• "Nobody wants you in this neighbourhood! You’re making the neighbourhood unsafe"! A bystander yells out to Britney and her sister
• "Then move the fuck out of the neighborhood!" replies the charming and well mannered Jamie Lynn Spears.
• “It was sobering experience”. Lindsay Lohan on her stint rehab. Her talent for irony knows no bounds.
• "She’s very talented…if she’s sober. She would be great as a Playboy Bunny". Director Brett Ratner has great respect for Lindsay Lohan. So talented she could be dumb and blonde if she wasn’t drunk.
• "My talent is a gift and I’m going to use it". Lindsay has a gift as a talented playboy bunny.
• “She reads Noam Chomsky books and the New York Times cover to cover and the New Yorker – she’s a brainiac! Courtney Love’s daughter can read. She is so talented she has never been to rehab. Too good for the neighbourhood
• "All my contracts are for life, so I am like a death row inmate", Karl Lagerfeld on working for Chanel. Too talented.
• "I’m a little dinged up – lots of Neosporin. I’m definitely not jogging or doing jumping jacks". George Clooney’s girlfriend should sue.
• "I always thought if they did go in that direction I could be McChocolatey". Taye Diggs on what his Grey’s Anatomy nickname should be. (He is black) .
• Hello, I just got married…I did. I’m distracted. It’s a big day". A big day at the office. Pamela Anderson. Macstupid. (The happy couple pictured left).
• "I can’t even imagine what it must be like for her… People must just follow her wherever she goes. She can’t get away at all. That must be a huge stress and whatever she does is her way of escaping.” Lily Allen on Britney. Hint: She could leave the neighbourhood.

Some things in life are essential. Waterproof mascara for sobbing in Prada. Divine, new, colour blocked heels in Prada. A quick shot of Verve Cliquot to calm the nerves before you go ahead and buy the colour blocked heels in Prada. Then there’s other essential in life such as a huge overdraft, a trust fund, another handbag and a white Tee. A white Tee is a wardrobe staple. My pick for best white Tee is from American Apparel. They have a great cut and are made from American spun cotton, an environmentally friendly fabric that will withstand all wear and tear from endless shopping. American Apparel is manufactured in an environmentally friendly basis and uses leftover cotton cuttings that would otherwise be dumped in landfills. (Along with last season’s shoes). At $30 it will be the only thing you can afford to squeeze onto your Mastercard after buying Prada.
$30 American Apparel White Tee from Zimmerman, Bang On Custom Tee’s, Tuchuzy Bondi Beach or www.americanapparel.net

The things you want to steal from your boyfriend:

• The remote control
• His ability to drive a car instead of a handbag
• His sense of direction
• His ability to walk into a shop. Then walk out
• His chocolate eating metabolism
• His discerning deafness
• His jackets. You have two to choose from:
  The first one to snitch is called The Boyfriend Jacket. Seen all over the runways of Milan and Paris (Jill Sander 08 pictured far left) it’s long, almost shapeless and single breasted. It’s very eighties. You wear it with skinny jeans. You wear it with a mini peeking out. With heels. You wear it with a short little singlet dress. The other jacket you must sneak in and try on is his old navy school blazer (Balenciaga pictured left). It’s should be short, tailored, with mild tailoring in the shoulders. It should be preppy. It should have a white grosgrain trim and his school colours on the pocket. It should not have a stinky moth ball smell. Or holes. If so I highly recommend you steal his credit card. Then buy the Balenciaga.
• Find fabulous Blazers at Armani Exchange, LAcoste, Karen Millen for a fabulous navy and white stripe, Anna Thomas, Hugo Boss, and Paul and Joe.

Coco Chanel always said: Before you walk out the door take one thing off. Unfortunately Britney seems to take the wrong thing off. I would prefer to put another thing on. And make it from Chanel. If you can’t have the Chanel jacket or quilted bag you should have one of the divine, new treatments available from the chic, new Chanel Fragrance and Beauty Boutique just opened at WBJ. They have a built-in Precision cabine for private skincare treatment and super chic skincare consultation area with white quilted leather walls. You might like the Deep Purifying Treatment $70; or the Brightening Treatment for an outer glow. Or indulge in the Energising Treatment which includes a massage $70. If only we could use that on our withered, tired and beaten old credit card.

• In Paris? Head to "Edward Steichen: In High Fashion, 1923-1937," a photography exhibit that opened at the Musée du Jeu de Paume this week and runs through December 30. For more information, see www.fep-paris.org
• PHILIP GREEN is to "go it alone" with plans to expand TopShop in America after failing to find a suitable business partner,The Times reports. The brand made its first foray into the US market earlier this year, when the Kate Moss for TopShop range was released in Barney’s. reports UK VOGUE
• LUXURY e-commerce site 20LTD.com has acquired a signed collection of photographs by the late Bob Carlos Clarke, Britain’s answer to Helmut Newton, which will go on sale from Monday. Find them at www.20LTD.com reports UKVogue
• Louise Bourgeois exhibit is opening at the Tate Modern in London. The first major survey in over a decade of the 96-year-old, Paris-born, New York-based surrealist sculptor, "Louise Bourgeois" will include more than 200 massive, menacing forms from her long career. www.tate.org.uk reports style.com
• Also in London check out the Frieze Art Fair; it takes place every October in Regent’s Park, London. The fair provides an environment to introduce and showcase new and established artists to visitors from around the world. www.friezeartfair.com
• Giorgio Armani himself has written a big fat cheque for the Sydney Theatre Company thanks to Cate Blanchett and her husband. His is the company’s official "patron." His gift is apparently the largest ever made to a non-profit arts organization in Australia.
• To celebrate 60 years of UK House & Garden magazine they have raided the archives to dust-off snapshots of the past six decades. www.houseandgarden.co.uk
• This month Sotheby’s auctions off two outfits belonging to Grace Kelly in honour of the 25th anniversary of her death. One, a green Givenchy sheath, is what she wore on a visit to another style great, Jackie Kennedy.. Grace, Princess of Monaco: A Tribute to the Life and Legacy of Grace Kelly is open to the public at Sothebys New York from October 15 to October 26. reports style.com
• AFTER a prolonged period of is-she-or-isn’t-she surrounding ade Jaggers role at Garrard - following the end of her contract with the jewellery house last June - it has been announced she will launch a new collection next season. "I wanted to work on something more accessible that could appeal to both my 15-year-old daughter, say, and my mother," Jagger told WWD. She has also created a clothing line, based on the Ibiza lifestyle…reports UK Vogue
• After a week of rather lackluster celebrity appearances (just how many times can you photograph Kanye West?), the rich and boldface finally came out to play yesterday. From Chloë Sevigny, Kristin Scott Thomas, and L’Wren Scott at Lanvin to Pharrell Williams, Catherine Deneuve, Courtney Love, Sofia Coppola (pictured), and Dita Von Teese at Louis Vuitton, A-listers were out in force. But it wouldn’t be fashion week without some carping. As one well-known stylist observed of the dearth of famous faces, "This whole celebrity buzz is getting out of hand. In the race to find a VIP, the photographers are turning their flashbulbs on anyone and everyone. Where one flashbulb goes, another one follows, and suddenly there is this hive of activity around someone who probably isn’t even famous. It’s hilarious." Reports style.com
• CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG recently proclaimed she has no interest in fashion, but she has nevertheless been a presence on the Paris front rows this week – in her capacity as the guest editor of French Vogue’s December edition..reports UK Vogue Late last week, Sadie Frost and Jemima French’s three-week-old North London boutique became the latest target in the string of high-fashion thefts that have been plaguing London.
• First Roger Vivier’s shop was hit, back in June; then thieves stole several key looks from Christopher Kane’s studio just days before his Spring ‘08 show. Following that, the Brora, Ralph Lauren, Luella, and Marc Jacobs stores were looted by a gang of black-clad, moped-riding, smash-and-grab robbers. "We are pretty sure they are stealing on demand. reports style com.

www.abc.net.au All your favourites from Summer Heights High. Click on Mr G and his fancy dance steps! Dress up Ja’mie! Hilarious.

www.bidnapper.com Why use Bidnapper, the eBay Auction Sniper? Bidnapper’s sniping software delivers bids to eBay auctions at the last moment in a process called "sniping." You sleep and they bid.

Mister Pip…by Lloyd Jones
This is a lovely book. ‘On an island called Bougainville in the early 1990s, civil war rages. Rebels have taken up arms, and soldiers helicopter in from nearby Port Moresby to reestablish New Guinea’s sovereignty over the island. All the whites have fled except one: Mr. Watts, a New Zealander married to a local woman. He offers to replace the departed teacher and reopen the village school; on the second day of class, he begins to read ‘Great Expectations’ by Dicken aloud. Suddenly, the village’s children have a refuge from the incomprehensible conflict engulfing their world. “We could escape to another place,” declares Matilda, the 13-year-old narrator. New Zealand writer Lloyd Jones’s spare, haunting fable explores the power and limitations of art as Matilda chronicles 21 increasingly desperate months’ - It’s a great read!
$13 www.amazon.com Publisher: The Dial Press (July 31, 2007)

The Christmas List
The Grand Surprise: The Journals of Leo Lerman …..by Leo Lerman Lerman
Longtime features editor at Vogue, and later editor-in-chief of Vanity Fair and all-round arts devotee was omnivorous in his desire to experience the full range of culture and entertainment. This broad, selection of Lerman’s journals is filled with great gossip (on everything from Ruth Gordon’s eating habits to architect Philip Johnson’s sex life) and some astute remarks on art. Lerman (1914–1994) is a great diarist: the details are precise, the information careening from idiosyncratic to important, and his tone endlessly amused and amusing. While he can be peevish and even mean, he is also frequently funny and generous. The casual reader may be lost at times, but if you are moderately conversant with high art and high society or want to know what Princess Marina, duchess of Kent, wore to the Metro Opera in September 1956, Lerman’s journals are perfect.’  
$24 www.amazon.com Publisher:Knopf (April 10, 2007)

FiFi has been too busy shopping this week to write about it. Your credit card will thank me for it. So please don’t cry. Wipe away your smudged mascara, blow your nose, re-appply your lip gloss and read about the next summer trends from UK Vogue.
THE TRENDS:
SPRING/SUMMER 2008 www.vogue.co.uk: "MARY, Mary, how does your garden grow? With Stellas prints and Dries silks and all-in-ones all in a row… For spring/ summer 2008, if the likes of Roberto Cavalli and Dolce Gabbana are to be believed, all out raunch is out in favour of natural, pretty innocence that is just as alluring but unselfconsciously so. And all the summer loving is going take place outside. The world’s foremost designers double as eco warriors these days, with gardens strewn across catwalks and flowers smothering their collections from silken heels to bustled chiffon roses at the waist and shoulder to a plethora of springtime prints in between. Add a smattering of dots to your wardrobe – either a dark, moody fade-away polka dot from Givenchy or cheerful coral-on-white from Giles at and spoil yourself with plenty of party dresses – halter necks with full, knee-length skirts, slinky silk jersey ones with a single strap – everybody from Diane Von Furstenberg to Alber Elbaz at Lanvin (pictured) wants to see at least one shoulder next season – to ruffled up, scrunched up, smocked and ruched chiffon. Colours were prettily pastel at Jonathan Saunders Christopher Kane and Nathan Jenden in London, but starbursts of fruity orange, lemon and eyepopping fuchsia woke up audiences the world over. The length? Midi still has it, either full or drawn in to pencil. The trouser? Tailored beautifully to just above the ankle Lanvin Todd Lynn o Nina Ricci for starters), or, of course, drop waisted in a modern dhoti style. The bag? They’re still big and their best in multicolour from Stella or Louis Vuitton but if it’s a little clutch you’re after go for a notebook style in pink python from type Chloe A touch of fringing wouldn’t go amiss next season; brave a jumpsuit – or a shorter playsuit version - our favourite was a pale blue silk one at Nina Ricci if you dare and add plenty of gold; glittering, liquid shiny or matt, to the mix. Top names to drop? " Marios Schwab is still London’s leader now that we hear Jonathan Saunders is off to NYC next season, while Dries,Balenciaga and Nina Ricci took the prize for best collections in Paris. McQueen show was the ticket of the season and YSL who generated a mixed reaction to a show full of models who could hardly stand, let alone walk in the oh-so-high shoes, in fact wooed with a collection that - on second, closer viewing - was modern, unique and beautiful: grey silk jersey was in fact sweatshirt fabric tailored for evening, up close, and the Perspex that had so offended in the show was quite beautifully built and retro up close. For dress down days next season, grab yourself a retro T-shirt to wear with a silk tailored tulip skirt – it will feel like the best kind of rule breaking. When it comes to shoes, just keep buying (blessed advice): make them big and ridiculous McQueen double stilts anyone?) or gorgeous and silk and floral Dries but definitely make them attention-grabbing… Our biggest criticism for the season? That designers should edit down their looks to make more impact – so many, from Chloe (shoe pictured) toMarc by Marc Jacobs even Christopher Kane would be well advised to make more succinct what they’re trying to say to us. With London in the lead for the place to see the biggest new talents and have the most fun at the best parties, it was Paris that had the most jubilant fashion mood – with a rugby victory to raise the mood even higher. But despite the rain in Paris and the late-running, over packed schedule in New York, the spring/summer 2008 fashion atmosphere is a riot of colourful energy: femininity, transparency, couture fabrics treated in couture techniques – and fantastic shoes. Enjoy.

Strawberry and Rhubarb Compote….adulterated from Steve Manfredi

Impress your friends! Spoil your family! Invite George Clooney for breakfast, and serve this. He will stay for a month. (it’s the rosewater that does it)

You need for a month of breakfasts:
1 kilo of rhubarb stalks
1 and half Kilo strawberries
200g Sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1 small cinnamon stick
3 tabs of Rosewater

• Cut the Rhubarb into about 3 cm lengths about the size of your pile of bills on your desk or the height of the Chloe platforms
• Cut up strawberries into quarters. Remember to cut off the green hat. This is a little boring so delegate this.
• Throw the Rhubarb into saucepan with the sugar with a chic little teasp of Vanilla essence.
• Let it cook away gently until the Rhubarb softens. It should take about Ten minutes or so. Don’t let it boil. Anything that loses its temper is bad. Simmering is good. You can now read about Nicole Kidman in Vanity Fair
• Set aside 500g of strawberries for accessorize and tossing in later.
• Throw in about 1 kilo of the strawberries to the Rhubarb and give it a good mix. All those pinks and reds are so Lanvin. Divine.
• Add the small cinnamon stick to the mix.
• Now let it simmer gently again for about another Ten Minutes. It should be all the mushy and soft as Crème de la Mer. Actually that’s too soft. Think more lumpy texture like your thighs and you should be right.
• Now remove from the heat. Throw in the rest of the strawberries. Mix it up and watch as these little berries just slowly soften in gooey mix. Let it cool down. Go back to Vanity Fair.class
• When the compote has cooled down drizzle in the 3 tabs of rosewater and give it a good mix. You may now dip in your manicured finger and taste. Sensational
• Serve with homemade bread or Toast, icecream, muesli and Yogurt. You could even serve it with all those scones and sponge cakes you are always whipping up in your spare time.