• "There’s a hormone that kicks in about two weeks before you’re due to give birth—the I-don’t-give-a-shit hormone. I had no interest in the collection. I just wanted to sit around and clean out the cupboards." Fashion Designer Karen Walker at New York Fashion week to WWD 6 weeks after giving birth.
• "Well, maybe compared to yours. Mine always showed up to custody hearings and rarely did she show her vagina to the press." Jimmy Kimmel, responding to Paris Hilton’s comment that Britney Spears is a "great mother,". Too much I don’t give a shit hormone?
• "I think initially Denzel [Washington] would be the choice but somebodypointed out, with my ears, it might have to be Will Smith." BarackObama, when asked who should play him in a movie.
• "Not much. A pen, a Metrocard and a cyanide capsule in case I see something suicide-inducing." Simon Doonan (from Barneys) when asked what is in his bag at the fashion shows in New York.
• "There are men in suits. There are men in dresses. There are allsorts." Victoria Beckham, on who’s in the audience at Spice Girlsconcerts. Fembots?.
• "(Johansson) is so beautiful and so sexy and so gifted… she can do anything, but she has to make the right choices of films and she’s got to not go the Page Six party route. I don’t want to read about her in the paper with this boyfriend or that boyfriend, or in rehab or taking pills” -Woody Allen. (No cyanide for you).
• "I am engaged… to Barack Obama. My heart belongs to Barack, and that is who I am currently, finally, engaged to." Scarlett Johansson, when asked if she’s engaged to Ryan Reynolds” Too late Woody.
• "I’m psyched for the Gucci thing. I have not seen Madge (picture left) in the flesh for a while. She has started to look like Virna Lisi (pictured far left) — this is a good thing” Simon Doonan on seeing Madonna at the Gucci party.

Here’s the problem: You look at your ideal Valentine’s Day list (see Item du Jour.) You tick every box. You already have everything on the list. Your darling boyfriend/lover/husband gives you all these divine gifts all through the year. Problem? You are either delusional or on drugs. Seek help (see item 6) or face the fact that you can be happy on Valentine’s Day with just a big smooch from George Clooney and the chicest little card from kikki-K.

Valentines Heart Shaped Card $2.25 from kikki-K.

Worried that your darling husband/boyfriend/lover/ has no idea about Valentines Day? Worried that your darling husband/boyfriend/lover has no taste? Relax. Your dreams will come true. We make life easy for you at The FiFi Report.
Here are the instructions:

• Print out this list.
• Leave it lying around the house. Hint: Inside the sport section of the paper
• Make appointment for botox
• Wake up on the 14th February Smiling.

1. Lingerie from Agent Provocateur lingerie at www.agentprovocateur.com or La Perla from www.imimports.com.au
2. Grandiflora Valentines roses from www.grandiflora.net
3. Elsa Peretti Heart Box in sterling silver from Tiffany and Co
4. Rose and Lemon Turkish Delight $19 from simonjohnson.com.au
5. Dom Perignon Champagne from www.vintagecellars.com.au
6. A week in rehab. (Optional)

How to get your lips fit for Valentine’s Day:

• Try a few warm up exercises kissing the cat.
• Remove stray whiskers stuck to lip gloss.
• Relax your lips. Do not talk for an hour.
• This may be difficult for some. Grab latest Vogue and bottle of wine.
• Apply Philosophy Kiss Me Exfoliating Lip Scrub. To you. Not the cat. “Enriched with natural butters and oils, it was created to help keep your lips in impeccable kissing condition by exfoliating dull, dry, flaky skin for a super-soft, super-smooth result. Kiss Me Exfoliating Lip Scrub is ideal for anyone with dry, flaky lips that seeks smoothness and moisture.” And a big smooch.

$32 Philosophy Kiss Me Exfoliating Lip Scrub from Mecca Cosmetica.

• Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue celebrates 14 years of Annis Leibovitz (above).
• ‘Trembled Blossoms, the animated movie short that marks the culmination of the creative process surrounding Miuccia Prada’s whimsical spring/summer 2008 collection, made its big-screen debut at the label’s Broadway flagship store in New York.’ View it at www.prada.com reports WWD
• ‘Kylie Minogue is no stranger to the fashion world - launching her own-name range of home furnishings - which werecreated with the help of her stylist and confidante, William Baker - atWest London’s Ladbroke Hall.’ Vogue.co.uk
• ‘Marc Jacobs International is caught up in a bribery scandal involvingits favorite show space, the 69th Regiment Armory - and is the subjectof a criminal investigation as a result. The formersuperintendent hasbeen indicted on charges of demanding more than $30,000 to allow thespace to be used by the designer and for other events. Marc JacobsInternational allegedly made payoffs to Jackson through the designer’spublic relations’. WWD.
• ‘Eva Mendes has been named as the face of an as-yetunnamed new Calvin Klein fragrance, tolaunch this autumn’. After her stint in rehab.
• ‘George Gorrow doesn’t want you to know about his bar. But that didn’t stop him and his Ksubi co-founder, Dan Single, (pictured left) from inviting 100 or so of their closest friends to "a couple rooms below a restaurant." "For bureaucratic reasons, we can’t call it a bar yet," Gorrow explained. "So, basically, we just told everyone to come hang out in this unfinished, empty space we have. That’s why we can’t tell anyone the name of the place yet, either. Having a name makes it official." "Who wouldn’t want a bar in New York City?" he countered, taking a moment to indulge a "Cheers" fantasy. The as-yet-unnamed Ksubi bar opens in March" reports style.com.
• ‘The NY Department of Transportation has teamed up with DKNY to unleash 75 hyper-orangecruisers (pictured below right) around the city to raise awareness for non-gas-guzzlingmethods of transport dureing Fashion Week. (No doubt someone was inspired by Paris’sinsanely successful Velib public bike brigade.) Bafflingly, the bikeswill all be chained up and not available for actual riding, so the bestyou can do is take note of them as you drive by in your stretch Hummerlimo on the way to the Meatpacking District’ reports dailycandy.

www.vd.meish.org
"Valentine’s Day is like herpes: just when you think it’s gone for good, it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD. Yes, it’s that special time of year when chocolate manufacturers and greetings card companies encourage you to demonstrate the extent of your fondness in cold, hard, cash (or the satin-covered equivalent) on February 14th. This year, celebrate or commiserate by sending an anti-valentine. Stick two fingers (or one, if you’re that way culturally inclined) at any organisation with a vested interest which prescribes how and when to show your feelings. This year, don’t say it with flowers: say it with bile." …Charmingly funny

www.mbfashionweek.com
All you need to know about New York Fashion Week….

• Shocking breaking News: Anna Wintour wears the same clothes twice, twice (above).
• Kirsten Dunst has entered rehab.
• Eva Mendes has gone to rehab.
• Amy Winehouse lives in rehab.
• Amy Winehouse won’t be performing at the Grammys . The U.S. Embassy turned down her request for a Visa, apparently the U.S. feel that they don’t need another manic celebrity on the loose terrorizing the countryside. reports the superficial.
• The latest Britney news from Thedailysquib…
• "Britney Spears is loose on the streets of Los Angeles once again (pictured below). The LAPD, Texas Rangers, SWAT, Navy Seals and Canadian Mounties have all joined the search for Britney Spears after she escaped through a tiny window in the maximum security mental wing of the UCLA hospital where she was being held. Fernando Rodriguez, one of the hospital attendants, told the Daily Squib, "We don’t know what time she escaped, but it was between her meds - between 4 and 5 in the morning. Oh lord! If she don’t take her meds it ain’t gonna be pretty y’all." California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has called for a code Red Alert situation and is under mounting pressure to call in more state troopers from neighbouring states to calm the situation.’
• ‘Just when you thought it could not get any worse, photographs by the paparazzi of Britney having an orgy at her mansion with paparazzi have surfaced’
• ‘Britney Spears- the ailing autotune celebrity- has been ordered by the Catholic church and her keepers to undergo an exorcism. The once-in-a-lifetime experience will be filmed live on MTV and broadcast all over the world. Pope Benedict himself has intervened on this sensitive matter and has ordered his chief exorcist to complete the harrowing task of casting out the devil and satan’s demons from Britney. reports the dailysquib.

• Dita Von Teese put a sharp weapon through airport security (above left) reports jezebel.com
• ‘Just one more injection and Rachel Zoe will be an Olsen (second above). NYmag
• ‘George W Bush the Supreme Commander in Chief of the United States is running for a third term in office. He was spotted campaigning amongst the other candidates at the New Hampshire Caucus. Someone needs to tell George W Bush that he cannot run for a third term in office but no one has the gumption to break the news to the ailing alcoholic President.’reports thedailysquib
• John Mayer is actually Borat (pictured third above).
• Kylie Minogue is not back together with Olivier Martinez. She had dinner with him. No kissing.
• The McCann family McSpinner publicist has released another sketch of the Madeleine suspect (pictured fourth above) reports thedailysquib.

This Is for You (Hardcover) by Rob Ryan (Author)
‘Rob Ryan’s magical paper-cuts and screenprints have been used by designer Paul Smith, appeared on a Vogue model and graced book covers such as  ‘The Book of Lost Things’ by John Connolly, and The World to Come by Dara Horn.
This is for You is a magical, romantic and touching story of thoughts and dreams, loneliness and longing, the personal and the universal. Each page has been cut out of paper using a scalpel, sprayed and photographed. ‘ Divine.
$35 www.borders.com.au Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton (October 4, 2007)

The Christmas List:
Four Letter Word: Invented Correspondence from the Edge of Modern Romance by Joshua Knelman , Rosalind Porter
“Let us begin this letter, this prelude to an encounter, formally, as a declaration, in the old-fashioned way: I love you. You do not know me (although you have seen me, smiled at me). I know you (although not so well as I would like. I want to be there when your eyes flutter open in the morning, and you see me, and you smile. Surely this would be paradise enough?). So I do declare myself to you now, with pen set to paper. I declare it again: I love you.”
Is there any communication more potent than the love letter? Is there any charge greater than seeing those words on paper? The editors of this collection decided to ask some of the most important writers of our time to compose a fictional love letter - breathing new life into a forgotten custom, and affording words themselves the power of seduction that they richly deserve. The result is an iridescent picture of what love looks like in the twenty-first century. Each letter is radically different from the others, and all but one are published for the first time. A perfect gift, this book is also an ingenious showcase for many of our most beloved writers’ Lovely.
$32.95 www.amazon.com Publisher: Free Press (January 8, 2008) Random House.

Back to Work Shopping Spectacular!
Everything you need to know about looking chic at the office…

WHAT: The Sheath Dress (Lanvin Fall 07 RTW)
WHICH: Look for a more slim line tailored shape. Ditch the loose sack dress from last season. (or belt it in). You want a dress that’s sleeveless: very trans-seasonal. You want something that skims but doesn’t cling. No scoop necklines please – so aging. Go for the higher neckline; it’s chic. Go for understated black, grey or cream. Go for bright colours if you can carry it off. Keep it knee length: No mini unless you want a promotion.
WHY: Because it’s the season of the dress. Because it’s so right for wearing right now while it’s hot. Because you can keep wearing into winter and next summer. Because a dress makes it so easy to get ready in the morning. It’s effortless. Because you can wear it going out with George Clooney straight from the office. And still look sexy.
WEAR: With opaque hose and heels. Under a trenchcoat. With piles of beads for evening. With your new shoulder bag. Hate your fat arms? Throw a dress over a black sheer long sleeve Tee from Mettalicus or a knit. Don’t layer it over a puff sleeve blouse or you will end up looking like Heidi. Or worse. Like last season.
WHERE:
Economy: Head to Witchery for a cute A- line grey or black dress with side pockets $129; Cue for a cute grey or black cap sleeve dress $179 with press studs on patch pockets. Try Kookai for the deep V black lace and jersey sheath dress $109 and
Sportscraft $239 tweed cap sleeve sheath dress.
Business Class: Go straight to Scanlan and Theodore and do not come out. The best dresses are there from $300 upwards. Check out the Loeffler Randall at Christensen Copenhagen for a black lace silk-satin truffle dress on sale $358. Veronika Maine for classic sheath dress about $279; Country Road for a lot of fab dresses with great detail.
First Class: Lanvin at David Jones for a divine black sheath dress with a drape back about $3500. Buy two. Try Roland Mouret at Net-a-porter. Head to Belinda for a Catherine Maladrino cap sleeve silk dress with waist tie and structured frame $695, or a Miu Miu black silk panneled dress with capped sleeves $1,595. Buy the Marni black sheath dress in a t-shirt cut with a maroon hem and white sleeves $1,295.

WHAT : The Bag (Marc Jacobs Fall 07 RTW)
WHICH: The shoulder bag is back. Go for a square shape with one shoulder strap. Think 70’s. Think smaller. Think how fabulous it will look hanging off your shoulder. Think patent, moc croc, suede and go for a bit of hardware. It’s about the statement bag. Keep your clothes for work chic and simple and go for fun in the accessories department.
WHY: Because over sized bags are slowly looking a little tired. Time for a snooze. An oversized clutch and shoulder bags both look new. Because it’s the perfect size for work (just the right size for sneaking in a Vogue for surreptitious reading under the desk). Because the clutch is already sitting in the front row of NYFW. Because your physio will thank you. No more lugging around your huge Birkin.
WEAR: Don’t worry about matching the bag to the outfit. Throw on a brown bag with black, a navy bag with black, a red bag to brighten things up. Repeat after me "I do not need to match my shoes and bags”.
WHERE:
Economy class: Head to Esprit for a fabulous large black tote with gold zippers ‘the ‘fancy shopper bag’ $129.95, or a grey A4 sized man-like tote with a shoulder strap $69.95 in faux grey leather. Sportsgirl for cute clutch bags and Nine West for very Jimmy Choo inspired patent clutch bags $79. Country Road for fabulous and very small clutch bags $79.
Business Class: Myer for a fabulous Cacharel navy patent shouler bag $799. Check out Coach in QVB for a white shoulder bag with chanel style strap about $900; Go to Christensen Copenhagen for a Marlene Birger black bag with silver and gold clasps on sale $497. Try Oroton for a fab red patent bag about $495 with silver zip and outside pocket details; Mimco for a very Dior grey saddle bag about $399, Gary Castles gold rectangle deluxe clutch with a diamonte clasp. Very Scarface $649.
First Class: Head to David Jones for the Marc Jacobs shoulder bags (seen in the photo) with art deco clasp : divine about $2900. Yes please! Or head to Prada, Balenciagia, or Marni. With your mastercard yelling to escape.

WHAT: The Blazer (Balenciaga Fall 07 RTW)
WHICH: Tailoring is back. It’s all about a more structured look and a more defined silhouette. There are a few varieties of jackets to look for: School boy style a la Balenciaga, with brass buttons and some kind of trim; a sleeveless jacket a la YSL ( perfect for this weather). Try a double breasted style a la Prada or a fabulous smoking jacket for evening a la YSL. Or get into the menswear inspired look with a trouser suit What do they all have in common? Shoulder pads. Don’t make that face. Put on a jacket and watch your waist shrink. I rest my case.
WHY: Because it’s time to au revoir to the looser shapes. Because Prada and Balenciaga are never wrong. Because a jacket – and a trousersui t- are so perfect for work. Because tailoring will help anyone who wants to put their cellulite back into some sort of shape.
WEAR: With Chinos for a more relaxed look, with a pencil skirt for a sexy look, over a white Tee for a fresh look. Try it with a floaty skirt or a pencil skirt. Wear a jacket as aprt of a trouser suits but always with statement heels. Always heels. You want a feminine edge.
WHERE:
Economy Class: Check out Esprit black for a casual blazer with leather belt at the waist and side pockets $149, Kookai for an amazing cropped Kennedy leather jacket in black $299. Head to MNG ( On Sale!) for the very YSL esque cut black sharp jacket for $64! Or a black jacket with ticking detail on the pockets and waist $159. Cue have a cute black cotton school boy blazer about $179
Business Class: Head straight to Scanlan and Theodore for a divine Navy (or is it black?) fitted blazer $800; Saba for a black wool one button blazer $399 or a two button black wool-mix blazer with black self stripe $399. Check out Arthur Gallen for a grey tailored jacket on sale $149. Try Marcs for suits jackets and of course Country Road.
First Class: Burberry, Hugo Boss, Balenciagia, YSL or Stella McCartney, Marni, Prada.

WHAT: The Blouse or Top (Marni Fall 07 RTW)
WHICH : What to wear with your skirts and pants to the office this season? Rule #1. Please keep away from those boring short sleeve shirts. There are much more interesting tops to choose from. Try a pretty blouse, a simple shell top or a sophisticated drape top. Go for an interesting fabric: shine, shimmer, or plastic but simple shape. Look for poet’s sleeves, big cuffs or drape necklines.
WHY: Because a fabulous top give you a chance to do something exciting. Keep your jackets and pants work appropriate and then razz it up with a top in a great colour or fabric.Because it’s hot outside and a pretty blouse or shell top will take you right through to winter. Remember it’s all about table top top dressing. Keep the bottom plain and the top attention seeking.
WEAR: Break up the black and grey with a top that people will look at. Think 3 colours on the body. 2 colours is too matching, 4 is too many.
WHERE
Economy Class: Head to Witchery for a great selection of tops from a pleated cami top $119 in cement to pretty blouses. Checkout Kookai for gorgeous white silk trimmed blouse called ‘french melody $119 or a silk and knitted cream (or grey) sunshine knit blouse with panelled front $129. Go to MNG for a black or white puff long sleeve blouse with pin tucks $129 or a fab NG brown and yellow floral print chiffon blouse with long sleeves $119. Go to Cue for a fabulous selction of blouse and tops.
Business Class: Head to Country Road for the fab black wet look drape Tee $149 and other cute tops. Try Saba for a white blouse with pleats at the front and a waist tie $179. Arthur Gallen for a black blouse with pleat front and capped sleeves on sale for $98. Head to Marcs for a cute collection of satin and silk or chiffon blouses from $179. Chic. Then try Marlene Birger at Christensen Copenhagen for a lace trim blouse in cream with a pled front $375
First Class: Love the Miu Miu at Belinda ink silk blouse with long sleeves $1,145, Die for the Alberta Feretti at Belinda silver pussy-bow blouse in silk-satin $835. Cry over the Marni futuristic sleevless candy coloured gauze top; gorgeous $475. Then apply waterproof mascara and sob in Chanel and Prada.

WHAT : The Pant (YSL Spring 08 RTW)
WHICH: This season you have a lovely choice in the pant department. Go for skinny or wide depending on what your legs are. This means if you have fat legs you don’t wear skinny pants. Look for a higher waist and a looser leg for the most universally flattering look. Go for dark colour in trousers unless you are mad and decide you want to wear red. In that case stop reading The FiFi Report. There is no hope.
WHY: Because Trousers are right for work. You can stride around and not worry about doing a Britney. Because you don’t have to worry about shaving your legs in the morning. Because trousers look great with flats when a dress doesn’t. Because the menswear look is lurking on the runways. Because pants can go from summer to winter with a change of a top.
WEAR:
Go for a darker colours (see above) and try something pretty and feminine on the top. Next summer is all about sheet transparent blouses. Try a simple fitted knit with a wide pant or a loose top with skinny pants to balance out the silhouette. Invest in a white or patent belt a la Marni. It will instantly lift the grey and black.
WHERE:
Economy Class: Check out Kookai for black skinny pants with button front feature $139, ESPRIT for a classic slim line black wool mix pant $99: MNG for a Black wool mix wide leg pant $119 or high waisted black nylon/wool pant $149.
Business Class: Scanlan and Theodore for fabulous grey slouch pants $500; TiBi at Christensen Copenhagen for black wool wide leg pant $416. Checkout Arthur Gallen for black Onyx woollen pants $249. Try Saba for black work pants; Skinny cut $189, wide leg $199 and high-waist slim leg $199. Buy any one of these and receive a free shirt valued up to $129. Thankyou. Also try marc by Marc Jacobs at David Jones for grey slouchy pants $199 or Hugo by Hugo Boss at Myer pants for $499. Head to Country Road for classic pants $199.
First Class: Stella McCartney at Belinda, YSL at Attic, Miu Miu at Belinda for fabulous black woollen slim leg pant $950.

WHAT: The Shoe (Marc Jacobs Fall 07 RTW)
WHICH: Thegood news? The new season shoes styles are so work appropriate. How nice.It’s time tolook lady like and grown up. The shoe of the season whether you work ornot? The 20’s style lace-up shoe/booties. See above. A must buy. Go fora round toe, a chunky heel, two tone and laceup. Another shoe to investin is the platform pumps but try a colour to inject a bit of zing toall that black and grey. You only wear flats? Relax there are a lot tochoose from. Go for a square toe with a buckle a la Roger Vivier orwith a jewel toe for fun.
WHY:Because the neat, tailored 1920’s silhouette works with a chic lace up.Because Marc Jacobs is The Guru. Because a platform makes wearingheels so much more comfortable. Because flats are so Audrey Hepburn.And she should know.
WEAR:Withopaque tights in black or a colour. Heels will always work with a dressor a skinny pants suit. And flats always look great with slouchey pantsor a pretty full skirt. Flats with a pencil skirt is a nono. Unless youwant to look frumpy.
WHERE
Economy Class:head to Nine West for fabulous black satin round toe laceups $149; toMollini for a great selection of platforms about $128 or go to Wittnerwhere you can find some fab black laceup heels in a fabric that arevery Dries van Noten $179 .
Business Class:Christensen Copenhagen for a platform inblack suede with a peep toe and wooden heel $398, Gary Castles’ forchic patent peep toes with a thick heel called ‘splice’. Available inNavy, Brown, coral and black. Splice is nice $269. Midas black lace-up’flower’ heels $268.
First Class:Head to Prada or Fendi. Then try Evelyn Miles for Marc Jacobs lace upshoes ablout $795, or Bally for divine black patent laceups about $595.Or dash into Marni for the Autumn winter knee high platform boots$1145. Then say a prayer of thanks.

Baked Perfumed Peaches
Is there anything more romantic than some juicy, ripe, succulent, and voluptuous peaches baked in sexy lime zest then drizzled with luxurious orange blossom and served lovingly with a dollop of rich luscious cream and lychees?

Serves two couples over 4 nights..

You need:
8 large peaches
400g caster or brown sugar
2 lemons or 4 limes
1/1/2 teasp of coriander seeds2
teasp of orange flower water
600g lychees (optional)
Yogurt/cream
Mint for accessorising

• Preheat oven to 150.
• Cut peaches in half along the seam (there is a seam; not a zip . sorry).
• Remove stones.
• Place pretty peaches in a bowl. No tossing this time; it will bruise the fruit.
• Sprinkle peaches with any sugar you can find in the cupboard. Make sure they are completely covered and coated. It’s Valentines Day after all …
• Now find a baking dish and stand the peaches cut side up.
• Zest and juice both the lemons and limes.
• Then pour it over the peaches.
• Then sprinkle over the coriander seeds and any remaining sugar.
• Tip; The coriander seeds gradually soften in the cooking.
• Now cover with baking paper. The dish not you. (it can be a bit crinkly to walk around in).
• Toss it all in the oven.
• Cook for about an hour BUT after half an hour you can baste the peaches with the lovely juices.
• Then you have half an hour to get ready. So blow dry hair, apply false eyelashes, hair extentions, push-up bra, heels and paint nails. This will give you a very low key, natural look for your candle-lit dinner.
• Get into sexy Herve Leger bandage dress.
• Whip the peaches out of the oven when they look nice and poached. (As you will be after the Champers).
• Drizzle the orange blossom water (or rose water) over the peaches and mix it into the juices.
• TIP: Be careful it’s very strong so don’t go slushing it all over. You can do that with the champers.
• Add the lychees and then pop it in the fridge to cool a little.
• To serve : reapply lipgloss secretly under the bench in the kitchen.
• Then place 2 peaches halves and a couple of lychees on the plate.
• Accessorise with a chic sprig of mint, and a gorgeous dollop of cream.
• Pour some dessert wine or more champers.
• Receive big smooch form George Clooney.