• "I’m proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It’s great. It’s huge. It’s enormous. Massive. If I looked like that I’d walk down the street in my panties too." Victoria Beckham (pictured in the Marc Jacobs campain above) on seeing the billboard of Becks in his undies. Britney think she looks like David Beckham.
• "I’m proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion. He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!" Victoria B is proud of the size of her husband.
• "She’ll be a tall mother".George Clooney on the kind of mother pal Nicole Kidman will be. Size matters.
• "No size zeros here"! say the Spice Girls when interviewed by International Herald Tribune fashion critic Suzy Menkes in Milan.
• "I am a size zero. I don’t mind being a size zero". Posh quickly retorts back (she is proud of her size. She looks like an tractor exhaust pipe).
• “Move back, I’m scared. Stop it, stop it. I want to get back in the car.” Britney screaming at paparazzi. The feeling is mutual. We’re scared too.
• "Get out, I’m naked, get out!" Britney is heard telling pal Sam Lutfi when he carries the phone toward her during an interview from her house. Since when has been worried people seeing her naked. Size 0 brain.
• "I stink, ’cause I’m a human being. Shut the door, I’m nasty!" Britney gives her reason for having a shower. I don’t know what shocks me more that she is thinks she is human or that she was actually having a shower.

I need to be cool. I need to be surrounded by fans. I need a fan that is chic, quiet and will still be there in the morning. My favorite fan always at my side? The Chrome desktop fan from Bunnings. I like to think of it as my own personal wind machine, always there quietly keeping me cool. Making me look like a million dollars.The protective guard ensures you can never get hurt and the price of $49 ensures your credit card won’t be injured either.

$49 Chrome Desktop Fan from Bunnings.

“Thin is the new pink for laptops” said the Wall Street Journal in response to MacWorld unveiling of the Superslim skinniest laptop ever. The MacBook Air is thin. Jezebel.com reports it’s “very thin. Joan Didion thin. Juila Stiles circa 10 Things I Hate About You thin. Teen Vogue model thin. So thin it can fit in a manila envelope”. So thin you could throw it in your Lanvin Clutch. So thin it’s a size 0. So thin you could put it in a dress, turn it into a Fembot and put it on stage with the Spice Girls.
$2,499 MacBook Air available from www.apple.com.au Apple stores nationally.

Message to Britney: You need the Aveda Damage Remedy Intensive Restructuring Treatment. Drink it. The rest of us should apply it to our hair. It’s fabulous for repairing and restoring hair after weeks of swimming and beaching. Full of goodies such as castor, jojoba and meadowfoam seed oils you should apply it weekly. Watch it really sink into all those bad split ends and dry hair. Smells great too. Message to Britney. It will not work on your pink wig.

$45 for 250 ml. Aveda Damage Remedy Intensive Restructuring Treatment from Aveda stores nationally.

• ‘While it is a little fantastical Balenciaga‚’s fabulous shoot, which was featured in the New York Times magazine for its trend on platform shoes, is a perfect metaphor for the hotter-than-hot label. Shot by Miles Aldridge, the image features two Godzilla sized Balenciaga-clad-feet stomping aggressively on a cityscape complete with freeways and cars. Balenciaga takes over the world!’ reports thecoolhunter.com.au

• ‘Kate Moss reportedly banked nearly $10 million last year and she is showing no signs of easing up. Being the face of Yves Saint Laurent isn’t enough for her new year — Moss has shot Longchamp’s spring campaign with Mario Sorrenti.’ WWD
• ‘Natalia Vodianova has become the face of the Diane Von Furstenberg campaign. Having not advertised for a matter of decades, the current CFDA president is preparing to burst back onto the scene with a glitter-spangled series of images, which were shot by close friend Francois-Marie Banier in New York’. WWD
• ‘For the final ad campaign to be published before Valentino retires, the brand tapped a top model duo of the Nineties — Amber Valletta and Shalom Harlow — as well as Raquel Zimmermann, Anja Rubik, Michael Gandolfi and Oriol Elcacho. Harper’s Bazaar editor at large Brana Wolf styled the colorful campaign, shot by Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin at a private home in LA.’ WWD
• ‘Kate Bosworth has been unveiled as the new face of Calvin Klein Jeans - the label which famously propelled another Kate, one Ms Moss, to supermodel-stardom in 1992. Bosworth was shot by David Sims in LA for the black-and-white ad campaign, which features the actress looking fresh-faced and wide-eyed in simple seperates - a metallic trench coat, a pair of white jeans - from the range.’ Very Calvin Klien WWD.
• ‘Rumour has it that Victoria Beckham will follow her appearance on the cover of Elle and the Marc Jacobs ad campaigns (below) with an April Vogue cover.’ says Sassybella.
• ‘Has Ashton Kutcher been taking fashion tips from the London rock scene? In one of the shots from the actor’s spring campaign for Pepe Jeans London, Kutcher sports a rockabilly quiff and moody pout à la Amy Winehouse, while in another he cuts more of a Pete Doherty figure, wearing a cotton vest and peaked hat. Daria Werbowy is also featured in the ads, but her look seems to have been inspired by Eighties guitar bands instead’: WWD
• ‘Gemma Ward will have something other than walking the runways on her mind come February: walking the red carpet in Berlin for the world premiere of her debut feature film. Ward costars with an Australian cast that includes Toni Collette and two other newcomers, Rhys Wakefield and Luke Ford, in a story about autism’ — WWD
• Agyness Deyn stars alongside models Lily Donaldson, Edie Campbell, Alice Gibb and Laura Fraser in Burberry’s newly-launched spring/summer 2008 ad – And they are joined by Courtney Love’s guitarist Liam Wade and Coco Sumner, daughter of Sting and Trudie Styler. The campaign - by Mario Testino - breaks with the label’s tradition of using edgy black-and-white shots, instead adopting a playful use of colour.. Vogue.co.uk
• Uber stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe will star in her own reality TV show. She will will start shooting in a matter of weeks.

www.pqpmagazine.com
‘Pourquoi Pas? Is a new journal of fashion illustration: So chic! So fabulous! Read Cathy Horyn, Gladys Perint Palmer and Bruce Oldfield as they pay a personal tribute to three incomparable illustrators: Joe Eula, Muriel Pemberton and Colin Barnes (uber stylist extraordinaire) unveils her teenage alter ego and there are illustrations by Amanda Harlech, Jade Parfitt, and Carmen Dell’ Orefice. Click on ‘ take a look’ and turn the pages of the magazine with a click.The 72-page magazine is on heavy stock, costs about $40, and is available at pqpmagazine.com’ (reports NYTimes)

www.the-b-list.com/index.htm
‘Ever wondered where Karl Lagerfeld buys his books, or Dita Von Teese enjoys an off-duty cocktail? Now you don’t have to: Blackberry has welcomed some of your favourite stars – including Lagerfeld, Von Teese, Jonathan Saunders and Henry Holland - onto its new website, the B-List, where they’ve opened up their address books and shared the hotels, restaurants, shops and clubs that they love to love. While it won’t come as too much of a surprise to discover that Holland is hooked on the musings of celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, who would’ve thought that he couldn’t live without Kiehls moisturiser because "it wakes your face up, however hungover you are"? With over 100 celebrities and VIPs involved, you’re bound to discover a hidden gem (not to mention a sack load of insider trivia) - log onto www.the-b-list.com and take a look around’ reports Vogue UK. ( The B-List is available for the BlackBerry® Pearl, 7130, 8700, 8800 and 8300 models).

• Amy (left) has decided to match her middle finger with her head scarf –reports jezebel.
• Britney is pregnant/ engaged/drunk/ wore her wedding dress to go shopping.
• Nicole Richie had a baby girl. Congratulations to Nicole and Joel. May your bundle of joy in no way shape or form inspire Paris to get the baby bug again. Otherwise, I’ll come to your house and knock Joel’s stupid hat off his head” says thesuperficial.
• Christina Aguilera had a boy. ‘TMZ is saying it’s a boy. My sources say it’s a Yeti’…reports thesuperfical.
• Britney is pregnant/married/ wears old wedding dress again.
• Matthew McConaughey is pregnant. Does not wear wedding dress.
• K Fed is trying to make it as a producer. ‘Kevin is drawing on his experience with Britney to help his career bloom…
• ‘Britney spent all hours of the morning cavorting all over town and getting as much shopping in as possible — which was quite a feat considering the stores had been closed for hours. ‘ Reports pinkisthenewblog.
• Gwyneth Paltrow went to hospital this week for "unspecified" reasons. She did not wear her wedding dress.
• Britney is pregnant/married/ mad/drunk/ flashes her brazilian. Again.
• After two long weeks of fake/pretend marriage, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have decided to call it quits. She wore her wedding dress then took it off.
• Britney wore her wedding dress with her favourite pink wig. Again.
• Britney is planning to have more children/marry/ divorce her married paparazzo boyfriend.
• Britney is planning to convert to Islam. In fact she has revealed she is actually Osama Bin Laden. That would explain alot. We know how he hates wearing undies. (but he would look good in a wedding dress and pink wig.)

The Perfect Scent: A Year Inside the Perfume Industry in Paris and New York by Chandler Burr
‘From the New York Times perfume critic, (there is a perfume critic at the NY Times??) comes a stylish, fascinating, unprecedented insider’s view of an industry and its charismatic characters.No journalist has ever been allowed into the ultra secretive, highly pressured process of originating a perfume. But Chandler Burr spent a year behind the scenes observing the creation of two major fragrances. Writing with wit and elegance, he juxtaposes the stories of the perfumes -one created by a Frenchman in Paris for Hermes, the other in New York by actress Sarah Jessica Parker and Coty. We follow Coty’s mating of star power to the marketing of perfume,od SJP.Will she match the success of Jennifer Lopez? In Paris at the elegant Hermes, we see the new head perfumer, given a challenge: he must create a scent to resuscitate Hermes’ perfume business and challenge le monstre of the industry, bestselling Chanel No. 5. A mesmerizing portrait of some of the extraordinary personalities that drive their billion-dollar industry.
$16 www.amazon.com Publisher: Henry Holt and Co. (January 22, 2008)

The Christmas List
Vogue Covers: On Fashion’s Front Page by Robin Derrick (Editor), Robin Muir
‘Inventive, glamorous, gorgeous—since the beginningVogue has set the platinum standard for fashion magazines the world over and has become an icon in its own right. Vogue’s covers sum up the superlative visual ideals of the whole magazine. For the first time, this book brings together in one volume nearly a century of covers both illustrated and photographic. Robin Derrick is the former art director of The Face, Italian Elle,Glamour France and Arena magazines. He now juggles his time between his role as creative director at Vogue and his photography commissions.’
$47 www.amazon.com Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group (May 28, 2008)

New ShopAlert New ShopAlert New ShopAlert New ShopAlert New ShopAlert
Vanessa Bruno has just opened in William Street, Paddington.
The Ivy Every body should hot-step it to The Ivy on George Street; Hemmes’ new complex consisting of a boutique hotel, bars, a day spa, nine restaurants, a swimming pool with bar, European-style laneways, gardens, cafes, retail outlets, delicatessens, a ballroom and office space. Head the bar to a morning champers (hic!) then check out the Mimco and Seduce. Opening the end of Jan are Sass and Bide, Peter Alexander, Portmans and the Cupcake Gallery and many many more. Chic.
Economy Class:
Diva:
We love Diva. We love a sale. So there is no excuse for being a dag. If you are a dag don’t tell anyone and just keep reading The FiFi Report. Anything that is on sale is under $5. Is that legal? You can’t even buy a gin and tonic for that. Love their large jeweled square rings $9.95; the organic shaped Perspex necklace (very Dinosaur Designs) $16.95 and the matching bangles $8.95. Love the bright square facet ring in pink $9.95. The gorgeous bronze bangle studded large diamantes is now reduced to $5. There is a gold leaf cuff $19.95 and a black/gold circle necklace $24.95. Adore the large black bangle with silver studs $19.95 and very Alaia.
Nine West :
I see many of the shoes we loved this season have all gone on sale. Love it.You can now buy those gorgeous metallic patent blue platform sandals (with the wooden heel) for $109. And FiFi’s favourite Perspex wedge heeled mules in white, silver or black reduced to $99. Can all this cheapness be legal? It’s murder. Check out the Louboutin inspired peep toe platform for $99 (pictured left)! Love the patent black ballet flats $89, buy them now wear all winter. New bags have arrived here too. There’s a gorgeous stone day bag with round see though Perspex handles (available in orange, blue or grey handles) $109. Or try the lime green (not a typo. Green is good) day bag with wood buckles and a grey zip and perspex buttons $99. But wait there’s more! Apart from shoes and bags there are also clothes on sale : you must invest in a parka for next season. A gorgeous black rain jacket with toggles is now $169 and the stone jacket with a large gathered hem is $169. Excellent. And remember it does not have to be raining to wear a trench or a parka.
Portmans:
Rule of shopping #: When in doubt, go directly to accessories. Rule of shopping #2: go straight to the sunglasses and buy the small black/white cats eye sunglasses at $24.99; (1/34 of the price of the original Louis Vuitton). Checkout the fabulous black wooden beads $14.95; large red bangles $14.95 and the cool black gem encrusted necklace $24.95 which will add life to your little black dress. There is a super-cute black patent tote $29.95 and a canvas shoulder bag with black faux-leather tabs (hold your nose; save the animals) $59.95.
Sportsgirl:
Sportsgirl are on-the-money for trends. Check out the black clutch with subtle gold trim $39.99 or the brown ‘kit’ clutch with gold clasps $34.95. Please take note of the clutch. As reported months and months ago in The FiFi Report it is the Item du jour and so very important for next season. We have had the big oversized bag explosion. And it was very messy. Leather and hardware all over the place. Time for the clutch and the shoulder bag. Also check out the Miu Miu style bags with a long strap that sits over the shorts straps in a chocolate brown $29.95. Say goodbye to gelati and say bonjour to the chic tones of grey, navy, red and brown. Bring on the winter. Love the black and white check high waisted skirt with buttoned down front $69 and the brown and white tartan checked bomber $89.95. Hint: don’t wear them together unless you are channelling Willy Wonka. The chambray buttoned down skirt is here to stay $69.95. Wear it back with anglaise singlets with cotton lace back $39.95 available in lilac, salmon, white or black. Throw on a long line knit cardi over the top $79.95 and you will be very on trend. Check out the chambray cullotte $59.95, which cinches in at the waist and the version of AM sunglasses called Felix in black and hot pink $29.95. Retro.
Target:
Skip the fashion in here and go directly to the shoes, bags and accessories. It’s what they are doing best.Hint to all new FiFi report readers:please hold nose as you walk in the shoe section; the smell of plastic can be a shock to the system. Let your eyes - not your nose - do the shopping. Love the simple ballet flats available in white, silver or black $29 and the French chic navy and white canvas slides $29.99. J’Adore! Gail Sorrenda was the last ‘Designer for Target’. In her collection look for a fab pair of black slides which crisscross the foot and tie on the ankle $39.99. Also in white. For a cheap but chic of the week check out the rubber (yes I said it) Marc Jacobs look alike peep toe flats $14.95. If you wade through the bag section you will find a white balloon bag $24.99 (just like the Marni). Before proceeding to the check out please buy the wide brimmed hat in chic black $19.
Business Class:
Country Road:
All the summer pieces we know and love are here with 50% off the marked price. How thoughtful. You must buy the ultra chic patent purse in red on sale for a mere $20!!! Smatterings of the autumn collection have arrived and looking quite lovely. For a fabulous and fashionable work top try the chic de la chic charcoal bell sleeve top $109. it’s something I know you will wear to death. There is also a dress version with buttons and pocket front $159. Please buy the quite fabulous Marni-ish Gunmetal and brown strappy wedges $179. Check out the very casual Henley tee with button front and rolled sleeves for $119 and a cobalt blue tiered silk dress with tiered sleeves $199. What’s that look on your face? Please no screwing up the face it’s not good for the wrinkles. Don’t be scared it is definitely not a rendition of the 80’s but tres chic! Ok so you can’t do the dress then buy the more subdued top $139. There is a very Pucci/Marni esque print dress in greys, blues and creams for $199. Go on buy it (it’s half a Prada shoe). Look out for the black wet look zip front jacket $129 which will be in-store next week. Yes please!
Witchery:
The beginnings of the winter collection is arriving instore and it’s looking very navy, cream, grey and black. This makes for easy dressing! There’s a fab belted, double breasted trench coat in a cinnamon with a wide lapel/collar and cute belt detail on the 3/4 sleeve $149. Oh la la we just love the edgy black cotton tuxedo vest with white striped inner lining $79; Wear it with the slouch herringbone shorts in grey (pictured) $89. Wear a striped button down camisole underneath. Buy one in navy and one in the cream stripes and you will be very happy $59.Make a statement with the red frill neck blouse, very Lanvin W07 for $129 and wear back with a must have high waist black skirt $99. Love the gold Marilyn peep toe high heels $169. They aren’t called Marilyn for nothing. There are a pair of gorgeous cream (available in purple or black also) round toe ballet flats with metal studs and gather detail on the toes $129 or try the grey patent ballet flats with a contrast cream strap across the toe $129.
Sass and Bide:
Oxford st has lovely ambiance. Check out the high waisted, faded thigh, 70’s style shorts $220. (Sad fact: The thighs on the jeans are faded but the thighs on my legs are still there). These shorts are cute for the young or those who still think they are. Short shorts are still a hot look for next summer.You will also find a high waisted skirt with braces in the same fabric $220. You can take the braces off if need be. Which is a good thing. You don’t want to look too much like Xtina Aigualerra now that has just had a baby. The ultimate picnic dress is the white button front frill lace cotton dress. It is strappy and feminine $290. Buy the black plain singlet as a wardrobe a staple $120 and the cotton tuxedo blouse with velvet contrast pannels, (pictured) reduced to $173. Invest in the camel coloured lapel trench for winter $850. Feeling fruity? The piece you most want to buy? The black kaftan with white dot’s and red frill trim on the arms and hem $245.
First Class:
Evelyn Miles:
Head to the Bondi Junction store for some fabulous pieces on sale: Love and adore the tan heels covered in big fat jewels by Marc Jacobs now reduced to just $720. Buy 2. Buy the gorgeous sister shoes: the black pointy platform pump covered in divine grey jewels also reduced to $629. That’s the pair not each shoe. Love, love the Jean-Michael Cazabat collection especially the ballet pumps (which are covered in silver disco-ball sparkles are gorgeous) now $418. They are also available in chic loafers $220. New arrivals to drool over are the Rupert Sanderson brown velveteen high-heeled booties with ribbon laces $948 – yes please- and the Rupert black patent shoe boot with a velvet tie $898. Please buy the Pedro Garcia black patent heeled booties $598 and check out the the Car Shoe range of bags (available in the city store). Particularly the canvas and brown leather tabs tote $498. Of course the only shoes to buy this season ( as in winter) is the shoe boot lace up , very 1920’s round toe, lace up heels by Marc Jacobs. Gorgeous with a round stacked heel in satin or dark grey leather about $800.
Parlour X:
This gorgeous shop is a favourite. Note to self: bring Sugar daddy/ black Amex/mastercard. Feeling poverty struck after Christmas? Never fear because it’s all on sale now…. You will find some amazing bargains. A Comme-des-garcons fan? You will adore the black crimped strappy dress with an elasticised zigzag waist $545; the signature print red with white polka dot jacket reduced to a mere $199! Whacky and wonderful. You want the Viktor and Rolph black jacket with frill collar and front panels $1,105, buy now wear winter/ Love forever. Ditto the fabulous white shirt with black stars now reduced to $275. Stars are a huge story for next season. I should know. Check out the stunning white sundress by Charles Anastase: it has big black dots all over and thick front straps. Perfect for a summer rendezvous $1480. Please buy the Luella grey waistcoat from last season (who cares!) now reduced to $530. Note to self : Check heart beat if hyperventilating. For the sex-pots out there check out the Vivienne Westwood gorgeous black jacket now reduced to $1,140 (simular to YSL le smoking) and matching pants $799. The suit/ le smoking is HOT for next season. A must buy. Snatch up the Alaia black 80’s patchwork booties $1315 ( and then change your name to Blondie.) Grab the Junya Wantanabe olive puff army jacket $375 (pictured left). You must know that the Puffas jacket is a huge trend for next season and you want one. You do. Before you leave please invest in a Corto Moltedo white shoulder bag (son of Bodega Veneta). It has gold buttons placed delicately on the front and his signature thorny gold straps with a huge star charm. $1,299 and wear it with pride.
The Corner Shop:
Please, Please skip happily over to The Corner Shop in The Strand to view the new shipment of Miu Miu. Remember Miu Miu pieces can be worn and worn again. Miuccia is first with the trends and all others follow. This is a rule in fashion. If calculated on wears per dollars spent you will definitely get your moneys worth. That’s my excuse anyway. Fall in love with the silk black Miu Miu dress with a rounded neck, mini sleeves, a seam that gathers and drops from above the breast. It’s really a work of art $1,875. The dress also comes in hot pink for $1,999. Pink can be scary. Also check out the Miu Miu beige dress with an additional panel at the hem $1,870; gorgeous. Drool over the Miu Miu delicate black lace cami with Italian white lace trim $895 then buy the plain black lace cami for $685 and cover up with a matching black wool cardigan $825. If your credit card explodes then apologise to the shop girls for the mess. Then squeeze the cute Miu Miu patent leather cuffs in coral or pink $195 and matching headbands $160 on another card. Or just sob. Then cheer up by racing over to the fabulous collection of shoes and accessories (where the grey platforms steal the show.) They have the Chloe curved heels and underneath the platform is an actual metal horse shoe! Outrageous. Just buy them. Then pray. $995. There is also Chloe off white wedge heeled booties with a split front $995 (pictured left in black). Everyone needs the Repetto (from Paris) black ballet flats with ties and heel straps from $295; and everyone should have a large vintage collection of imported sunglasses; the vintage Gucci’s are divine at $450 and surely they are collector’s editions. Lovely.

Champagne with Berry Sorbet

A great way to start off the New Year; with a new drink…. Hic
This is a must have for summer.
Keep the berries frozen in the freezer then scoop out and mix with the champers as desired (every half an hour).
NB: You can refreeze the already defrosted berries and not be poisoned. Scientific tests by FiFi have proved it.

For 10 Fashionistas or one sweet-toothed alcoholic;

you need:
9 punnets mixed berries (or one large 500g freezer packet)
1 1/2 cups of sugar (or to taste).
Squeeze Of Fresh Lemon Juice
French Champagne or whatever other champagne you can find in the fridge
1 cup water

• Slip into Eres bikini and Balenciaga gladiator heels.
• Apply a dash of lipgloss
• Pour a champers.
• Ask the maid to get the berries out of the fridge.
• Delegate the boring chopping off tops of strawberries to George Clooney.
• Head to the kitchen.
• Mix up all the berries in a bowl: look at all those reds… so chic de la chic ! So next summer Prada.
• Now find a saucepan big enough for all the berries.
• Pour in the water and wait for it to boil…Another Bolly darling? I Think so.
• Add the sugar to the water and watch it dissolve. If only your hips could do that.
• Add all those gorgeous red berries to the water and then turn down to simmer for about 45 minutes. This is a good time to read the latest Vanity Fair.
• After 45 mins the fruit should be all mushy and a bit slushy.
• Throw all the berries in the freezer just to cool them down a bit .
• When the berry mix is nice and cold pull out whizzer and blend the berries.
• Add the lemon juice, and give it a stir.
• Now dip your gorgeous, little manicured finger in there and taste. Watch out for red stain dribble on Balenciaga heels.You want it sweet and tangy so that it will be delicious with the dryness of the champagne.
• Now pour the berries into a chic bowl and whack it into the freezer.
• Wait till it’s frozen. Keep reading Vanity Fair
• Time to drink!
• Ask the butler to Pre-chill the serving glasses.
• Place one large tablespoon of sorbet in each glass.
• Pour champagne over the sorbet.
• Watch it dissolve and bubble with joy….just as you will!