“ But she’s a hick anyway. She needs to get hot again. Stop clomping around in those Malibu flip-flops, I would tar and feather her first of all, tell her to dump that [bleeping] hick husband of hers. She needs solid advice, and not from Hicksville.” Chief Hick Janice Dickinson gives advice to junior hick Britney.
“I no longer study Kaballah [sic], my baby is my religion.” Britney can’t even spell it. A hick.
“ People should dress like Britney but think like me” Madonna hasn’t seen the tar and feathers or the flip flops.
“I’d like to do something with George Clooney. He’s pretty cute, but don’t tell my husband.” Britney wants to do a film with George. Dream about it baby.
“Yes I would go nude. And I’d love to play a superhero. That would be really cool”. Britney wants to be a nude superhero. Like Pamela Anderson? Janice was right
“For your best orgasm ever, go vegetarian. meat clogs arteries going not just to your heart but other vital organs, the best sex tip is to go veggie.” Pamela Anderson loves carrots and bananas. A superhero.
“ One time, we were at a party and I think she got really drunk, and she had just really derogatory things to say to me. But it was at that time that she had that breakdown, so she might have been very medicated.” Christina Aguilera is very kind to Mariah Carey.
” I had hoped that Christina was in a better place now than the last time I saw her, when she showed up uninvited at one of my parties” Mariah replies to Christina. Meow.
“Of course we are together. It is hilarious. I can’t wait to sue because I will make a fortune for my charity” Heather McCartney
” it is with sadness that we have decided to go our separate ways,” Heather McCartney the next day. Hilarious.
“This is a gay twinset, a gay twinset — not a cardigan and pullover, but two of the same kind” Karl Lagerfeld on the latest Chanel collection. Hilarious.

Black is back but that shouldn’t apply to your interiors just your wardrobe and your Amex card. Couches and chairs don’t need to look slim they just need a few accessories to lighten up their look and go from day to evening. Prowling around the aisles of Kmart my eye zeroed in on some cool cushions in a chic red and white graphic Marimekko style print. For $19 each they are a steal but I see they are now on sale for $11.99 which means they are virtually free. More money to spend on black boots.

Living with Deborah Hutton Cushions from Kmart

Are you always losing things? Forgetting where you put your false eyelashes? , Your false nails? Your false teeth? Now you can relax. Karim Rashid the groovex designer du jour has joined forces with Georg Jensen and created the coolest boxes. In stainless steel and lined with white or pink silicon they come in very funky shapes representing all sorts of modern symbols. Choose between the two armed or three armed shape then stash all your favourite little things. True or false.
Karim Rashid silver spin collection small box $99, large box $245 and the dish $295. See it here. http://www.georgjensen.com/gj/flash/brand/brandPage.html or call 1800 269 911.

If you find that each week you keep singing in shower that old song “I‘m going to wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way” then you need fabulous shampoo. Remember too many men shouldn’t mean too many shampoos. Like a man all you need is just one to love that is rich and luxurious and which you can use every morning. The fabulous Frédéric Fekkai Moisturising Shampoo with Shea Butter is luxurious! Rich! And perfect for dry, thick or tortured hair. Good enough to eat it has coconut, shea butter and sweet almond protein which seems to gives hair a gloss and snazzy sleekness. It’s expensive but then so are men. If that doesn’t work start the singing lessons.

$34 Frédéric Fekkai Moisturising Shampoo from Mecca Cosmetica.

The film “Paris je t’aime,” premiered in the “Un Certain Regard” competition at the Cannes Film Festival. It is an amalgamation of shorts from 20 top international directors — including Gus Van Sant, Joel and Ethan Coen, Walter Salles, Gérard Depardieu and Wes Craven — and stars everyone from Natalie Portman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Marianne Faithfull, Steve Buscemi, Ludivine Sagnier, Nick Nolte, Emily Mortimer, Willem Dafoe
Swedish fast-fashion giant H&M announced the Dutch design duo Viktor Horsting and Rolf Snoeren would do a one-time collection for November delivery in 24 countries. wwd
Head to the Dior museum in Granville, France for the “Christian Dior and the World” exhibition.
Michael and his wife, Australian/New Zealander Nicole Colovos, the founders of the Habitual label, are the new design directors of Helmut Lang.
Stay at this 18th century villa in Florence http://www.villaolmiresort.com/
Off to the South of France? Head here http://www.chateaudecassis.com/en/accueil.htm
Here is a snazzy new store in Berlin ..http://thecornerberlin.de/
Hungry? Head to http://thetuscanchef.com/pages/2/index.htm
Still hungry? Try Corsica for a cooking school http://theinvisiblekitchen.co.uk/
A new Hotel in New York http://mansfieldhotel.com/rooms.asp
Off to Mexico? This is a cool little hotel in Vera Cruz and the site is hilarious….there are ants on the screen! http://hotelazucar.com/
This is a chic place to stay in Barcelona http://www.hotelbanysorientals.com/
!929 is a very groovy hotel in Singapore already reported here at FiFi HQ but their site is now upgraded . Groovy baby http://www.hotel1929.com/

http://www.facehunter.blogspot.com/
See what the hip and cool are really wearing in Paris “a man out and about in Paris: eye candy for the style hungry” Chic Alors.

http://www.festival-cannes.fr/
Check out the Films! The stars! It’s all here at The Cannes Film Festival

Britney Spears was seen driving with wearing soup can curlers in her hair and baby strapped in the back. The good news is that the baby was in his car seat. The bad news he was not properly strapped in. ‘At this rate the baby will end up tied to the hood of the car with rope, taped to the door, and possibly just placed in the trunk.” The superficial.
Nicole Kidman is engaged to Keith. ‘It’s about time Nicole Kidman finally made her move against Tom Cruise in this epic struggle of one uppism. If she’s going to top Katie Holmes giving birth she better come up with something fast like saying how much more enjoyable sex is with somebody who doesn’t ask you to put on a fake mustache and cowboy hat.’ The superficial
Geri Spice Halliwell gave birth to a baby girl.
Pete Doherty squirted a syringe-full of his own blood at two MTV News cameramen after injecting heroin. The camera lens was splattered with Pete’s claret. Getting squirted with Pete Doherty’s blood has to be the most frightening experience in the world. Second only to being exposed to Ebola or accidentally falling on a pile of Paris Hilton’s underwear’. Thesupericial
Charlie Sheen still not allowed to kill Denise Richards.
Jennifer Lopez is reportedly expecting her first child for the fifth time
George Micheal was caught asleep at the wheel at a traffic light.
Whitney Houston is denying recent reports that she has been diagnosed with a deadly brain tumor, she why? It’s a no brainer.
Breaking News: Jake Gyllenhaal was seen with chicken grease stains on the front of his hoodie. What?!
Gwen Stefani has broken her finger whilst using a sewing machine. My god!
Nicole Richie did some grocery shopping. Shocking.
Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber went for a walk in New York . True!
‘Lindsay Lohan showed up at a club in New York with her bra exposed, her signature tights, and the largest bag I’ve ever seen worn by a human being. It’s at least twice as large as her friends. What could be inside. Drug paraphernalia? Alcohol? A Chinese contortionist? The possiblities are endless!” The superficial

Insatiable : Tales from a Life of Delicious Excess (Hardcover) by Gael Greene
‘As the longtime New York magazine food critic Greene was indeed an “Insatiable Critic” and not just where food was concerned. Her fun memoir is spiced up with breathless descriptions of sexual trysts, travel tales and signature fashions. Greene’s sensual appetite was voracious and her affairs as abundant and indulgent as her meals; her more famous lovers included Elvis Presley, Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds. With chapter titles like “Splendor in the Foie Gras” and “Bonfire of the Foodies,” the book brims with vivid and gluttonously gossipy prose.’ Delicious.
$11 http://www.amazon.com Publisher: Warner Books (April 4, 2006)

The Christmas list
Jacques Helleu and Chanel …by Jacques Helleu
Jacques Helleu is Chanel’s eye. He has captured Catherine Deneuve shown as an enigmatic sex goddess, Vanessa Paradis as a tiny bird and Little Red Riding Hood clutching her perfume No. 5; he is the ultimate talented genius behind Chanel’s image and publicity campaigns. He has worked with the greatest photographers (Irving Penn, Richard Avedon, Helmut Newton), the greatest directors (Ridley Scott, Luc Besson, Jean-Paul Goude) and the greatest muses (Catherine Deneuve, Carole Bouquet, Nicole Kidman) In the form of A to Z, Jacques Helleu looks back on all his creative campaigns that have stood the test of time.
$78 http://www.amazon.co.uk/ Publisher Harry N. Abrams, (April 7, 2006)

Economy Class:
David Jones shoes: Must go straight to the Milana section and buy the black square toe patent flats with a bow and a ferragamo flat square heel $189. Cute and very Marc Jacobs.
KMart: rush in here and buy the black chiffon sleeveless shirts with a ruffle front which are reduced to, wait for it ! an outrageous $15. What the? Snazzy baby.
Jag: The hunt for the perfect cheap but chic classic dark denim jeans is over. if you can’t wear skinny jeans but know that flares are over! over! over! then head here and grab a pair of the ‘Bondi’ jeans. I’ve tried these on and they are look great; not too low or not too high, not too skinny or too wide legs… it says it all on the label and they are right. Buy 2 pairs! $99
Kookai: There is a cute little empire jersey dress here with shoestring straps in a few colours, it won’t keep you warm but it’s $139; and the stone high neck frill cotton top with cap sleeves is cool $59. I see lots of wrap dresses here if you don’t already have a million already. There are seriously skinny stove pipe jeans here in dark denim $139.
Review: spotto a cute navy and cream stripe T with buttons down the front $99 and a red wool peacoat to the knee with epaulettes $399. Ouch! Too expensive for that label head to Max and Co for quality a thousand times over.
Portmans: Seem to have their act a little more together this season. Bless. Try the scoop neck navy and grey seen everywhere T-shirt $59; and buy the cheap but cheap must have black patent ballet flats for an outrageous $39. No, not leather but cute. Also the Roland Mouret dress are reported for under $100. And of course the black patent wide belt is the go for $29.
Witchery: Check out the navy crinkle silk cami but I am so nearly over that cami look. It’s probably popular in Sydney because its an easy trans seasonal look. Whack them under a jacket and off you go. Goodbye. There areblack ballet flats here $129, v cool; the Roland Mouret dress too $$; the short puff sleeve cotton jersey wrap dress is cute in black or red $139 and there is a blue print button through dress or $139. Buy the city shorts $99 and the tan platform round toe sling backs. How can they be on sale for $89? They are hot. I am seeing way too many teal and green knits. Best casual buy are the dark grey grandpa tops $79.
Cue: Best pieces are the dresses here so check out the brown fine shift wool $219; the fab new cap sleeve black empire dress with a ribbon detail $249; the black scoop neck taffeta Prada or is Lanvin inspired? dress with jewels dotted on the neckline and hem $325; and the long grey knit V neck sweater dress with pockets is hot! It’s by the letter Q ( their diffusion label ) $95. Also check out the fine wool knits: love the long oversized V neck cardigan $129; the dark green short V cardigan $85. There is a lovely square neck dark navy jaquard silk empire dress with tie back $179 and buy the oh-so- fabulous must have high neck cream chiffon blouse with pintucks and huge bell sleeves and big black bobble buttons on the long cuff , its gorgeous and it has a tiny black trim $219. There is a chic choc brown velvet jacket with bows on the cuff $215.

Business Class;
Scanlan & Theodore: Always dangerous going in here. The credit card could just explode knowing you were just thinking about heading there. Buy it all. The end. Ok perhaps you want a bit more detail? Best pieces are: the most beautiful bow front navy and black 50’s dress with a black satin trim $550; the boat neck grey and black batwing oversized mini check top $140; the beautiful cream poets muslin blouse $350; the stretch velvet belted sleeveless dress in dark green with $650; the sexy mama shoes string empire ombre taffetta dress $350 and the blue tweed princess coat $800. Buy the little pinstripe navy skirt $300; the poets blouse in tangerine print chiffon $350 and the navy dress with bow front $650. Look at the black Azzedine style heavy knit sexy pencil skirt with leather $300 and dream; or the rust print short sleeve 40’s floral dress $450; and the sensational lurex purple/green ruffle neck sweater $280. Love the brown stripe chunky knit sweater $300. Feel the melt- in-your-fingers soft leather boleros in black or tan $1500. Delicious. Buy the cream blouse with pearl buttons and big cuffs with a thin stripe through it $200 and of course the Alaia shoes the peep toe sling back wedges in denim are quite fab for you $850. I could go on and on. Divine.
Jigsaw: Check out the new pieces in choc brown ; good for work wardrobes in here. There is a brown tweed belted single breasted coat $299; also a brown wool crop jacket with white overstitching $299 with a preppy skirt $179; some gorgeous grey side pocket slouch pants $190; and a donkey brown velvet short blazer $229. The same thing in a peacoat version in velvet $299. The peacoat also comes in black and I think it’s rather good. I see watermelon/ peach here. Please leave the building. There is a crew neck rib sweater , very chic $129; a sheer very fine wool knit sweater with a faint check through it in grey $129 and a very chic dark brown velvet fitted blazer with a chic raw trim on the lapels $269; and the brown tweed side pocket slouch pants are chic $199.
Country Road; Here’s the scoop on the best pieces; check out the stone suede wedge boots $299 also in black ; the Chloe esque black jersey dress with a tie key hole front $199, very handy, wear it anywhere . It has tulip sleeves, will look fab with boots and has a flattering cut. New in is a fab black (or purple) chiffon silk georgette pleated dress with a V neck and petticoat , it will look great with boots and a white T shirt under it a la Prada and wear under a tweed coat. Oh, wear it in the day I say. $299. Also new is the chic de la chic grey jersey empire shoe string top with a black wrap and tie belt, awfully handy under black anything $59. Is that the right price? A must buy. There is a grey cardi with a black trim and a rib $139. The black princess coat is chic $449. The silk cami in a green/brown print is a great buy too $129. Add some colour why don’t you?. The black and white stripe (or navy and grey stripe) wide neck fisherman’s T with long sleeves is very Agnes B and a fab buy $49. is that the right price or was I blind? There is a cute spot black and white ‘fashion’ cami $129. Buy the cable knit cardigan in grey $189. For evening don’t forget the black chiffon (white lining) dress with black beading along the bottom $499 and the black trench. Mais Oui!
Saba: check out the fab dark navy velvet blazer $259; the cute navy short sleeve silk blouses $199; the brown tulip skirt $199; the navy knit cami with a ruffle chiffon trim $149; and the green chiffon print Chloe dress with 3/4 sleeves is still a bit boho chic if you must $459. Maybe not for that price. Buy the black jersey cotton empire cap sleeve dress with a black ribbon satin tie back waist $299. That will take you anywhere, any season. The military black or navy cotton shirts with epaulettes are now on sale for you now about $80. Wear with a tie and a frill skirt a la Chloe if you are feeling groovy.
CK Jeans: these stores seem to closing down all over the place. And on sale. Best buy is the wool melton single breasted camel or black coat now about $240. The mens wear looks good so time to send George Clooney to check it out.

First Class:
Prada: It always brings such peace and happiness to arrive here back at the Mothership. To pay respects (or just pay.) Buy the divine black chiffon goddess dress $5050; the gorgeous grey T shirt with blue velvet straps with drawstring sleeves $850; the amazing fur trim puffa jacket $3130; the scribble faille light grey shift dress $3040. Check out the Prada Sport denim jacket $860; the dark denim jeans $600; the white cotton shoe string dress $760 and the cute scoop neck navy tank is a great buy for just $260. That is not a typo, the price is right. Less expensive the copies. There is a stone weather beater jacket with a hood $1800 for those cold weekends away. In the shoes buy the shoe that has been in all the advertising and magazines; the black patent Mary Janes with white trim, and peep toe heel $720 also on pink ; the black crossover peep toe patent wedges $740; and the red patent sandals are a must have $660. I want them. Now. The rope sole wedges are cool $660 and so are the black platform sandals $700. Buy the Prada coat of arms bags as reported in camel canvas and tan leather; all here from about $2000 or grab the matching sunvisor and wallets. There are cute robot bags in every colour and all sorts of nylon bags. I could go on and on or I might move in.
Hugo Boss Woman: Love all the classic pieces here. Check out the chic brown wool bomber $1999; the chic, choc brown mushroom wrap knit top $399; the choc poloneck knit $279 and the black cotton satine wrap high collar dress is lovely and classic $899. Buy the black silk tanks $199; the cashmere round neck black knit $349; and the black and white spot dress with a tie back $999. The black peacoat is gorgeous $999. There are some chic T bar flat in black patent with ankle sandals for your St Barts holiday . Gorgeous. Check out the dark green fine knit wrap dress $1099 and a luxurious dark green leather blazer $1999. Buy the shot dark green taffeta trench with epaulettes $1599, go on, it’s gorgeous. There are a few summer pieces in but they look very casual and a bit too boho chic. No thanks.
Myer: They have a lot of fab designers shoes here: from Marc Jacobs , Pucci, Kate Spade, Alessandro del Aqua, and Stella McCartney.
David Jones shoes; Check out the Emma Hope version of the converse Chuck Taylors in velvet in rubber and suede in chic brown $425. They are great.
Gucci: Not so keen on this collection but next season it should be better ( a return to a strong sexy Gucci woman) . In the bag department check out the huge big shopping tote in red with a short strap and gold ring detail $2250; and the small shoulder bag in tan with a horse bit bamboo detail $2300. The pale pink patent logo is horrendous. Shocking. Looks fake. I don’t even think the Asian tourist would buy it. Ditto re the over the top very Versace looking the black patent bags with too much hardware. Over it. Pass that and head to the brown stamped leather in burgundy from last season still chic $2200 or the classic Jackie O bags in a larger size in stamped leather $1600.In the clothes there is not a lot new since last reported. It’s S/S 05. Buy the gorgeous dresses in green chiffon or the cream top with a knot at the back $1180; the puff sleeve grosgrain jacket in black $2200 with matching pants $850. In the shoes go for the green huge clunky platform ankle straps in suede $765 also in black and white; the black patent flat pumps with signature Gucci stripe and bamboo on the toe $650; the canvas suede heeled loaders $600 and the bronze heels loafers $700.
Belinda: the sale started yesterday so get in here pronto!

Lemon Rice….from Nigella Lawson
Tangy and delicious this rice is perfect with curries or simply with a saute fillet of fish. It looks fabulous. Which is most important.

You need for 4
1 tabs vegetable oil
250 basmati rice\ or 1 1/2 cups
½ teasp turmeric
½ teasp dried mint
Juice and the zest of lemon or 2
Approx 500 mi water
Salt
1 tabs black mustard seeds

·Hunt around and find a saucepan with a lid please.
·Heat oil gently in the saucepan. You are not frying.
·Pour a glass of wine.
·Toss in the rice risotto style and coat it with the oil. We love a coat this season.
·Add turmeric and mint and stir to mix it all up.
·Zest those lemon
·Then squeeze the lemons and pour the juice in with the rice
·Add water so you cover the rice by a couple of centimeters.
·Don’t fret about how much water there is there, it will be fine.
·Toss in a bit of salt, put on the lid and bring to the boil.
·Reduce to a simmer and continue cooking gently until all the water has left the building or at least the saucepan ( for about 20 minutes]
While the rice is cooking pour another wine and toss the mustard seeds in a pan
to dry fry them.
·Set them aside or a rest until you use them as an accessory for serving
·Throw the rice in a bowl
·Sprinkle with the black mustard seeds and lemon zest
·Quite sensational.

Tsotsi…. Directed by Gavin Hood
Who: Presley Chweneyagae, Mothusi Magano, Kenneth Nkosi.
Genre: Thug rehabilitation movie with subtitles.
Awards: Oscar for Best Foreign Film in 2005 and many more awards.
The Plot: Gang of vicious bad boy thugs live in a ghetto in skanky, shanty town Soweto. The brutes rob, stab, kill, rob, murder, double cross, bash each other up and get up to bad, bad things. Boy bad finds baby in stolen car. Boy with baby begins to see life differently. Stinky nappies do that.
Acting: “Chweneyagae skulks with awesome menace, a cauldron of simmering rage and frustration and a performance of real skill, carrying the film effortlessly through to the nail-shredding conclusion.” BBC
Photography: “ shot on 35mm it lends an epic quality to this intimate story. The wide screen format allows for compositions that, even in a close-up, contain a sense of the environment in which the characters exist”
Set design: ‘A world of minimal color. All browns and sepia. The only colour comes from the character with hope; the young mother fills her shack full of eclectic objects and gorgeous mobiles of colored broken glass”
Salon de Beaute: Skanky thugs are not familiar with the Salon de Beaute
Music: The pounding soundtrack features local Kwaito music by Zola, who also plays
crime lord Fela in the film.
Botox: You will never have enough botox. I recommend a brow lift.
Waterproof mascara: A few extra lashings and a couple of tissues should get you through.
Smooches: Devoid of any such thing.
Blood’n’guts: Thugs in a ghetto produce a lot. Eeww. Close your eyes. You won’t be able to read the subtitles or understand any that’s said. This could be a good thing.
Car Chases: There are a lot of cars but not a lot of chases: the cars are mostly stripped into pieces.
Best review: “Expertly told and beautifully shot, Tsotsi will find its place on plenty of year end lists. It deserves every plaudit that comes its way, and your attention.” RTE INTERACTIVE
Best worst review: “ More calculated than a Starbucks sampler CD, the picture could win the up-from-hardship award.” ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLy
Rename it: Someone to Love me
See it or donate to the Prada bag fund? The poverty and squalor in this movie makes thinking about a Prada bag almost a crime. Very Similar to trying to get into the Prada show in Milan ; don’t be put off by the violence and skanky types. At the end you will leave you with a feeling of hope and happiness.
http://www.tsotsi.com/english/index.php