the beach. Or when you are being a lazy slut around the house.
  • Guess what? We see that black cotton harem pants have even sneaked in here. I like the wide elastic band at the hip band and at the ankles. With pockets. $59. Buy, wear, thrash, trash and voila. The season is over and the trend has peaked. You can now donate to a dag for next season.
  • If you have long. skinny brown legs then I suggest you buy the cute denim mini skirt with plaited detail on the pocket – very Chloe, $49. I do love denim back with brown accessories. They seem to add a tasteful edge. Don’t do hot pink and denim together. Ever. I feel sick just thinking about it. So buy the buy the choc brown Gladiator sandals too, $29.
  • Keep any eye out for the chic canvas double handle bag in a soft lemon with navy and white striped lining. On sale for $15, the cute straw floppy hats in chocolate brown or white and the fabulous cat-eye sunglasses in black. $24. 

Business Class:
Lisa Ho:
It’s silky dresses galore! Quite a few Grecian pieces and some fabulous accessories…Best buys include:

  • The dark grey silk skirt with a twisted drape from the hip to knee, with pockets hanging from the waistband. Also comes in navy. $339. This is a great piece to wear with a simple tank or tee and then throw on stacks of silver bangles. This will look great with a shrunken blazer or a bomber jacket.
  • The fabulous blue, grey and orange geometric print silk dress. With a high neck it has a drape detail over the collar and an exposed silver zip at the back. $439. The graphic print top and dress are here for another season so ne panickez pas about getting your $ per kilometres. Wear with a leather jacket to funk it up or with those cute gladiator flats. Wear with chunky Marni style bracelets.
  • Love the dark-grey, silk wrap-around dress with cap sleeves and tulle and metallic pieces sewn on the shoulder. Also comes in navy blue. $499. It’s a little Grecian but not too over the top. You won’t look like you should be at the Acropolis. Wear with lots of silver and black.
  • Invest in the gorgeous grey soft tailored jacket in viscose and linen, with two pockets at the front. $399. Wear with those crazy black leggings from General Pants with zips on the side and your Dior stomps. Wear over shorts and a tank. Wear over a pretty dress. Think outside the circle. A jacket doesn’t just go with trousers anymore. Oh no. It’s turning into a flirt and wants to be on top of everything.
  • Did you know that ‘dressing gown style’ dressing is hot for next summer? Darling Dolce Gabbana devoted an entire show to the concept. And Miuccia, the high priestess, also showed the idea. Buy the cream dressing gown style jacket here with knitted sleeves, a tie around the waist, two pockets on the side and military details on the shoulders. Also comes in pale pink. But I am allergic to that 4-letter word. Pink. $499
  • Adore the Patent Grecian style flat sandals in brown or cream with a PVC piece on the top of the foot. $375. Yes please! And the leather ‘Link’ belt, in purple, silver, or tan leather with silver link buckle. $239. Oh go on you need another belt. If only so you have something to tighten when times are going to get tough.

Country Road:
It’s a lovely mix of red, black and orange and a dabble of navy…great dresses and a lot of beachy weekend pieces. Best buys are:

  • The cute stripe tanks in red and white, or navy and white…stripes are always right. But please don’t do the nautical look unless you are rowing across Pittwater. Wear a stripe top with a floral skirt. Very Dries. Mix it up. Just make sure the colours tone together. Wear a stripe tank under a stone trench. Wear a stripe tank with a 50’s full skirt. Wear under a leather bomber jacket. $39
  • The shirtdress is everywhere this season and I do love the red and white stripe shirtdress here. It’s a little on the short side but wear it over shorts or a flirty skirt. Wear it with bare legs, lots of fake tan and with the chunky platform YSL wedges $149
  • If you are sick of jeans and black pants then never fear, khaki chinos are here. $139. Wear with a sequin jacket, and black platforms. Add a brown belt.  This is a great look if you want to go out for dinner but don’t want to look too casual. Or for that matter too dressed up.
  • Ditto the cropped parachute pants, $89. These are so cool. Wear with a grey marle tank, a bright chiffon blouse and add the glitter tee. Just don’t jump out of a plane. Oopsies.
  • Love the cream lace insert camisole top with black trim $139. This is a great piece to wear with jeans or with short shorts. Love it with a pencil skirt and killer heels.
  • The Ikat print sundress in navy and white with shoestring straps $179. Wear this with a chunky brown or tan leather belt. Prada started the trend so you may as well finish it. Ditch the idea of the patent belt and wear a pretty dress with tan accessories. With a double buckle Warrior Woman belt. That’s the modern way to update your wardrobe.

Blood Orange:
You had better run in here to buy the fabulous leather sandals from K Jacques as well as dresses and a lot of chic understated staples.Best buys include…

  • Love the French label A.P.C…so Parisienne, so chic. Love the silver metallic tunic dress, knee length with black cotton over the shoulders and pleated detail, $445. This will be perfect for summer. Belt it in and wear with simple T bar flats.
  • Also buy the classic A.P.C. white cotton shift dress with belt around the waist. It has a subtle vertical stripe in a slightly textured material. Divine. It’s as simple as that. Don’t be afraid of white. You don’t want to eat an Almond Magnum anyway. $330
  • Adore the Filippa K. black crepe jersey Maxi dress with a halter neck and a tie at the waist. Throw this on and forget about your troubles. Forget about the deep creases in the bank account and in your brow. (One is brought on by the other.) Wear this with fabulous red patent flats, Marni chunky wooden necklaces or stacks of Hermes leather cuffs and spur straps. $480
  • Who doesn’t love a cape? Please invest in a cape; next season they will be even hotter and cooler (this is due to climate change). Love the Rittenhouse grey marle cape in a light grey with a large collar, $339. Make sure you wear this with narrow skinny pants and not a Nurse uniform. Or with a monocle and a top hat. Then buy the Carla Spetik black cape with cap sleeves and drape detail over the sleeve. Very geometric. Fabulous. $450
  • In accessories you want the Cara Feather belt. It’s a very delicate and thin leather belt with feathers and a turquoise stone in the centre. $175. Gorgeous. Then buy the Michelle Jank fabulous perspex necklaces in a clear boomerang shape $310. And skip away with all your shopping wearing the snazzy leather gladiator sandals. In three different styles ranging from $285 - $355. In browns, tans and gold. Love it.

First Class:
Bally:
Time to drool. Better get a tissue. It’s so thoughtful of all the international designer stores to bring in the next winter collections now. If there is anything that sends shivers down my spine (apart from the word cheap) is being behind. Last season. Dated. We just can’t go there. Instead let’s go to Bally and buy all the most divine shoes and bags…(and clothes mostly in black and brown) My favourites?

  • In the clothing you want the black velvet single-breasted jacket with a red leather belt that doubles up around the waist. On most people. $795
  • Love the black multi sun ray pleat dress in chiffon with big bell sleeves $1100…It’s quite divine and you can belt it in if you want to or let it hang loose. Good if you are pregnant. Good too if you want to hide your shopping and smuggle it into the house without your husband seeing it.
  • When it’s warm outside it’s hard to think about wearing a gorgeous black double-breasted coat in fake fur. But not that hard. In fact you forget about the heat as soon as you try it on. But is it fake fur? Or is it boiled wool or I am just blind? Or maybe just drunk? Drunk with shopping. $$$.
  • You can’t live without the black fine knit ¾ sleeves t-shirt. $450. No point in going on.
  • The tan and cream knee length fur coat is fabulous. About $9000. Don’t worry, PETA I will throw a coconut cream pie in my own face. Thank you very much.
  • I think I spy some funky black or grey parachute pants $$… You know how to wear them. With heels. Not on a plane with a backpack.
  • In accessories you will want to pat and drool over the double handle black or choc brown tote with a top zip, about $1600, the fabulous python pumps/heels in tan, about $800, and you want the fabulous little patent clutch with gold hardware in a soft monkey brown…or is taupe? Yes please.
  • You must have the 20’s style heels in a dark blue with multi straps and a peep toe. They have been here for weeks and every time I look at them they look back with those puppy dog eyes begging to go home with me. $700.

Burberry:
Heaven. I have arrived in heaven. The Burberry and Burberry Prorsum are both here to drool over. Too many pieces to choose from…you want everything including:

  • The divine short double-breasted pea coat/trench in stone with silver buttons. It’s very fitted with buttons right to the collar but has a chic peplum detail. $2400
  • The fabulous double-breasted classic cropped short stone trench $1100. This is a perfect piece. Wear everywhere. To bed, to sleep, to rehab.
  • The gorgeous simple black lace skirt $800. Lace is, of course, a big trend and this skirt is so right with a tee or with a leather jacket. Santa: I have been very good. I have.
  • Love the black knit sleeveless top with a satin silk pleated origami detail along the collar. $800. It’s a little fitted so that it has ribbing at the waist and the prettiest chiffon pleats on the edge of the sleeves. Santa. I am going to better.
  • Adore the cool nylon bomber jacket. It’s casual chic and will look fabulous with a skirt or jeans. $1700
  • The sensational Burberry Prorsum black dress with a tulip shape and elastic edges and trim $2200. The quality is quite amazing. I doubt it will fit in a Christmas stocking.
  • Buy the black v-neck short sleeved fitted top that is almost like a corset. The fabric seems to be squashed ribbons…now squash it onto your black plastic. $3200
  • Please try on the chic de la chic silver trench with silver buttons and a peplum $1500. It’s not over the top silver but a subtle metallic thread that is quite beautiful.
  • Oh and the winter shoes and bags are here. You know the shoes…the divine platform double ankle strap peep toes that you wear with black opaques. About $1000…
Chocolate and Apricot Brownies

Chocolate and Apricot Brownies
These are made with wholemeal flour and apricots so you can try to be a little healthy.
You need for one big, fat gourmande who loves chocolate or this is enough to feed a few school girls or 50 models.
100g butter
100g dark chocolate
2 eggs, beaten
2 teasp vanilla essence
300g caster sugar (this is alot of sugar but it works)
100g wholemeal plain flour
1 teasp cocoa powder
50g pecans or walnuts chopped
50g dried apricots, diced

  • Hop into a leisure suit or put an apron on over your bikini.
  • Preheat the oven to 180C. 
  • Chop up the walnuts roughly. Bash them a little. Think of your last boyfriend when giving them the chop.
  • Do the same to the apricots. Think of the ex boss.
  • Find a baking tin and line with baking paper. You really should do this because it will stop all that gooey chocolate and butter sticking to the tin.
  • Find the chocolate and taste it to make sure it’s right. Double check.
  • Melt the chocolate together with the butter in a saucepan that is sitting in another saucepan of boiling water. You know the trick.
  • Let the chocolate and butter cool a little.
  • Find a bowl and then toss in the eggs, vanilla and sugar
  • Beat with wooden spoon until creamy.
  • Pour in the chocolate mixture and mix gently with a spoon
  • Lick the saucepan with the chocolate and butter. Wipe face before going out.
  • Now stir in the flour, cocoa, nuts and apricots. 
  • It will seem very thick and gooey (as your thighs will be after eating) and you may wonder if there is enough liquid but don’t worry it will be delicious.
  • Pour it all into a tin (the mix is so thick it won’t even move).
  • Throw in oven and bake 40 minutes or until cracked and crunchy on top.
  • Allow to cool in the tin before cutting into squares.
  • Devour.
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Beyonce queen B!
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Bracelet in Casaque Red Epsom calfskin AU$700 from .
Isabel Marant
ÉTOILE ISABEL MARANT grey top US$365 from
French Connection
METAL SNAKE DRESS $249 from .
Cue
Drop Earring blends Swarovski and glass stones$70 from
Country Road
Print Sateen Pant $129 from .
Burberry
Peplum waist leather jacket $2,895.00 from.
Country Road
Fluro Scarf $49.95 from
Bassike
Blue boxy fit t.shirt with v neck $90 from
Bardot
White cotton Peplum top from $79.95
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23 August 2012

You have a $1000: what do you spend it on?

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