• "Can we have sex and then go shopping?" Britney Spears’s first line from her cameo on the CBS show called "How I Met Your Mother." This is called acting.
• "In junior high a boy poured water down my shirt and yelled, ‘Now maybe they’ll grow’." Pamela Anderson. Some people might even believe that.
• "He’s really big." Kimora Lee Simmons, on boyfriend Djimon Hounsou’s billboard ad. Throw water on him..and Kimora (Who needs shopping?)
• "I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm. My publicist has literally turned a funny color and is going to go have a lie-down. He’s throwing up now, as well." - Kate Beckinsale. She said that? smells very fishy.
• "Sometimes you just do really feel like an ATM machine with a wig on it." Mariah Carey …describing Pamela Anderson?
• "I respect knowledge of the psyche. I would be a therapist if I weren’t an entertainer." Jessica Simpson explains why therapy in Hollywood works so well
• "Boyfriends have to understand my needs. I shower four times a day." Anna Kournikova. Sex and then shopping..
• "I have missed the boat a lot with relationships. The thing is, more boats keep coming over the horizon." Owen Wilson needs a therapist. Sink or swim.
• "If he had asked me to make peanut-butter sandwiches for the catering, I would have said, ‘Crunchy or smooth?’ "Renée Zellweger on what she’d do to work with George Clooney. She’d do ANYTHING. Even eat. (Not sushi though).

What a fabulous idea from fashionista.com! “If it walks down a Dries van Noten runway, there’s a good chance we want it. Like, really really badly. The arm cuffs for Spring 08 were no exception. And since safety pins are a little more in our price range, we took to the craft store for this one..”

What You’ll Need:

• Size 0 Safety Pins (about 80 per bracelet)
• Beads (Bugle and Seed)
• Elastic Beading Cord (2 ft per bracelet)
• Pliers
• Any other Sequins, Trim, and Notions
• If you get lazy like us, add:
• Hot Glue Gun
• Elastic Band

What to do:
Make Safety Pin Bracelets and Stack

• String Beads on open safety pin.
• Close pin, and use pliers to pinch head closed.
• Fold 2 ft. elastic cord in half.
• String the first pin by threading one end of the elastic through the coil, and the other end through the head of the pin.
• String the second pin with the head in the opposite direction.
• Continue alternating head/pin side up.
• Slide pins away from fold, and cut elastic at the fold.
• Knot.
• Repeat.
• Stack.

Or if/when you feel the carpel tunnel setting in….
After one or two bracelets, glue beads to elastic band and fake it (won’t hold up as long).

This week The FiFi Report is Eco chic in honour of Earth Hour. We can all do something for Climate Change. Even the smallest thing can make a difference. Recyle your outfits and don’t wear anything twice. Or take major action and not shop for at least an hour… then head to label bassike (pronounced BASIC). Designed by Deborah Sams and Mary Lou Ryan (both ex-Ksubi) it is Australian-made basics. “The bassike aesthetic is fresh, clean and modern. Only the softest, finest organic cottons are used, making the pieces beautiful to wear”.
It’s time to do something for the world. Cut back on your dag emissions and start counting carbons instead of calories.
Bassike is available at www.bassike.com

Is your hair feeling sapped of life? Does it look like it needs a week in rehab? It’s time to jet over to Iceland and smother on some earthy, green Moss. Or save the airfare and the frightening concept of trekking in glaciers and breaking nails and try Aveda’s fabulous Sap Moss shampoo instead. It has that gorgeous Aveda smell even after your blow dry. It leaves your hair gorgeously squeaky clean and soft. They say it has a “blended an array of sap with moisture-rich Iceland moss — used for centuries in the Arctic for healing treatments — to create a nourishing shampoo that gently restores health to your hair”. I say shampoo with this. Then go to for a relaxing week in rehab. You’ll look fabulous.

Aveda Sap Moss Shampoo $25 for 125ml from Aveda.

• “During hectic Fashion Weeks, the shows turn into zoos, with editors clawing their way to seats and publicists grunting at the top of their lungs. Now magazines take a walk on the wild side”…Reports nymag.com. Photo: French Vogue, Italian Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar.
• This is a cool magazine for men with Tom Ford on the cover… www.fantasticmanmagazine.com
• Read about Miuccia Prada as an Art Patron the Art Issue of the New York Times Magazine: www.nytimes.com
• Love these Videos from W magazine of Karen Elson in New Orleans… www.wmagazine.com
• Read a fascinating article on Calvin Klein in Vanity Fair and see the video: www.vanityfair.com
• Want to know how to walk like a model? Jessica Stam will show yo how…
• online.wsj.com
• Rumor has it Stefano Pilati chose Naomi Campbell for Yves Saint Laurent’s fall ad campaign and that she was recently photographed in Paris by Ines van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin reports WWD.
• Speculation is heating up in Europe that Phoebe Philo, out of the spotlight since she exited Chloé two years ago, is hungry for a deal that would get her back in the fashion game. Sources said the London-based designer has recently been in talks with LVMH about a collaboration, possibly a signature collection or a design role at Celine. Reports WWD.
• “These days, if you’re anybody in the media or fashion mafia in New York, you’re probably dining at Bar Blanc (pictured above), the uber chic, all-white West Village eaterie that opened in December…” reports W magazine.
• Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman who tied the knot with Movie Mogul Harvey Weinstein last December, is busy putting together a capsule Marchesa bridal collection, to be launched next month…reports Vogue UK
• ‘Kylie Minogue is the latest pop icon who will take to the stage in Jean Paul Gaultier couture. Gaultier will create all her looks for the "KylieX2008" European tour, which kicks off in Paris May 6, and winds up in London in August. Giving her latest outing a distinct French accent, she also posed for photographers Pierre & Gilles for her tour program’..reports WWD
• ‘Frank Gehry, the celebrated architect, is the latest architect to put his spin on London’s Serpentine Gallery’s annual summer pavilion project. Past creators have included Zaha Hadid and Rem Koolhaas. Gehry has designed a jagged, timber construction, a chaotic web of wood, metal and glass spliced together..reports WWD
• ‘Designers Azzedine Alaïa and Gilles Dufour are among the latest fashion folk to be decorated with France’s Legion of Honor. They were named chevaliers in the government’s traditional Easter promotions. Lee Radziwill also was made a chevalier in the honor system that was founded by Napoléon Bonaparte’..reports WWD

www.blackle.com
A google screen that’s black! . It saves energy (531,097.491 Watt hours saved) and looks chic too.

www.earthhour.org
Earth Hour is on 29 March 2008 at 8pm. Sydney, Chicago, Tel Aviv, Manila, Copenhagen, Melbourne, Brisbane and Toronto are all turning off their lights for an hour in the name of fighting global warming.

• Soon-to-retire model Kate Moss is on the cover of April’s issue of French Vogue, for the second time in months.
• “Unlucky Heather Mills, the ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, may have acquired large amounts of money recently but she has been left legless once again. Heather was first alerted to the woodworm infestation when she noticed sawdust on the floor whenever she took a step. The local residents are used to seeing Heather Mills hopping mad and legless but this really takes the biscuit.”It is good that she is getting her leg treated for woodworm because her brain needs treatment for dry rot. It has been a nightmare cleaning up after her every move. I have to follow her around with a bloody dustpan and brush," a disgruntled cleaner at Heather’s £3 million estate” reports the satirical site The Daily Squib
• As French President Nicholas Sarkozy and his wife, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, prepare to land in London today on a state visit, Sarko fever is gripping the British capital. This being Britain, papers are chattering about her racy past — "She boasts at least one British knight, Sir Mick Jagger, among her past conquests," crowed The Daily Telegraph on Tuesday…reports WWD
• Priscilla Presley’s face has left many plastic surgeons scratchingtheir heads and saying "Wow, what a monkey" Priscilla claims she was the targetof a scam artist . Instead of high-poweredBotox he used was commercial grade lubricant used for automobiles’ reportsthesuperficial…
• ‘Robin William’s wife of 19 years, Marcia Garces Williams, filed for divorce last week citing "irreconcilable differences." That’s lawyer talk for, if she heard one more white rapper impersonation, she was going to circumcise Robin with a toaster oven’…reportsthesuperficial
• Kylie Minogue is to be dating former flame and married man Alexander Dahn.
• "Paris Hilton is back in Africa for another photoshoot to promote her new caring persona. When she’s not flashing on Sunset Boulevard or indulging in coke binges in dark LA nightclubs, Paris Hilton likes to attend photoshoots (pictured left) to promote her new improved image of caring. The ex-convict airhead’s PR people have been working hard promoting their fake protege’s new persona" reports thedailysquib.
• "April Fool’s Day is still a week away, but someone in Italy (where they don’t even have April Fool’s Day) must have been in the mood for a prank. A mysterious firm sent out an e-mail proclaiming that George Clooney was launching a men’s and women’s fashion brand. Problem is, "this is a hoax," said Clooney."
• People.com hit an all-time high of four million daily unique visitors who viewed the first picture of babies Max and Emme online from the magazine’s exclusive photo shoot with Lopez and husband Marc Anthony.
• Is Fergie pregnant? (pictured left).
• Are The Kills’ Jamie Hince and model Kate Moss are engaged?
• Are Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish having a baby?
• Has Jessica Simpson dumped Tony Romo for a new guy?
• Was Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon ever married?
• Who knows? Who cares?

Green Is the New Black by Tamsin Blanchard
‘For girls who care about global warming, and next season`s hot looks, Green is the New Black is a must-have accessory. Does our shopping addiction contribute to climate change? What`s so special about organic cotton? Who are the real fashion victims behind the $2 jeans? From the truth about fast fashion to the best biodegradable shoes, from guilt-free spending sprees to the joys of swishing parties, Tamsin Blanchard is your guide to all things fairtrade and fabulous. She explains the principles of ethical fashion, from why it matters to how to do it. Offers tips for the aspiring green goddess: including how to knit your own scarf, seduction in eco-couture, the best places to shop for vintage sunglasses, and ethical bling. Don`t go shopping without it.’
£14 www.amazon.co.uk Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton General (30 Aug 2007)

The Christmas List
Eco-chic: The Fashion Paradox by Sandy Black
“Fashion and environmental awareness are two concerns that do not comfortably sit side by side. Over the past ten years, high street fashion, led by global chains, has become ever more affordable and disposable. Leading academic Sandy Black examines the way the fashion industry is changing to accommodate the environmental concerns of the twenty first century. Using case studies of designers from the catwalks and the high street, including Katherine Hamnett, and Marks and Spencer the book illustrates how ethical fashion has moved on from its traditional connotations of hemp shirts and rope sandals.
$26 www.amazon.com Publisher: Black Dog Publishing (April 15, 2008)

Economy Class
General Pants:
This season it’s all about hosiery that’s textured, coloured and a little interesting. (see Burberry left). For those who have no cellulite - or or think they have no cellulite- you must have the ‘Agent 99’ black wet-look leggings; $39. Also in silver for those feeling very mod. Or try ‘The Casette Society’ black wet look leggings that are horizontally ribbed all over $79. Snazzy. Love the chic little ‘Agent 99’ black classic rain trench $139. Check out the ‘Don’t ask Amanda’ cropped long sleeved knit in black $79. Please don’t ask her. She gets grumpy. Buy the ‘Alice in the Eve’ black leather biker jacket $249. As you know the biker jacket is hot. Wear it over pretty things so you don’t look like Cher. Wear it with chic grey so you don’t look like a dykie bikie. Love the Lee black long sleeved bat-wing dress $89. Wear it with converse white hi-tops $79 for that cool Erin Wasson model look. For a great casual basic you want the longline hoodie. Buy the Lee dark blue ‘sweater dress’ $109. Then try all the jeans on here til you find one that fits. Then buy 2 pairs.
Target:
I’ll let you in on a FiFi inside scoop: It’s tres chic here this winter. Shhh don’t tell anyone. Hint: after purchasing anything from Target pull the label and tell everyone it’s vintage. But don’t sit there twiddling your manicured fingers waiting for the Zac Posen collection (arriving on April 3) head here and start shopping. Start with Burberry inspired black stiff jeans with studs on the pocket $49; the divine silver and grey wool bomber jacket $59 or try the black leather bomber for a cool look $149. You must have the man style pleated wide grey pants $44 and the silver sleeveless metallic top $34. Is it legal for things to be so cheap but chic? Buy the grey fitted trench because it is a great cut and only $69. Then with all the money you have saved head to Cosmopolitan Shoes  and buy yourself a the YSL Downtown tote (Left) and you thought it was from Target. Sorry. Check out the ‘Limited Editions’ range: Perfectly made, top-stitched and finished in high-quality fabrics. Love the silk and wool blend knitted shrug top in oatmeal or grey $69. Run over and check out the chic black silk dress with a perfect pin tuck neck $79. Outrageous There are also fabulous grey wool shorts with a drawstring pleated front and top stitched hem $59. Buy your opaque tights here for $6.99 in all the cool colours of this season. Fabulous.
Diva:
You want a big fat oversized ring this season. An item du jour in The FiFi Report years ago they have now filtered down here to cheap but chic jewellery central. The best picks? Try the gold chunky ring with black diamantes on the side and a big black jewell stone $19.95; the gold chunky ring with many gold diamante specks $24.95 or try ther funky plain silver rock jewell ring $12.95. Check out the Barberella esque cuffs in belted gold or silver $12.95; the faceted stone bangle that clamps around the wrist like severe hardware $14.95 and the black bead and chain knot necklace $16.95. Wear pearls a la Chanel for an outrageous $9.95 for the necklace or buy the pearl ring $9.95. Sorry they are not real. If you want studs then you shall have them. Buy the Large crystal stud earrings for $12. Divine. Don’t forget the Marni inspired necklaces with Perspex bits and pieces for $16.95. ( see our marni inspiration shot below)
Kookai:
We love Kookai. You can’t go past their lovely winter basics and great cheap but chic finds. And if you do go past I insist you turn around and go back. We all need basics. Love the huge range of fine wool knit tops in so many fab colours and styles from turtle necks to V-necks. Great for layering in winter, prices start from $49. Adore the longline cardigan in grey (also available in brown) $129 and the sexy singlet style knit dress in black $109. Check out the wet look ‘art deco’ dress which is in a boxy 20’s shape ( very similar to the Marni dress pictured) $249. You want their funky version of a classic trench; It’s a black trench that does up at the front but drops at the waist with a pleated skirt $269 and very cute. You must buy the black crop leather jacket $349 – functional AND fashion.. it keeps you warm and looking good. Whatever will they think of next? Love the thick wool shrug in grey with a Scottish pin fastening at the front $149 and the gorgeous satin ballet slippers in grey or black with subtle diamantes $139. The platform black matte and patent leather ankle bootie will razz up any look $229. Buy the patent black large clutch with a huge round clasp $129 and the patent flat black leather boot (finishes just under the knee): THE one and only solution to a winter wardrobe pick me up $349.
Wittner Shoes:
I spy a new arrival of winter heels. Thank the Lord. Love the black patent and metallic surreal wedge that has a t-bar front and plated platform in black or red $159; the platform pump in creased black leather $159 (or regular black leather $149) and the fabulous ice skating-like lace up booties in vintage caramel or brown leather. So very Marc Jacobs (left) and perfect for the Autumn-Winter $159. Wear with a skating skirt and a cute little fitted jacket. Love the peep toe, black faux snake-skin leather heel which is also available in a glam Bronze $169. You will notice I am wearing these shoes on many occasions. They are very high but I don’t toddle (except when drunk) but run around like a true fashionista. They are so comfortable. ( botox in the foot is a must). Love the satin platforms with a crossover front and closed toe. Very YSL in black or rust satin $169.
Bettina Liano:
It’s all very chambray, blue, black and white here. How fresh. So steer clear of anything too boudoir. It can be scary. I don’t want any FiFi readers scared. Makes the botox work over time. All that frowning. So smile and try the dark denim vest with a biker neck for a bit of vamp $245. It’s all happening in New York high street but this is the first sighting here: Ombre skinny jeans…. From black to white dip $245. If you don’t want jeans go for the navy ombre dipped mini skirt $145 or the long sleeved ombre navy tee $295. Love the cotton bell sleeved wide fitting top with a subtle bow on the front in white or blue chambray $235 and the navy box sleeved tee $125. Chic. Try wearing it under the grey/blue deep V-necked dress with ruching down the side $220. There’s a fab little shift dress in a black and white geometric print $345 or the more classic navy shift dress with white piping $360. If you want something a little left of field and a little kitsch then check out the jersey long sleeved tee with a white beaded bustier print on the front $145.
Business Class
Blood Orange:
This is such a fabulous little boutique: Check out the Therese Rawstone collection: Love the slightly transparent black silk print sleeveless dress that is in a boxy shape and drops from the waist $615. (Also in fuchsia with black print).Wear it in winter layered over knits and Tees with black opaques and chunky heels. The Therese Rawstone white cotton top with a large bow on the front is cute $258 and so is the black cotton knit skivvy (also comes in olive) with tabs at the shoulder $231. Adore the gold short patchwork tunic made from a heavy doubled silk $465 and the Fillippa K wet look singlet dress $410 in black or beautiful bottle green (pictured in brown). There are many jumpers and knits here: check out the Gary Birgini black thick pullover $305 ; the Jack & Jac grey cable knit $375 or APC’s fabulous brown textured woollen knit $375. Lover, Ellery, APC (Paris), Heimstone (Paris) and To Sir With Love are all arriving instore in the next few weeks. Delicious.
Scanlan and Theodore:
There is to be no discussion: this is THE Australian designer label. Please pack your lunch and 3 credit cards. Then sell your car, and your mother in law and head straight here. Too many gorgeous clothes to mention. Adore the strappy A-line dress made out of a thick matte metallic wool with an ostrich feather hem. Very Chanel and absolutely divine. Drool over it in black or white $1,200. Buy the caramel or black lapin (rabbit; don’t worry Easter is over) knit stole which is very long and wide (and a great price) $400. The wool short jackets are divine and oh so luxurious with Mink fur collar and cuffs. $1,200. Dribble over the beautiful dress in gold lame with black trim and then buy the Christian Louboutin platforms or shoe booties. For a more relaxed luxe look wear the jersey wool stretch long sleeved dress in grey or black $400 or the beautiful cable knit thick woollen longline jumper $400 (available in lemon yellow or classic cream). The most beautiful piece here? The caramel and red feather stole. You can wear it tossed around the shoulders or around the waist (the brown and red feathers are attached to a black band). $1,200. TIP: In Melbourne check out the sale store in The GPO. So many great pieces, so little time…
First Class
Belinda Shoe Salon:
I see a few Repetto ballet flats shoes on sale now half price about $195. Thank you Belinda. Other pieces to buy include the fab Miu Miu white patent tote (in red too), the Marc Jacobs black quilted Stam bag ablout $2500; the big black Miu Miu ruched bag about $2200 with zips on the side and the divine black leather pleated Miu Miu one strap shoulder bag $1800. There are gorgeous Pierre Hardy heels and the Camel Miu Miu lady like bag about $1800. In the shoes you want the Prada black patent ballet flats; the ombre brown patent point heels and the Marni chunky heels. Fabulous.
Evelyn Miles:
So many new bags. So many new shoes. In the bags you want the Miu Miu cream quilted oversized bag about $2000; the grey patent lady- like Anya Hindmarsh bags with gold zips about $2000; and the Anya Hindmarsh grey shoulder bag. Love the Miu Miu black leather 2 handle tote that is very similar to the YSL muse bag about $1800 in cream too. Then buy the Miu Mui black patent lady-like 2 handle structured bag with gold hardware. In the shoes you still want the Marc Jacobs lace up shoe boots in grey with round toes and round heels; the Prada black trainers for the weekend and the Robert Clergerie lace up black suede wedge so you can tower over everyone and pat their heads.$898 Buy the Prada black patent round toe flats with a silver disc detail on the toe $648 so you can shop for hours on end without pain ( except to your credit card) and the Miu Miu pumps in a burgundy with a round toe and a chunky heel $598. Love the Miu miu cream flats and the Prada black heels with fairy heel. A little fantasy in the day is all we need.
Ondene:

I love the cashmere knits and throws here from Barbat and Suhr. Divine zip front cardigans in chic grey and oatmeal $345.
Marni
I love this store. It’s the new Mothership. For everyone. I have never seen a label copied by so many brands (High st and otherwise)and it’s great to go back to the original source and drool over the quality, workmanship and divine fabrics. Now for the good news: there is a rack of winter pieces that are now 50% off . Please pick yourself up from the floor; You’‘ll get dirt on your Marni jacket. Instead race down to Double Bay and buy the classic black pants now $475; the classic grey pants and the knits. I see tops for about $300 and some gorgeous dresses and more! In the Cruise collection you must have the chicest low-key luxe grey or oatmeal cardigan, v neck and long $1500; and the cotton poplin watermelon backless and sleeveless dress. If you love colour and print but not keen on too many florals you will love the fabulous virtual print dress in a futuristic style stripe. $1500. Buy the divine sleeveless cotton poplin greyblack rose print dress $1900 and multi pleat dress in lot of gorgeous blues $1600. The black opera coat in techno gaberdine with an elastised neckline $1900 is gorgeous and so is the burgundy print cherry red tunic dress $1200. Love the orange wallet , so easy to find in a big black hole of a handbag $375; the green patent bag $1200 and the shoes and, of course, the necklaces (see photo).

Date Breakfast Muffins
Never eat breakfast? Hate making muesli? Or just need something to soak up the caffeine? These Date Muffins are for you (or anyone who loves a muffin top but doesn’t want to wear one…).
For 40 models, 12 hungry kids, or 15 fashionistas for a week you need:

1 cup unprocessed bran
1/2 cup ground linseeds
1 1/2 cups wholemeal self-raising flour
1 teaspoon mixed spice
1 1/2 cups chopped pitted dates
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 egg, lightly beaten
3 tablespoons canola oil
1/3 cup golden syrup or honey
1 1/2 cups soy or dairy milk or try buttermilk

• Drink a strong coffee.
• Apply Crème de la Mer eye cream.
• Drink another strong coffee.
• Wake up.
• Preheat oven to about 180.
• Do not put head in.
• Swallow 2 aspro.
• Find a bowl.
• Roughly chop dates. Think about ex boyfriend/husband/dog.
• Chop a little more roughly (watch manicure.)
• Throw in the bowl; the bran, ground linseeds, flour, spice, dates and sugar.
• Find another bowl.
• Have another coffee.
• Throw in the egg and give it a light little beating. Think black Amex yesterday.
• Mix the egg with the oil, the golden syrup and milk.
• Now pour the wet ingredients into dry ingredients. Think face mask.
• Mix it all gently together.
• Now moisterise a muffin tin with lashings of unsalted butter.
• Pour goo into muffin tray
• Throw muffins in the oven and cook for about 20 mins until you have the muffin tops you want.
• Apply your own facemask/meditate/yoga/and then medicate.
• Serve warm with lashings of butter to guarantee your very own wearable muffin top.
• Delicious.