• "I’ve been in Australia filming Big Brother House, in which my housemates and I are confined and sealed off from the outside world, much like the chickens who are crammed inside barns for KFC. Fortunately, I won’t be stomped to death, have my legs broken or be scalded to death in a tank of hot water" Pamela Anderson. That’s a pity.
• “The only other photos that would possibly come that close is Britney Spears giving birth to an alien," - A celebrity photo agency on the fact that shots of Jolie Pitt twins are worth between $15 and $20 million.
•"The mother and father are very, very happy. The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. And the bank balance is very healthy " says Jolie’s obstetrician.
• "One giant watermelon was split in two and ornately carved into a mould of Beyonce’s breasts. Two cherries were used as nipples." - The description of what Jay-Z demanded when staying in Nigeria recently ( reports jezebel.)
• "She’s happy with me. She lets me eat meals now."– Mariah Carey, speaking about her personal trainer. Her meals are cherries and watermelon
• "You’ve got to suffer the private photos of you. You can’t go running after the paparazzi, saying, ‘But it’s for a movie.’" Val Kilmer who says he got fat for a movie. Cherry picking his roles.
• “I’d love to do a younger, cleaner version of Sex and the City,". Miley Cyrus. No watermelons please.
• "When she wants something, she calls me up and goes, ‘Uncle Phil, Uncle Phil, please…’ Sir Philip Green from Top shop in a high pitched voice on Kate Moss. KFC please.
• “If I win, it’s because of my natural ability, and if I lose, it’sbecause I wasn’t trying so hard.” – Kelly Ripa, before racing againstother women in high heels (below).

DIY: ZIP BANGLES
Here at The FiFi Report HQ we happened to spy a chic, little bangle on Vogue.co.uk. And we decided it was so cool we could do a ‘do-it-yourself’ and make a version ourself.

Instructions:

1. Buy Smiggles black zip necklaces $4.95 (intended use is attach keys and tags and wear around your neck. Please explain…).
2. Remove ’smiggle’ plastic tag.
3. Adjust zip to arms length.
4. Wear as a bangle.
5. Look fabulous.

You need a watch to know what time the bottle shop opens.
You need a watch to know what time Rehab closes.
You need a watch to know how many minutes it’s been since George Clooney called.
You need a watch to keep track of how many Kids Angelina is popping out.
You need a watch so that you can tell precisely when a trend has expired. To the minute.
You need a watch because it’s the hot accessory du jour.
You want a watch that’s chunky and tough.
You want a watch that can sit with your Balenciaga heels and not be intimidated. You want a watch that can hold it’s own with the new, sculptured strong silhouette.
You want a Chanel watch. If only to have something pretty and chic to look at all times of the day.
Pictured Left to Right: Chanel J12, TOY and DIOR Chiffre Rouge Watch.

The good news is that I look like Cate Blanchett.
The bad news is that it’s Queen Elizabeth in The Golden Age.
So I am taking action.
I want my skin to look like beautiful Galadriel in Lord of the Rings.
Everyday I am slathering on the fabulous SK-II Signs Treatment Totality. Something is happening. Something good. Is it the Pitera® Niacinamide and New ActiveSirtuin? It could be if I could pronounce it. They say “It penetrates the skin’s surface to tackle multiple signs of ageing”. Mutliple being the key word here. They say it helps “your skin to retain its youthful look for longer with regular use”. I use the skin on my face regularly so it must be working. I say I love the texture. The soft cream seems to really sink in and do something to all the little wrinkles not paralyzed yet by Botox. I say if you are going to invest in a moisturiser then then you want this one. It deserves an Oscar.

$195 for 80g. SK-II Signs Treatment Totality.

•Check out model Suvi Koponen in the new winter ads for Calvin Klein styled by Camilla Nickerson and Karl Templer .
• Aussie Model Abbey Lee Kershaw and Sydney’s Chic Models, Catherine McNeil and Sarah Stephens will be Italian Vogue’s October issue front to back, with top photographers snapping a 20-page shoot of Kershaw for the mag…from fashionologie.
• ‘THE art collection of Yves Saint Laurent and Pierre Bergé is to be sold in Paris by Christie’s auction house with half the proceeds going to the Yves Saint Laurent and the Pierre Bergé Foundation and the other to Berge, who was joined with Saint Laurent in a civil ceremony shortly before his death. With everything from works by Matisse and Goya and furniture from Eileen Gray and Pierre Chareau at Saint Laurent’s Rue de Babylone residence to the Renaissance pieces at Berge’s Paris apartment, the sale will be second to none’ reports WWD
• Check out the video of Marc Jacobs discussing the Richard Prince collaboration with Louis Vuitton.
• ‘Gucci has tapped Rihanna to appear in the label’s first ad campaign for UNICEF to be shot by photographers Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin’ reports WWD
• A fourth film based on Coco Chanel’s life has been announced: Chanel et Stravinsky, l’Histoire Secrete. Coco avant Chanel, starring Audrey Tautou as the designer before she became famous, is now currently in production.
• There’s a new fashion photographer on the scene. Victor Demarchelier is mounting his own portfolio — hot on the heels of his father Patrick Demarchelier. reports WWD
• Claudia Schiffer isn’t just posing for Chanel she is now booked for the Dolce + Gabbana’s resort collection, which we should see this December .. From fashionista.

• Peek at the Comme des Garçons–Louis Vuitton Handbag Collaboration. Pictured above.
• ‘Looks like Carla Bruni-Sarkozy’s passion for Christian Dior extendsto the men’s wear department; The tuxedo she wears (pictured above) in promo images for her new album, which came out in France Friday, July 11, isby Dior Homme designer Kris Van Assche, straight from his fall/winterrunway. There’s been a frenzy around the former model’s latest record,titled "Comme si de rien n’était" ("As if nothing had happened"), andreviews have largely been good — with a few frosty exceptions. Britishnewspaper The Times dryly noted that it "may be the best album evermade by the wife of a head of state." Reports WWD.
• It’s all change at London’s Dover Street Market this month. The store closes beginning today for three days before unveiling its new season’s collections July 19. Lines set for Rei Kawakubo’s fast-changing, six-floor emporium include Salvatore Ferragamo Creations, a limited edition collection of shoes inspired by illustrations from the Ferragamo archives. The store will also carry an exclusive selection of pieces from Hussein Chalayan’s fall collection and the windows will be taken over by an installation designed by the punk artist Jamie Reid. British artist Katerina Jebb is set to create an installation in the store using pieces from Christian Lacroix’s collections, while set designer Michael Howells will fashion a baroque area that will house looks from John Galliano. A project with Valentino to showcase Alessandra Facchinetti’s pieces is in the pipeline for later in the season..reports WWD.
• Click here for to read about the worlds first supermodel.
• Clickhere to read Giselles latest interview for V Mag. Look at hercover shot taken by Mario Testino.
• US Vogue has teamed with the fashion and media divisions of IMG to produce an elaborate Web-based reality series about the fashion industry. Coming in August 2008, "Model.Live" will follow the lives of three young models as they enter the world of top modeling. View the video here, courtesy of Vogue and IMG.
• Cover News: US Vogue will have Keira Knightley, shot by Mario Testino on the cover of September issue, Glamour will have Penélope Cruz for its September cover, shot by Mattias Vriens, while W (which beat Glamour to the punch with Cruz on its August cover) plans to feature Kate Hudson, shot by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott. In Style will have Uma Thurman, who will star in the upcoming movie "The Accidental Husband." Sources say Cosmopolitan will have Blake Lively of "Gossip Girl" and Teen Vogue has "High School Musical" actress Vanessa Hudgens, shot by Richard Bush. Allure shot country music singer Carrie Underwood for its September issue. And Elle will showcase Underwood’s newest musical competitor, Jessica Simpson, who is releasing a country album later this year…reports WWD
• The September issue of Vanity Fair will feature SIX supermodels on on fold-out cover. Stephanie Seymor, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington and Cindy Crawford?

www.style.com/vogue
See the video of all the behind-the-scenes moments that took place during the making of the Vogue Age Issue with Kate Moss as covergirl. Vogue Diaries traveled around the world from London to Boca Raton and New York.

www.TheImagist.com
"The Imagist is a hydra. The Imagist is an omnivore. It travels the world’s fashion weeks and art fairs, film festivals and award shows. It goes from hotel to nightclub to art gallery to boutique to bar to bookstore to beach to record shop devouring: hunting for a tremor or a twitch that could change things"..

• Mary-Kate Olsen Eats, Shuns Booze, Befriends Jessica Stam. from NYMag.
• ‘Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men) was arrested early Saturday morning at a bar in Louisiana. Josh is playing the part of George Bush in Oliver Stone’s W, and it looks like he forgot to break character. It happens. That said, it’s a good thing Josh isn’t playing Dick Cheney. Otherwise, he’d have eaten a baby by now’..says thesuperficial.
• Ange had a c-section for twins: Jolie Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. The photos are said to be worth $11 million and the proceeds will go to charity. And her nanny bill.
• Jennifer Lopez doesn’t let her twins "repeat" clothes: They wear a new designer outfit every day. They also have Waterford crystal bottles. And booked a room in rehab for 2020.
• Miranda Kerr has given Orlando Bloom the flick and has been seen kissing randoms.
• Sienna Miller is hanging out topless in Italy with married actor Balthazar Getty of ABC’s Brothers and Sisters. Wife not happy.
• Jake Gyllenhaal has moved in with Reese and is totally under the thumb.
• Emily Blunt and Michael Buble are dunzo. He wouldn’t stop singing his own praises.
• Mariah is still married. This week
• Amy Winehouse might have a problem with drugs and alcohol. ‘She officially needs to be put down now’ says thesuperficial.
• 61 yr old Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood has gone back to rehab after being holed up on a drinking binge with 19-year-old Russian waitress. Hic
• Christina Aguilera reapplied her lip gloss 30 times during the course of one dinner.
• Michael Jackson uses a wheelchair now. And "the skin on his hands is peeling, almost like a snake’s." We knew that. About 10 years ago.
• Is Uma Thurman is pregnant?.
• Madonna is to adopt a new husband from Africa…reports the dailysquib.
• Jade Goody says she is having a Lobotomy to improve her IQ..reports thedailysquib.
• Oil found in Zimbabwe - UK and US to Invade Next Week..reports thedailysquib .
• The White House is going to be repossessed by America’s lenders because of serious economic problems and non-payment of rent arrears and debt. The President could lose the White House if the Federal Reserve fails to pay nearly $2500 Trillion that is owed by America…reports thedailysquib
•John McCain is eagerly anticipating testing out his new mobility scooter in the vast grounds of the White House (below middle).
• Eva Longoria is addressing those pregnancy rumors . For the upcoming season of Desperate Housewives [Eva'scharacter] has "gained" weight and cut her hair" (below left). Her excuse anyway.
• Reese Witherspoon is shooting with Mario Testino in Paris for an upcoming US Vogue cover…

Snowdon: The Biography by Anne de Courcy; Weidenfeld
” Ajuicy biography… it is impossible here to convey the combination of high society and low morals, of frightfully good taste and awful cheese that de Courcy has managed to dish up.” (OBSERVER )
“this new biography by Anne de Courcy… has been making newspaper headlines for weeks.” (JAN MOIR SUNDAY TELEGRAPH )
“Has anyone not slept with Lord Snowdon? The priapic Earl’s multi-layered love life is the dominant theme of this chatty and penetrating biography, packed as it is with love affairs, love-children…and love-struck mistresses, often several at one time… Snowdon makes a glamorous, capricious, selfish and suprisingly philanthropic subject for this lively account of a man and his era.” (DAILY MAIL SUMMER READING ).
“the amorous Snowdon was remarkably helpful for this life; the result is jaw-droppingly revealing.” (BEST BOOKS FOR SUMMER READING THE SUNDAY TIMES )
£20. www.amazon.co.uk Publisher: Weidenfeld & Nicolson (4 Jun 2008).

The Christmas List: Liaigre by Christian Liaigre.
‘Interior design guru Christian Liaigre takes us inside six exclusive properties to unveil his luxurious world of design.
Christian Liaigre, an internationally celebrated French interior designer, has conceived homes for Calvin Klein, Karl Lagerfeld, Bryan Adams, François Nars, and Kenzo. His renowned commercial projects include the Mercer Hotel in New York, the Hakkasan restaurant in London, the Hotel Montalembert and Market restaurant in Paris, and the Club Med in Bora Bora.’ Chic.
$78. www.amazon.com Publisher: Flammarion (September 9, 2008).

Economy Class:


Sportsgirl:
Australian designer Kate Hurst has designed a range for Sportsgirl called ‘Settle Petal"
• There is a beautiful fitted sleeveless black dress. The top is a delicate black lace. It is very Parisian $249. Mais Oui. Wear with black opaques and a blazer .
• check out the cutest pair of short black cotton/ stretch sateen shorts. $89. Wear with heels not with thongs.
• Love the sleeveless bias cut mint, pink and black striped silk short dress with buttons straight down the front and a puss bow neck $239. it’s for the young.
•Also in store is a fab white and navy Aztec print thick cotton flared skirt. Perfect for the hippie-luxe weekends in Ibiza.
•Look out for ‘The Beautiful and Dammed’ denim diffusion line, designed by 18th Amendment in stores August 1.
Equip:
• Love the YSL-esque silver star hair clips $4. They have large cut outs of silver stars on the end of each clip. Buy 3. Cheaper than French Vogue.
• There is a fabulous black leather headband with heavy silver studs. $5. Not so heavy so you won’t get a headache.
• The black or brown basket woven faux-leather, oversized clutch bags are amazing $24. Just don’t look too closely. Remember when you take them out of the harsh bright lights and into daylight they look different. Especially worn with YSL heels.
• For all you jet-setters (or narcoleptic shoppers) you must buy the eye-masks in black $12. (pictured left).
• buy the long strand of pearls $9. Channel Chanel.
Portmans:
Portmans are really firing up this season and I spy many fab finds:
• Adore the black and white short 50’s silk skirt with the large crisscross pattern on the front. What? You don’t like the tulle underlay? Cut it off. Brilliant. $99.
• I will say it once and I will say it again: I think we are having a pearl moment; Buy the long strands of pearls. And wear in bed with grey marle. $19. • You drooled over the Chanel black tweed jacket but couldn’t quite squeeze the $9,990 on your Amex? Head to Portmans and check out the cute little version here; $149. Wear witjh jeans and a white Tee. Add a Chanel camellia.
• There is a cool Marni-like necklace in red, wood and blue geometric shapes and bronze chain. $24.
• Love the 1950’s Marilyn Munroe stiff nylon gingham dress. Sleeveless with a button through front and a huge circular skirt. $129. Hint: Cut the tulle out from underneath the dress so it doesn’t poke up from under the hem. And you are mistaken for a Pilgrim. Bless.
• Love the patent brown (almost black) tote. $49. It’s a medium size tote with a front pocket to store Model Co lip gloss
• Love the full 50’s cotton black skirt with white ribbon trim. Think Prada. A few seasons ago. But that’s Ok. The full 50’s skirt is one of the key pieces for summer $129
SES:
SES is a little secret most Fashionista don’t want to share…. But The FiFi Report’s mission is spread the love:
• Check out the black thick linen short sleeved jacket. A short 60’s swing jacket it has snazzy pin tucks at the back. $29. Take it to the dry cleaner after wearing as you will have to iron it for days otherwise. Crinkled is the way linen is supposed to look but sometimes it can a little too scruffy.
• Buy the long man style black vest ..it stops at the hip. Very cool. $24. Wear over a Tee with shorts. Wear with a full 50’s skirt.
• Check out the Pleather ( Faux leather ) short vest. leave it done up under the bust or undone. $24. A little rock chic.
• It’s official: Florals have arrived in stores everywhere. Be careful as florals are very hard to wear and can look cheap. We can’t have FiFi Report readers looking cheap. Or nasty. So buy the black or red floral tiered skirt and steer away from the other colours. Brights and cheap poly-crepe do not mix. $19. For anyone born after 1990
• You want the black and white knit horizontally striped kaftan mini dress. Very Paul and Joe with a low V back and high front. $24
Target:
Target has exploded with better quality fabrics. Bless. They have a ‘Cruise Collection’ ATM which is a wardrobe straight from the French Rivera…..
• Buy the navy and white stripe, loose fitted jersey cotton kaftan top. With an elasticized waist and wide arms the cotton appears to be high quality similar to the Petite Bateau jersey cottons. $39
• Love the boat neck grey and white striped fitted top in stretch cotton. It has eyelets around the neck with a cord looped through the eyelets which ties at the lower neckline. $34.
• Invest in silky crepe high waist wide pants in black; they seem to have a fabulous cut $59. Also comes in black and white tweed. Buy Both. $49
• Check out the felt grey fedora hat. It is the perfect shape and sits on the head nicely. As all good hats should $19.
• There are wooden beads galore here: Marni eat your heart out. Throw them on in multiples of 10. $19.

Business Class:
Max and Co:
The new summer arrivals are arriving every day and we are jumping for joy…
• You want the black transparent anorak dress with a zip up front, toggle hem and pocket front. It’s very on-trend in a stiff poly-gauze and straight off the Milan catwalks. Wear over a black singlet dress to cover the rude bits. $695. Sheer is a huge trend for summer. But don’t (try to) frown. You don’t need to flash anything; it’s all about light layering.
• Wear your new sheer anorak with the Max and Co black peep toe wooden wedges with a very Fendi esque cut-out in the middle of the wedge. Very high and very tempting $455
• Love the silver silk sporty-luxe dress; loosely fitted with a round neck and short sleeves. Sporty luxe is not over yet. It has front zip pockets (to hide shopping receipts and Mars bar wrapping) and then cinches in at the waist with silver toggles. $385
• Adore the black stretch paneled dress. You know that black is HUGE for next winter. This is good news. The panels cut vertically through the front of the dress curving in at the waist to meet the chic black leather belt (which comes with it ) $385.
• Buy the sensational button up chocolate leather jacket with a paneling on the front and a cute collar. It’s chocolate as in colour not as in sugar. The arms have an uneven hem where the panels join. $1,055. You want this. I know you do. No fattening either.
• Check out the suede joggers in here. Perfect for looking sporty whilst vigorously masticating strawberry rhubarb crumble (see recipes). In non fat cream or khaki $225.
Saba:
Great simple classics here in good quality fabrics:
• Love the black wool tailored vest with a three button front (left). Wear it to work over a pretty blouse, out at night over sexy mama shorts and heels or on weekends with jeans and converse. Did vests go out and then come in again? I think so $179.
• Love the white silk puss bow blouse with a pin tuck bib-front and button up detail. Also in black. $179. Pussy bow blouses need to be toughened up. They have had easy for too long. So wear with serious shoes and skinny black pants. Or with shorts shorts. Or with a leather mini skirt. It has to be worn with irony or you will look like Princess Di. Without the crown.
• Check out the amazing purple almost fushia silk dress with a loose drape and small cap sleeves and tie waist. $279. This season and next summer it’s all about THE dress again.
• Invest in the linen gauze scarves with a large dot weave; beautiful. Choose from cream or grey. $59 – a great travel companion. And it won’t talk back or snore.
• YSL started the wide waist belt phenomenon years ago and looks like it will stay for a decade. This is a good thing. If you look very hard you will find your waist. When you find it show it off with the black wide snake skin belt $149.
Orson and Blake:
• The House of Baulch has fabulous jewellery. You knew that but did you know where to buy it? You do now. Head here and buy the silver bangle with 6 chains clasped together to look like a cuff. Amazing $100. There are necklace variations here too.
• Love the black, sage and blue Missoni classic V-print knit pullover with a v-neck. It is gorgeous and on sale $295. Yes please. NB: It may have already left the building.
• Orson and Blake stock their own label so check out the beautiful camel belted leather jacket with a leather waist tie. The hems are not finished but it looks chic.
• There is a beautiful DVF black, yellow and green sheer dot print dress here. Please don’t do a Kate Moss. You will never look like her. Sorry. So please wear a slip underneath.
• Check out the TLWood rather gorgeous 1940’s inspired long black wool coat with an oversized roll collar and no shoulder seams. Divine.
• And rifle through the Kate Sylvester and Mad Courtes collections on sale ….
 
First Class
Paul and Joe
SALE SALE SALE Alert!!! It’s amazing in here and it’s all on SALE. Best buys include….
• The Paul and Joe famous black & white pixel ‘cat print’ on a large silk bomber jacket (pictured) is reduced to $549. Kooky but cute also in pink and black. Very London. Very 80’s.
• A gorgeous Pucci-like print silk short kaftan dress reduced to $599. In the pink, grey orange print or the green, grey black option. For this price you can buy them both.
• The beautiful silk/cotton woven fitted jacket with one button at the front and two semi-hidden pockets reduced to $599.
• LOVE the P&J ‘sister’ silk dress with bare shoulders and bat wing arms. The top half is blue with a black and white printed hem. $249.
• The most fashion forward of all the items? The white lace long sleeved blouse. It has a button front and a crisp starch lace collar. $299. Lace is a huge trend for next winter in Europe ( whatever The Guru Prada does; everyone follows) and lace will start appearing for summer here. Invest it in now and get ahead of the trends. That’s what The FiFi Report is here for. To help you get mileage from your wardrobe so you don’t waste your money on stupid buys that will not last a season ( unless they are under $50).
• Love, love, love the black patent thick heeled sandals here. Think Lou Lou De La Faise in the 70’s. $549. Think I want them.
• You must buy the black and white zebra print crepe-silk puss bow blouse (or short dress if you are a toddler ). The arms are cut wide: A little eccentric and beautiful. $369.
WILLOW
You want them. You need them. You can’t live without them. Thigh-high tan boots with a white lace up front. (left) $1500. Buy two. One for each foot. NB: if you see something sticking through the lace-up front like a stringed sausage maybe they are not for you. Also come in black.
• Check out the amazing antique gold lame fitted jacket with pockets and long sleeves $1595. Wear with jeans and a tee to dress it down. Don’t wear with a gold lame skirt or hot pants unless your name is Kerri Anne.
• Love the black wool twill casual short jacket with an asymmetrical gold zip up front and a high collar $819. This is a great buy for Sydney. You can wear it into the spring.
• Buy the gorgeous white 50’s style skirt here with lazer cut shapes all over. $300. Wear when making chocolate cake and playing with puppies.
• Snuggle into the grey thick knit, mohair oversized jumper $295. You could probably hide someone else in there too. Double snuggle trouble.
NB: Upstairs in the Paddington, Sydney store there are garments with up to 50% off…Thank you.
Vanessa Bruno:
We LOVE this store. (29 William Street, Paddington) Understated, yet quirky Parisian chic. Best buys include:
• Love the Purple silk sleeveless dress with a black and silver sporty zip front and pockets. $595.
• The black silk pants with an elasticised waist are a dream to wear. Soft, comfy with a stretch that allows for those fatty Arbuckle’s who have had too much Brie. $520
• Buy the oversized stretch cotton tops available in all colours and sizes: the perfect summer essentials. Wear over a bikini to the beach or with skinny ink jeans. Sexy.
• Love the V-front frill silk dress in black (pictured in red) which drapes beautifully on the body. There is a similar silk dress in lemon as well. Buy both. You won’t regret it.
• Check out the fabulous selection of shoes and bags here also. www.vanessabruno.com/

Strawberry Rhubarb Crumble….
A little comfort food for a cold winter’s night. Serve with cream for extra comfort. One word: Divine.

You need for 20 models, 10 starving fashionista or 6 Praying Pilgrims. Bless
A bunch of Rhubarb
A Punnet of strawberries
Squeeze of a Lemon or 2
about ½ cup sugar
1 to 2 teasp of Rose water
Crumble topping:
150g plain flour
80 gm of unsalted butter
80g brown sugar
2 tablespoons of ground almonds. Hint: Buy the whole almonds and whiz them; they are so much nicer than horrid almond meal
About 2 tabs of oats

• Climb out of bed.
• Climb into leisure suit.
• Heat oven to 190.
• Take the butter out of the fridge so that it softens up.
• Drink a coffee so your brain softens up.
• Chop the stalks of rhubarb in half. Crossways.
• Chop the strawberries in half. Delegate the task of de hulling . It’s very boring
• Throw the rhubarb, strawberries and sugar in a saucepan with a tiny little bit of water and a squeeze of a lemon.
• Pop the lid on and let them cook till they are just mushy. Don’t let them burn or boil. Add a little water if it gets too dry.
• Add more sugar if you need it.
• While the fruit is bubbling away you can make the crumble topping.
• Throw the almonds in the whizzer until they are almost ground. A few chunky bits is good. A bit like a hair cut.
• Throw the almonds in a bowl with the sifted flour (if you can be bothered sifting).
• Cut the butter up into small chunks and throw in with the almonds with the sugar and the oats.
• Check the rhubarb and strawberries and turn them off if they are cooked and mushy. It’s good idea to let it cool down a little if you are cooking this ahead of time.
• Add the rosewater to the strawbs. Taste it to see if you need more. Don’t burn your fingers.
• Rub the butter into the dry ingredients: think Beauty Flash Balm.
• Make sure that you keep some lumps because that’s what a crumble is all about. Lumps in the crumble, of course, does not lead to lumps on your bottom. Tell yourself that as you help yourself to another serving.
• Voila the crumble topping! Taste it and see.
• Now toss the divine ruby red rhubarb/strawbs in an oven dish and sprinkle over the exquisite crumble topping.
• Throw in the oven and cook till the crumble top is as beautiful and golden brown as Halle Berry.
• Serve with lashing of cream. Lashings.
• Accept all compliments from adoring fans.
• Eat the leftovers on toast for breakfast.