“I hope it goes down. It’s so ugly. I’m helping them load them (bombs) in.” Joan Rivers on the Citigroup building in Manhattan “Jewish women will never be terrorists. ‘Does the bomb make me look fat?’ A Jewish woman will never put a bomb in a Gucci bag,” Oh my goooodd!! Not funny Joan.
“I suppose I tend to put on weight there. I’m just happy it’s behind me and I never have to look at it.” Rachel Hunter on her butt ( behind her now)
“My truth is that I am a gay American,” Married father of 2 Gov. James E. McGreevey on announcing his resignation because of his extramarital affair with another man. (behind him now)
“It’s not that I’m bothered about my duff performance, but I would hate anyone to actually pay money for it.” Jennifer Aniston on stopping a tape of her early acting being sold (Ditto)
“I’m 86 years old! I’m 86 years old! What are you doing? I’m a reporter, not a criminal,” US 60 minutes Stodgy old news anchor Mike Wallace on being thrown against his limo and slapped with cuffs after asking cops why they were giving his double-parked driver a hard time. Finally! A journalist in cuffs outside of the bedroom! ( a 60 minutes journalist is not a criminal) Gawker
“Then Sarah and I went shopping to Dolce & Gabbana. I was overawed - I couldn’t even look at the clothes because they were all so expensive, but she picked some up and made me put them on ” Ayesha Makim Fergie’s model niece.”(oh dear Fergie advised you on dressing? Run!)
“When I first started modelling, my mother talked to me about the drugs problem in the industry,” Ayesha Makim ( her mother knows about drugs. Run. Fast)
“I like where I’m at today. I have great memories, but I’ve evolved as a person and in a better place.” Linda Evangelista ( Yes, it’s much better doing David Jones parade in Sydney than Gucci in Milan,( it’s behind her now)
“Everything. All my valuables. All my jewelry. All my money.” Paris Hilton after her house was robbed (they forgot the brain: not valuable)

Sorry to tell all Melbourne readers, but it’s just been sunny day after day in Sydney. And finally now summer is hitting the shops too, and it’s time to start thinking about a hot weather wardrobe. Anyway isn’t it about now that Melbournians flee Melboring for Noosa?. So nick into Freelance Shoes for some cheap but chic, flat T bar, Jackie O sandals. Hard to describe, but they have a chain of leather squares running from toe to the ankle strap, they come in white or black and the best thing is, they look like Prada and are a mere $49.

$49 Zoom Sandals in Freelance Shoes.

Every girl wants a pair of Manolos Blahniks but sometimes the credit limit just doesn’t stretch to $1600 for a pair of shoes every week. But I have a solution! Why wear Manolos when you can look at them instead for a fraction of the price? In Manning & Manning you will find divine, framed prints of sketches by Manolo of his shoes. Too chic. You can buy one for only $89, or $150 for 2, or $250 for 4. Then, now you’ve been so thrifty, spend the $1000 you’ve saved on a Gucci bag! Perfect.
Manolo Blahnik Sketches from Manning & Manning 9969 7846

I love the natural look, it’s great on anyone born after 1990. Otherwise the trick is to spend hours and hours of intense application, so you look like you’re not wearing anything at all. So I am always after a new lip colour that looks natural, (but not so natural I look aneamic and in need of a good steak.) My new secret weapon is from M.A.C., called Lip Lacquer, it stains the lips and seems to stay on more than a gloss (which always spends more time on my wine glass than on my lips).

$35 M.A.C. Lip Lacquer 9360 8581.

Umu, which opens Sept. 1, in London, is going to be a hot Japanese restaurant The interior has a clean, minimal feel with silvered Murano glass rods along the ceiling, granite and wood floors and a lot of brown wood, including wenge.Ichiro Kubota, the chief at Umu, worked at Hotel La Villa in Corsica, ( see FiFi 49) . Marlon Abela, the owner reopened Morton’s in London and Umu is located nearby on newly fashionable Bruton Place ( WWD).
The New York Times’ “Great Summer Read” series continues with a 7 day excerpt of Truman Capote’s “Breakfast At Tiffany’s.” Candace Bushnell will read from the classic at Borders Books “I don’t eat breakfast,” Bushnell said, “but the first time I went to Tiffany’s, I felt like a hayseed.” The “Great Summer Read” series began on July 12 with F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby.” . “Like Water for Chocolate” by Laura Esquivel ran the week of July 26, and a final book in the series, “The Color of Water,” by James McBride, will appear in the paper starting Aug. 23. WWD.
A partnership between the French retailer Colette and Japanese designer is a shop called Colette Meets Comme des Garçons opened now in Aoyama, Japan.
Ten years after being in an antifur ad campaign, Cindy Crawford is starring in Blackgama’s upcoming campaign wearing a variety of fur coats.( Behind her)
Through Fondazione Prada, an artistic organization she heads, Miuccia Prada is sponsoring the Milan version of New York’s Tribeca Film Festival — as well as the recovery and restoration of a string of Italian B-movies from the Thirties onward that will be presented at the international film festival in Venice in September. WWD
Stefano Gabbana is about to appear regularly on a new Italian program debuting called “La Sottile Linea Rosa,” or “The Fine Pink Line.”. a “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” with an Italian twist: Gabbana and two gay male hosts will work their magic on Italian girls desperate to find boyfriends. “When you see a girl that has a complex about having a plump behind and you tell her, ‘Don’t worry, even Jennifer Lopez looks like that up close,’ ( a plump behind).
Last week a man strode into a crowded Bulgari store in the Sardinian town of Porto Cervo, asked a salesperson to see a necklace and a ring up close, grabbed the baubles, worth some 2 million euros, and dashed out the door.
The first U.S. production of the French hit “Ten Commandments: The Musical,” starring Val Kilmer as Moses, will be at Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre. (Thall shall not do it Val).
And if you are living on the moon, The Olympic Games are about to begin tonight!

http://www.aquabumps.com
If you are surfer you should know (or probably know already) about this clever, cool, site which gives daily surfing updates with shots straight out of the water. True! They go and get their hair wet everyday. If you don’ t have a view of the sea (Bless) or don’t ever want to get your hair wet, then check out the waves here. Cool shots. Also go to http://www.snowbumps.com for weekly snow reports.

http://www.jibjab.com
This is hilarious! Click on ‘This Land’ on the front page to watch the very funny cartoon of Dubya and John Kerry singing away. A must see.I insist.

“The Weekly World News says that terrorists have been working on a bomb that turns straight men gay. The Gay Bomb will detonate the instant a heterosexual male steps on one of the mines, releasing potent waves of the female hormone estrogen into the air. Within hours, heterosexual men will experience terrible urges like: “I’m dying to make out with my buddy in the next cubicle,” and “I wonder if I should redecorate the living room.”(Run! Look behind you!)” Gawker.
Naomi Campbell slapped her maid Millicent Burton. (That’s news? I thought the point of having servants is that you can beat them.) Cops were called, complaints were filed, and we’re thinking Pay-Per-View rematch ( Gawker)
A calamitous moment sure to quake the celeb-o-sphere: the aesthetically pleasing but completely retarded team of Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake have reportedly finalized their wedding plans, according to an array of second-rate and sometimes dubious news services. While we’re sure this union will result in a helicopter-adorned wedding and a nasty, immediate divorce, we can only hope that they find the time to squeeze out at least one untalented spawn destined for a life of insane wealth and emotional cripplehood (Gawker).
Madonna has demanded that a special “peace room” be built for her backstage at her UK gigs ( Confucious say: peace in head not in room).
Jennifer Aniston’s new film has shut down after just one week of shooting, because the director failed to get on with his cast. The romantic comedy, as yet unnamed, tells the story of a young woman (Aniston) who discovers that her grandmother, played by Shirley MacLaine, was the inspiration for the character of Mrs Robinson in The Graduate. (Shut it down. Run) Glamour.
An Olsen Twin walked past food without noticing.
Will Smith had to tape his willy to his leg for a shower scene in I Robot, because it is so big that it might otherwise have stolen the scene. One film worker told The Sun: “Will is blessed in the boxer short department. Even his leg couldn’t cover everything up, he had to be taped down” Glamour (not behind him).
Harpers Bazzaar takes a shot at Anna Wintour, the notoriously icy editrix of rival Vogue, in its September issue. For Candace Bushnell’s article, “Nice Vs. Ice: Which Gets You Further: Acting Friendly or Frosty?” the author poses in an unmistakably Wintour-like wig, red dress and devil’s pitchfork to illustrate the “ice” archetype. She also poses as a “nice” Princess Diana clone. NYP

The Reluctant Metrosexual : Dispatches from an Almost Hip Life
by Peter Hyman

I read about this book in WWD, it was just released in the US, and it sounds hilarious. Peter Hyman writes about his experiences as “a straight man whose tastes are just gay enough.” If you need a great book for reading on the plane to Paris and on the beach at St Tropez this could be it “Providing further evidence of the fine line between being a dorky loser and a pop-culture superhero (William Hung, anyone?), this is Hyman’s attempt to turn his failures at love, life and employment into a cash cow. What’s in it for readers? “Well, very little,” admits Hyman, a Manhattan writer and occasional stand-up comedian, but it “beats a kick in the teeth, or being shipped off to fight in Iraq.” A metrosexual, Hyman reminds us, is a straight guy in touch with his feminine side, one who appreciates “expensive home furnishings, good grooming, and heirloom tomatoes.” We need more men like this! (from Amazon).

The Christmas List:
Charlotte Perriand: An Art of Living by Mary McLeod
Here is another gorgeous, coffee table book that is worth reading too. (Is that an oxymoron?) “Charlotte Perriand was one of the most innovative furniture and interior designers of the twentieth century and her career covered Art Deco to Modernism. Her collaboraters included Le Corbusier, Pierre Jeanneret and Jean Prouve” If you are into design, gorgeous furniture and love to read about a woman designing it all, this is it.
http://www.publishedart.com.au $135

Economy:
Sportsgirl: have done some cool, over sized sunglasses $30, great, groovy printed scarves in Peacock print on browns or pink $19.95, pink chiffon drawstring T shirt tops $79, a Chanel tweed Jackie O coat in soft pastels and white with a chiffon trim and frayed edge $299, and a cool, caftan top in green $79 and a pink one at $39. Veronika Maine: Has done a simple soft singlet in watermelon $99 and a choc brown drapey top $59. Tree of Life: has done some groovex beaded trimmed caftans $65 and fabulous print wrap cotton dresses $49! In Liberty print fabrics. Papaya: has opened in Bondi Junction and I like their simple PJ”s/ white shell tops by “in your dreams’ $59 and they have some great Helen Kaminski hats in simple styles. Freelance Shoes: have the first sighting of the Louis Vuitton Theda bag with DD all over it ( Dior?) a bit cheap $154, but they have some good things too, like a Parker Roche heels with gold eyelets straps $209 in lots of colours, and a Helmut Lang style heels with elastic strap $170. Nine West: have some punched leather trainers with a stripe in black, white and blue $100. Cue: Have done a nice racer back, light blue cotton top $65, and a stretchy singlet with cutaway arms for $39. Mollini: Have round toe 40’s heels coming out of their ears and have nearly sold out of the Prada copy sandals. There are great satin, YSL style heels with ankle strap in green, red and black with a tiny platform $128. Seduce: Have copied green strapless chiffon dress with a gold belt seen on Kylie, could be scary. MNG: supposed to have fab things but I can’t really find anything, damn! FCUK: Have a belted black trench $280, a funky wide stripe top $79, and you want the T shirts with cap sleeve $39.

Business:
Tim O’Connor: has done a cool waterproof (!) short trench in black and white $509, a pretty halter dress 50’s in brown floral, Max and Co: lots of new things! Check out the big, weekend canvas tote $365 and T bar jelly shoes $80 and a Pucci print hat $155.There is a knit silk black and silver stripe racer back top $240,a white sweatshirt with a drawstring neck $210, cool, a really fitted stripe T $210 and a cotton short black pea coat with white stitching $500, a white peacoat in cotton canvas $570, nice T shirts in red or white $95,and simple stretchy L/S T $110, plus bright stripe knit shell tops $170. Empire: have some cute white singlets with ‘Bride’ embroidered in silver. Papoucci: have the new Hogan bags and shoes in. Check out the toe thongs with silver rings $495. There are some very chic Napa leather bags from Florence with big silver chain strap $ 599 by Gianni Chiarini and so many Tod’s shoes, in every colour and every style: Loafers with ring detail $699, mules $595, classic loafers $495, and pointy toe loafers $545. Country Road: Have a cool zip cotton bomber jacket with a brass zip $179 in pale blue and the T shirts are good here, very classic, simple and ribbed. There is the Prada esque, tie dye cardigan in pink, choc and camel $129 and a pink shrunken blazer in cotton $199. Karen Millen :has a nice single breasted camel trench coat $770, there is a sexy mama black pencil skirt with a side front slit $165, and some cool cardigans with leather silver buckles on the side $360. Weekend Max Mara: now opened in Bondi Junction: Check out the very classic belted trench $1170 and beautiful quality, wool peacoat in black $965 and a classic, belted short jacket $880.

First:
Cosmo Shoes: Oh my god. So many shoes piled high! Check out a few shoes on sale: the Sergio Rossi ankle strap heels and many others are now $500 from $900. There is every shoe in the Sergio Rossi collection! You want bronze heels $900, the roman sandles, the flat green sandles, the strappy heels. Everything. You also want the Dolce & Gabbana sling backs in animal print or heels $850, the Yves Saint Laurent loafers with silver ring in every colour $700 or the YSL punched leather heels $750 and the Sonia Rykiel beaded 40’s style $1000. Or how about the Rudolphe Menudier snakeskin flats $1200.There’s some divine Missoni heels in every colour : in red striped with gold heel $950 or flat aqua mules $850, and heels with a big ring $850.Check out the fab bags here too from YSL and Dolce Gabbana. Christensen Copenhagen: Still is on sale with about 30% off. You want the Missoni peacock print jersey dresses now $1185 and silver lurex dress and so much more…there is a lot here, I could go on for hours. Best you get in here. Though there are some new DVF dresses in Bondi Junction like a pink chiffon dress $905. Bally: Some summer stock has arrived. You want the leather mules with a leather flower on top $650, the gorgeous tote bags with white stitching in brown suede $1195 and silver ring detail, and also a smaller version in $995 (comes in pink and black). There is a cute kitten heel $595, big slouchy leather bags with a drawstring $1400, some cool canvas stripe belts $195, and some slides with a kitten heel and silver buckle $495 and lots of gorgeous Key rings, that would look cool hanging off your bag a la Prada $95. Evelyn Miles: have some new shoes like the Casadei kitten heels in patent $795, and L’Autre Chose in a stripe with kitten heel $478. Divine.

Chicken Tikka with hot onion Relish (from Nigella Lawson in Delicious)
Nigella says “the hot spices in the yoghurt infuse the chicken with an aromatic mellow fire” mmm finger licking good! She says to marinate it for 4 hours or overnight. I say even after ½ an hour it was still quite divine.
Don’t be put off by so many ingredients this is quick!

For 4 you need:

4 chicken fillets
2 tabs of unsalted butter
1 tsp vegetable oil
Basmati rice to serve with

Marinade
4 garlics (she says 2, I say 4, do what you like!)
A chunk 5cm of grated fresh ginger
2 small red chillies
1 teasp ground cumin
1 teasp of ground coriander
½ teasp of tumeric
½ teasp of garam masala (I put in ground allspice and it does the trick)
Juice of 1 lime
¼ cup vegetable oil
1 cup of plain yoghurt

Hot onion relish
2 small red onions, finely sliced into sexy half moons
1 or 2 tomatoes choppity chopped
A bunch of coriander chopped
A sprinkle of ½ teasp of dried chillie
Juice of a lemon

·Make the marinate by whizzing the garlic, ginger and chillies
·Then add the rest of the marinade in the whizzer so it looks like a smooth mushy paste…mmm better stick finger in to try. Good?
·Throw the chicken fillets in a bowl and toss the marinade over it. If you want to be a bit stylish, I’m thinking it’s best to chop the chicken breasts into 4 chic little pieces ( and it’s easier to cook).
·Cover the bowl and whack it into the fridge if you are marinating it for hours. Otherwise just leave it on the bench, pour a gin and tonic to relish. Then whip up the relish.
·Pop on your big Jackie O sunglasses, or at least some goggles f you don’t want your mascara to run.
·Slice up the onions into moons, don’t think of any sad movies or you’ll cry more and then add the coriander, tomatoes, lemon juice and chillie. Give it a good stir.
·Wipe away the tears and pour another drink!
·Let the relish sit and marinate in its own problems for a while (too sad)
·Pop on the basmati rice if you are ready to eat.
·Now to cook:
·Melt the butter is a fry pan and cook the chicken over a medium heat
·The marinade will disappear as you cook it ( but not all the taste)
·You want to get the fillets a nice tanned colour like George Hamilton, I’m talking a bit crispy!
·Serve the chikkie tikkie on a lovely, relaxing bed of rice and accessorize it with the gorgeous red onion relish tossed non chalantly on top
On fire!

Well, after last week’s movex on dying young, how appropriate to see a movex this week about dying old. May as well keep the theme for another week! It was either Stepford Wives, Connie and Carla or Autumn Spring, so I checked them all out on my favourite website, Rotten tomatoes (which gives a rating based on all the reviews). Stepford Wives got only 27%, Connie and Carla got merely 46%, so there was no choice, Autumn Spring got a whopping 97% approval rating. The theme of death won out again! Great. This a slow but not painful Czech movie about 2 old guys who are terribly bored and get up to all sorts of antics, yes, good old fashioned antics. It stars famed Czech star, Vlastimil Brodsky, who hooks up with his partner in crime to impersonate wealthy aristocrats and inspect beautiful old chateaux just for the fun of it, or act as train guards to get kisses from cute babes and all sorts of other mischief. One problem, his wife is not amused and tells him to get serious about life and grow up (he’s 75!). She is obsessed with saving money and planning her funeral. The story is not as sad as last week, in fact it’s quite funny and amusing, lets say warm hearted. But it is sad that “ Brodsky committed suicide not long after this life-affirming film was completed. A fine, crowd-pleasing little classic, one for which he will surely be long remembered” Bless